Romans 1:20

we are so weak

2010-08-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

wherever you turn you can see failure.
we fall so short of glory.
we come so far from what we are supposed to be.

i'm sitting in the hospital hallway.
2nd time i've been here and it isn't much different that the first.
other than a room change and some severe weight loss.
its nice and clean
and everyone smiles.

but beneath it all is this sobering-ness
if i can use that word.
that realization that people all around are sick.
some don't have anyone visiting.

then you have children walking around the hallways.
and they bring this bright ray of light in.
its an interesting dichotomy.

and the people that visit bring joy, laughter, and hope.
and you can can see the difference.

i just hope we can shine Christ throughout this place.

.iloveyouSteph.

-Lnk-

wine

2010-08-10T21:39:00.001-07:00

so i found a bottle on wine in the fridge and felt like being risky.
so i took a sip
and it was delicious.

i drank some.
and loved it.
especially with hummus.

i love sleep and work has been sapping me of myself lately.
i don't know what to make of 9-5 jobs.
i can't see how someone would have one and still have a personality.
it's sad.

imagine how cool we'd all be if we didn't have to give so much to our jobs.

.lethargic.

-Lnk-

amazing

2010-07-24T18:11:00.000-07:00

up in VA at Lynchburg General hanging out with my boi Gonzo.
he was diagnosed with cancer and it spread to his lungs and brain.
his whole family is here including a copious amount of friends and visitors.

its simply amazing to see God's people come together to help.
it's also crazy how this situation worked out.
if things were any different most of us wouldn't be able to be up here to be with him.
God is so great.

the people at the hospital have been great
and the hospital itself is purty snazzy.
very nice facilities and everything here is chill.
my sis, steph and i are staying at Gonzo's apartment
which is mad nice.
the price to lease their apartment down in FL
would be ridiculous.

i'm so happy to be able to be here and be here
for my best friend who has been there for me in the past.
i'm very very tired so the rest should be read with that in mind.

since being here alot of people have contacted Gonzo.
some people have been lamerz in his past
in our past.
that word "our" encompasses a large group of people.
and now they come back.
now i'm all for people offering prayers
and i'm not going to take away the joy of giving from anyone.
but seriously?

you were gone for +5 years
and now.
i don't know how i feel about that.
i don't know how i feel about how you water it down
and cheapen it
and play vulgar songs behind your videos.

where'd you come from
and where are you going?

you hurt a lot of people.
you should apologize before you start praying.
i'm just saying

.tootiredtoshowemotion.

-Lnk-

so yeah, long time

2010-07-14T12:24:00.000-07:00

i'm in class AGAIN.
someone mentioned blogging and i realized i've been slacking
but no one reads this so no worries.

things are going great at Weston
and i'm excited about the future and what God has in store for us.
i'll be blogging on the future "Context" page
so i have to get in the routine of doing this again.

i'm tired lately.
and my sleeping patterns have been completely out of whack
i can't concentrate for the life of me.
i just want to sleep.

lead worship at Weston this past weekend.
i thought it was mediocre.
but apparently a lot of people liked it.
i talked to Tommy about this
but the speed i want to take the transition in Weston
is definitely not the speed at which is going.

but at least we aren't playing Usher songs on stage
*cough* *cough*

but i'm going to force myself to look up at the teacher
so they feel that i'm paying attention.

.ihavetopee.

-Lnk-
u

just disappointed

2010-06-16T14:29:00.000-07:00

i'm so weirded out right now.
facebook is cool but makes me so mad.
correction,
the people on facebook make me mad.
say one thing and have pictures of another.

stop you idiots.

.nonewfriends.

-Lnk-

camp over

2010-06-12T23:36:00.000-07:00

it was amazing.
prayer was answered so quickly.
God was so evident
and His children lifted His name at the top of their lungs.
getting back to the real world so quickly is disheartning.

i'm tired.
and miss it.
perspective is so much clearer there.

i need God.

.longdriveheavyeyes.

-Lnk-

under the canopy

2010-06-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting underneath the most beautiful display i've seen in awhile.
in a dark field
away from light
i can see each star twinkle.
each light spark off and on.

a shooting star flies over my left.

i see a street light behind me
and see how we once again blot out
God's glory.
we ignorantly retard it
thinking that this well help.
that our efforts will bring us closer.

our efforts are useless.
we cannot draw close to a God whose "street light" is the sun.

we cannot fathom His wisdom
we cannot understand His ways.
we have only to humbly ask for Him to draw us close.

He brings us
He calls us
He began the rescue
And He will finish the war.

we can only ask to be His children
and for Him to show us a measure of grace
and allows us to be His.

awaken our souls.
still our minds.
may the nature that proclaims Your glory
always bring us to a halt.

.You'rebeautiful.

-Lnk-

camp 2010

2010-06-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

at camp 2010
easiest setup ever.
really nice camp as well.
the facilities are pristine
and my rooming situation is beautiful.

been using twitter like a beast
but i've gotten to know some peeps
much better.
and i'm thankful for it.

just finished our first worship set and i know this is going to be heavy.
there is so unknown weight to worship.
i don't know how to correctly categorize it
but i can identify when it's here.

and it's here now.
it's our burden
to have the ability to lead
people in worship
while we are still sinners.
such rotten rotten people.

God have mercy on us.

.Christinus.

-Lnk-

and this is where it gets grey

2010-05-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

friends leave,
bands separate,
music stops,
waves lap up to shore.

i don't know what to do.

i'm an easy target now
and just need to go away
for a long time.

i just want to be at work.
it's simple there.

i'm hurting
below the throat
in between the ribs and lungs.

the office still helps.

hopefully sleep will render this all a dream.

who would we be if we believed in "Ask and ye shall receive."

how would it change if we all believed the same "Christ came to save sinners of whom I am chief."

.poorattemptatrhyming.

-Lnk-

not everytime

2010-05-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

thank you Lord for a good day.
it had some horrible trudging times
but all in all
i can rest my head feeling good.

i don't know what to do sometimes.
it feels that no matter how much of an effort i make
things just don't click.
i line up the pieces
and people don't move into place.

i can only imagine how frustrated and angry you get at us.
we are always messing things up
and doing it however we see fit.

help me see things/people through your eyes.
give me wisdom
and peace.

and let everyone know that i love them.
cause i do.

.especiallyyou.

-Lnk-

a new one

2010-05-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

got a new car
and i love it.
it was all God
cause i wasn't looking for this car at all.

can't wait to break it in.

.nonameyet.

-Lnk-

sometimes i wonder

2010-05-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

why me?
why now?

why not somewhere else?

i do get envious every so often.
but i'm here for a reason.
i may not know it now
but who am i to know everything.

"Were you the first person ever born? Were you born before the hills were made?"
Job 15:7

.strong.

-Lnk-

what to do

2010-05-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

i don't know what to do now.
someone is mad and i don't know how to facilitate a solution.
i want to be here again.

maybe let it rest?

.egosandpride.

-Lnk-

lake house

2010-05-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

well we are here and i've already had
more fun then i planned for.
riding wave runners into the sunset, tearing up the wake on Bucefillus, coming across the lake with my four bois.
its all too much to take in.

i'm really looking forward to sleeping on the couch.
and then waking up at 7:30 to hit up the lake.

i'm so blessed

.andlifecouldntbesweeter.

-Lnk-

things don't always make sense

2010-05-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

so this weekend has been great.
and has ended quite differently.
panicked phone calls are never fun to answer.

but i'm glad that things do get figured out
and that no matter how old you are
friends are still a necessity.

.don'tforgetwhoyouarelovedby.

-Lnk-

just might be okay

2010-05-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

listen to food and liquor
which now i feel is better than the cool.
my girl is sick
but feeling better now.
i know she can muscle it.

played around with autotune on garageband.
and its too much fun.

its amazing how we are so unaware of our dependence on God
until it all falls.
power fails, signals disappear.
i just don't want to depend on me anymore
its so easy to do that here.

here being the US.

cause i'm not faced with the possibility of dying everyday.
or maybe i am
and just not aware of it.
i may not be gunned down for worshiping God
but i will die from giving my soul to lesser
less than from where it was meant to be.

but now my eyes grow heavy
so i'm calling it.

goodnight universe

.shinsaresore.

-Lnk-

surreal

2010-04-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

i'm writing this blog with great sadness.
sherman has died
in the form of me
and a good friend
getting smashed into coming home leaving Weston.

my truck is totaled
my arm and head are sore
and my neck is going to hurt a lot in the morning.

but i'm alive
and God spared everyone involved.
i just wish i had sherman back.

.caraccidentsarewaytofast.

-Lnk-

them's are fighting words

2010-04-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

man i want to eat something so so badly.
but i can't.
actually i can
i'm just choosing not to.
trying to get things into shape
and not let my body dictate what i do.

i'm going to sleep soon and i know it will feel great.
love you
and know that you aren't alone.

.sleepytime.

-Lnk-

random/poop

2010-04-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

marshmallows being burnt to a crisp.
taste like french fries.
i had a pet turtle once, he committed suicide by stabbing himself with barbie's leg.
i'm not thinking about anything though.
if that guy had looked at me once more, i would have held him down and farted in his mouth.
*sigh*
McDonald's gets a bad wrap. the food ain't the best for you and it might survive a nuclear holocaust, but i can't get enough of their fries.
(shakes head)
the sparrow said to his girlfriend the squirrel "Why does our house smells like fleas? You seeing a dog?"
the cat went in the house and made pancakes.
Dorothy never went over the rainbow, guess she died disappointed.
a leprechaun ate the chocolate coins.
i wish i would've been alive when asbestos was a threat. then i could have something to brag about or a some weird superpower that i gathered from the poisoning."
my ass is beautiful.
i agree.
the man ate magical broccoli and turned his house into a tree.
Obama, Obama, Obama.
don't ever upset a Columbian preacher, he'll rip your butt cheeks apart.
i hate brussel sprouts.
flossing prevents heart disease and you shouldn't eat pieces of plastic.
aralC made that up.

.....................................................

.doneanddone.

-Lnk-

i hate

2010-04-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

slow websites.
bad drivers.
overwhelming school work.
complaining kids.
smelly rooms.
stuffy teachers.
the "check engine" light.
soggy bread.
tighty whities.
not having deodorant.
recycled pop music.
people who think they are one thing but really aren't.
TAPS.
that Boy Meets World isn't on tv anymore.
that i can't spend everyday with everyone.
if you disagree with Obama's policies you're racist.
if you agree with Obama's policies you're racist.
Paul and Jan Crouch.
the Olympics interrupting The Office.
the delete button.
.........................
.............................
..................................
....................................
.......................................

.somuchmorebutsolittetime.

-Lnk-

late night, long weekend

2010-04-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

a lot was done this weekend.
it was good.
but now it's Sunday night/Monday morning
and the week is rearing its ugly head back up.

i'm usually good at not worrying
and that helps me get through the majority of stuff.
i just can't wait to go to work tomorrow
and see all the kids again.

although i don't wake up early ever
i want to.
just so i can be up for more of my day.
but my bed does not let go that easily.

i wrote a song.
and i like it.
and i should be recording it soon.

got the xbox hacking going on again.
feels good to be in the old routine of things,
especially when the routine consists of sticking it to the man
to the tune of +$2,000.

lots of Easter candy.
try to destroy as much as i can.
here's to cavities
and eating badly before the week ACTUALLY starts.

.goodnightworld.

-Lnk-

i know what i want

2010-04-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

and its you.

.furniture.

-Lnk-

i'll probably wear this same thing tomorrow

2010-03-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

so i'm getting sick.
my throat is itchy
and my arms are aching.

but i got to drive around with a hot girl
and listen to some sick muzak.

i have class tomorrow morning
i'll be in stupid school
while my sister will be out on a wave runner.
boo

but its not all that bad.
tomorrow we fight.

.UFC111.

-Lnk-

every punch i throw has bad intentions behind it

2010-03-25T22:12:00.001-07:00

http://www.liketelevision.com/liketelevision/tuner.php?channel=737&format=tv&theme=guide

old cartoon that i found today.
and shared it with a special someone :)

.throathurts.

-Lnk-

art

2010-03-23T19:42:00.001-07:00

is supposed to be free.
not cooped up in a museum.

.MIAMI.

-Lnk-

i have no idea

2010-03-23T05:34:00.001-07:00

i'm so confused.
it fell through and now you use absolutes.
i'm afraid to try anything else in fear of it falling through
and this happening again.

i got you some food
just to try to ease it
but that didn't work.
i want to walk off alone
and let you find someone who understands you find you.
cause obviously i am way off track.

i feel like a child
with his hands in the air
asking what i did wrong.

i'm tired of this happening
things flipping so quickly
this is so trivial.

you don't want what i make you when you get mad.
you call my attempts to make you somewhat smile "insulting"
i've done all i know how to do.
what else is there?

i can't plan on the unexpected
i listen and do what i'm told
and still that is wrong too?

someone please tell me
whats going on
cause i can't wrap my mind around
whats going wrong.
but apparently
i'm not good enough for anyone.

.mornings.

-Lnk-

i can fight old people

2010-03-20T21:04:00.001-07:00

i can fight

2010-03-20T21:03:00.001-07:00

i'll talk in here

2010-03-11T21:55:00.000-08:00

sometimes no matter how hard i try, nothing clicks.
its all just struggles up a hill that never seems to peak.

the road of life is paved with dollar signs and dirty suits.
cheap whores line its sides,
hoping for a handout and a free ride home.

green is the color of everything including our hearts
and if our paychecks were human
we'd marry them and give them our bed.

we've given it all away anyhow.
there is no hope for the skies to return to their slight blueish hue.
it all smells of diesel and decay
and no one seems to mind.

we adorn "those we love"
with things we buy so they can say how great we are.
everything has a selfish motive
and we do it all for something in return.

botox for your face
breast implants for your chest
tummy tuck for your abs
6 figure salary for your ego.

just tear your plastic, custom fitted face off
feed it to the birds.
lob your silicon "pseudo breasts" off your rib cage and onto the sidewalk,
and let your face sag till it receives rug burn from dragging.

lie in your oil and paper
sleep in your deceit and slander.
in your back alley deals that overlook millions of hungry and dying.
sleep with your secretary and say you are moral.

hahaha, don't even get me started.
morality IS NOT relative.

be a liar,
be a cheat,
be greedy,
step on anyone,
everyone.

cause its all about getting to the top
and how you look when you get there.

.beyondbitterandpissed.
.hatebeinginthered.

-Lnk-

leave it to me

2010-03-02T19:52:00.001-08:00

leave it to me i'll mess it all up
everything my hands touch just falls apart
i'm falling apart

leave it to me i'll make the right wrong
don't know how i do it but man i do it well.

i shut my eyes and take long deep breathes
i don't want to say anything i'll regret

.blank.

-Lnk-

God provides

2010-02-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

and who am i to doubt Him?

.iamsosmall.

-Lnk-

and it shifts

2010-02-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

so today was great. funny how my previous blog makes the world seem grim.
came across a video today
and i still can't believe how hard some people try,
its weird?

i'm not sure how it makes me feel
but i do feel queezy.

oh well, i'm going to bed really early tonight so i'm excited about that.
and i'm getting everything lined up for manana.

and i'm running again.
in some mad fancy shoes
thank you baby :)

.fivepointohhs.

-Lnk-

the harder

2010-02-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

the harder i try
the worse it comes.
at least that's the way it seems.

i'm cleaning up
being accountable
trying to be organized
and life just gets heavier and heavier.
when can it be "normal" for just awhile.
some nights/days are better than others.
and some are just harsh.

i'm not complaining.
i couldn't be happier with where i'm at right now.
i'm so blessed to have my jobs
be going to school
awesome friends
great family
a smokin hot girlfriend.

what else could i ask for?

peace......maybe?
patience?

both of those are hefty requests

.ineedtopraymore.

-Lnk-

neuron overload

2010-02-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

dock night
it was awesome
too many embers
and not enough Chapelle

but now i'm tired
and have to sleep
in a bed i haven't been frequenting lately
which makes me sad.

it's cold tonight.
hitting 40's
so so so so nice
windows open and i will sleep soundly.

.goodnight.

-Lnk-

grammy's

2010-02-02T23:15:00.000-08:00

i don't understand how artists can receive awards (or be nominated for them)
when they aren't even singing.
autotune doesn't mean you are singing.
my dad put it well "i could win an award with autotune."

now the double edge here is that i like autotune.
i like the way it robotizes your voice
and gives it "that sound".
but when every song on your album has you use using it
for the majority of the song
sorry
you aren't an artist.

you are paying producers for beats
and having a computer program pitch bend your voice.
and most of you all don't even write your own lyrics.

booooooooooo

everyone should save up their pennies for "Farewell, Forest"
cause it's going to rock your world

.snakesandraccoons.

-Lnk-

if feel bad

2010-01-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

i realize that this blog is slacking
and that i enjoy reading my writing.
so i'm writing again
to have more entries.
cause big numbers make me feel secure.

i found a love hidden in a corner of my heart.
didn't know it was there before
but now its in every space.
no more room for fear or doubt,
just blood filled with love being pumped all throughout.
just stop worrying
and save your tears.
hold my hand and know that this will all be over.
"do you trust me?"

okay, i'm really going to bed now.

.goodnightmeeko.

-Lnk-

its already tomorrow/am i a prick?

2010-01-20T23:40:00.000-08:00

so just got home from dropping off Rios.
i'm tired.
i have a headache.
and tonight was great.
love talking to him and its always intellectual.

got some gas on the way home and ran into some people.
they were all driving ford rangers
save some dude in a blacked out car
that they were all standing around poking and prodding at with sticks.

mind you this is at 2 am.

so i go to pay for my gas
and one dude is practically screaming through the door about which mountain dew he wants.
he's directing the attendee to which one he wants.
this is one of those gas stations where after 12 you can't come in,
you have to order from the side.

which is stupid,
but i digress.

so after he finally leads the attendee to the correct beverage
he comments
"God d***! What an a$$ hole. Stupid a$$."
he looks at me,
i smile.

i wait for this dude and his friend to pay for their drinks and smokes
and i pony up the cash for my gas.
i walk to my truck and hear some unrecognizable country music being blared from the ranger next to me.

i pump away looking forward to heading home and sleeping.

he points at my truck,
"I can get the white plates for those."

huh?
for your meters. look i have mine done.
oh cool (me trying to be convincing at 2:30 am)
i also do headliners.
oh nice.
i install this part for 150 or this part for 50.
oh cool man. (both parts look the same to me...did i already say i know nothing about truck interiors?!?)
so yeah man i can do it for ya.
thanks let me get your number. (my attempt at ending this interaction asap but still wanting to look sincere)
yeah call me anytime. i work extensively on rangers.
[friend #2 steps in] you need powdering?
yeah he does powdering real well.
uhhh no? (once again, no idea what he's asking me)thanks though, i'll hit you up.
[looks at my truck]
damn that's crispy as f*ck. where'd you get it?
(i have no idea what crispy means as i only use that word when describing KFC's delicious chicken)
hialeah.
k man be easy.
you too.

i drive away and thank God that was over.

i'm such a hater.
get to bed kids.
stop driving around, fixing your cars
blaring your AWFUL music, yelling at gas station attendants
and GO HOME!!

i assume you live somewhere so why don't you do what everyone else is doing and sleep.
it might help get rid of that odor your body seems to be caked in.

i'm just saying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i don't like people yelling at other people
and i don't like people pointing at my truck.

taking the Lord's name in vain ain't cool either.

you ain't touching my truck.

.i'mcrankycausei'mtired.

-Lnk-

this post is for you my dear. thanks for letting me know i'm a slacker

throwing down the gauntlet

2009-12-22T23:33:00.000-08:00

i'm tired.
psychically
and spiritually.

but tomorrow is a new day.

and God prevails.

.breakfast.

-Lnk-

whistling

2009-12-21T23:46:00.000-08:00

so i'm home from recording with crud.
i'm tired and it was a long ride back.
but it's cold and my windows are open,
so i can smile.

but what has become so apparent is
the raging river.

i can see God on the other side
and see my sin that separates us.
it will never go away until i die.
i will never be perfect until i pass away.

i see myself as me,
but He sees His Son in me.
and that blows my mind.

tomorrow it should be cold as well.
so that'll be good

and hopefully everyone will be happy too.

.theofficeagain.

-Lnk-

late nite

2009-12-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

my body has realized that it is on christmas break
and it will not let me retire before 2.
no matter how hard i try.

they spoke of a star that guided the wisemen home.
why isn't there one when i need it the most.
maybe its' bright and shining in the sky
and i'm too focused on the earth to see the brilliance above.

maybe i need new eyes
these sure feel tired and worn.
i don't think i would find awe in much anymore,
i'm jaded.
that's why i enjoy my work
because kids don't see the world as we do.
its just "the world"
they haven't had science rob them of all the answers.

its unique.
and that is what is slipping away from me.

.sleepy.

-Lnk-

no love

2009-11-19T05:44:00.000-08:00

i'm tired of this drive
and waking up so damn early.
arrrghhhhh
just bring the fall already
i want the cool weather.
i want to be at church playing music already
the journey there is way TOO long.

just keep talking dude
but no one is listening.
why is this the right thing to do?

i'll never know.
i have some weird theories but they would just sound ridiculous.

.brainwashing?.

-Lnk-

mw2

2009-11-10T00:03:00.000-08:00

got modern warfare 2 tonight.
headed to gamestop and held my number 34.
and the game is worth all the waiting and the receipt exchanges.
its mad intense and going to consume a lot of my time.

but on the more serious side
i am praying about going into the ministry.
using my gift of music in the church as a worship pastor.
so i'm mulling through what that would mean for me,
and trying to keep everything in line.
but it is harsh.

i don't understand everything
and God has been granting me patience
and mercy.
and i am thankful.

but i also am tired.
and i will go to sleep
with unresolved issues
that i can't control
but i'm trying to get it addressed,
but the addressee continues to return my requests.

.alliwanttodoishelp.

-Lnk-

i didn't even know

2009-10-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

that this was so tedious.
that time went so quickly.
that i would be affected this much.
that this sucks sooooo much.

goodness, this is just down right ridiculous.
i starting to really hate things.
the drive isn't what i detest
its what happens after i get out of the car.

i don't even want to put it down
but i want to remember how far i've come.

.rabblerabble.

-Lnk-

gorgeousity

2009-10-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

what are you dreaming of?
what makes you so comfortable around me?
you are so peaceful as you drift off into sleep.
i'm encompassed by your beauty
and can't explain what you do to me.

but i love it.

i'm putting this down to try and capture this moment
cause forgetting it would be a crime.

.i'llkeepyouwarm.

-Lnk-

school is my cage

2009-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

i'm back at FIU.
i miss haiti.
there is too much here to distract me.
but i'm making the best of it.

got to watch shawshank last night.
definitely one of my top five movies.
i'm sucking the bandwidth dry hahaha

i have no truck.
sherman is in the shop
but hopefully i'll have him back by today.
i do miss my vehicle.

goodness people here are so into there appearance.

in my first class my teacher wanted me to talk about haiti.
so i did.
was working my way into talking about God and that Jesus being the main reason i went.
but he wouldn't stop talking.....
oh well.
i'm hoping they gathered that when i said i went with my parents church.

well i'm off to drown myself in youtube videos and wait to go eat.

peace

.37927.

-Lnk-

this class

2009-09-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

is so stupid.
i've been surfing icanhascheezburger.com
all day.

things have been looking up.
things aren't easier or getting better
but i've been talking to God consistently
and really feel Him moving through my actions.
my truck is crapping out, school is becoming overwhelming,
funds are tight, and i'm not sleeping enough
but God is good.

a verse i read yesterday really helped me.
1 peter 1:3-9
beautifully beautiful
really helped me last night.
i almost lost it at church
felt the tears waiting to come out.
choked them down and got through everything.

i'm looking forward to eating and listening to hank hannegraff's podcast.

had someone talk to me today. out of nowhere
that was nice.

and she is beautiful. so cute last night
and she fell asleep.......hahaha
like she always does.

.bser.

-Lnk-

ncaa and the jacuzzi

2009-09-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

this weekend has been awesome.
had some friends over to play tons of cod.
we actually stayed up mad late
till 4:30am, playing
and got purty dang far.
and the house looked like a nerd central
haha

after 4 hours of sleep i woke up
and turned on college gameday.
then it was the gators dominating troy.
which i watched jacuzzi side
thanks to a quite crafty friend.
diversion maneuvers.
it was awesome.

then i took my lovely lady out to the theatre
and saw 9.
great great film.
but i was and am mad tired.
everything starts returning normal tomorrow
but we still have NFL.....yeah!!!!

oh well now to sleep and an early start to tomorrow.
g'night

.streetfighter2.

-Lnk-

tues night

2009-09-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

so i got to play at youth tonight
and i realized how much i missed it.
there are some things that are still weird about it.
but overall i enjoyed it.

did my homework and had to get a new library card
and that was a hassle.
i'm glad i'm starting to see things in the light permanence.
michael spoke tonight and he said something i've always heard
but really made sense tonight.

"today is the day for salvation."

there is no "maybe tomorrow, i'll start reading later, i have no time."
its now or never.

"i have a watch but all it says is "Now""

.blooddrive.

-Lnk-

back again

2009-08-27T07:25:00.001-07:00

so my second day of class. not too bad.
my second class is canceled so i have an extended break.
did my first homework assignment
i am mr. anti-procrastinator so far.
figured out how to RSS feed.
purty excited about that.
met a cool kid in my first class
and i'm excited to hopefully get to know him
and build a relationship.

friggin a,
i think every year girls wear less and less clothing
and guys wear tighter and tighter jeans.
girls are going to be naked
and guys are are going to be sterile.

i started running again.
ran around 4 miles in 44 minutes.
going to do it again when i get home.
having me cooped up in these classrooms
forces me to get out and run.

not sure when the cafeteria switches to lunch.
i'm hankering for some food.
oh well
laterzz

.pocho.

-Lnk-

first day of fall '09

2009-08-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

dang son i haven't been on here in forever.
well the title of the blog is purty much where i'm at.
of course i get called on in my first class
to stand up and read. haha
just my luck, but i did it.
my second class is cake and it's already cancelled for thursday.
got some junk to take care of with this other class.
a lot of things up in the air this semester
got to be kidding me.
just had some lady walk up to me and start talking about my blog title.
it being revelation 11:15
and she asked me if i was a Christian and the conversation ensued.
now i actually have a group to go to
Thursdays at 3:15

i'm excited.
well i have two more classes here and one at pines
now to lunch

-Lnk-

neglected

2009-08-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

haven't written anything in awhile.
i'll start with the most devastating,
nala's dead.
she got hit by a car.
for as much as i said she annoyed me,
i really did love her
and the silence she left is deafening.
such is life.

love and loss

just came back from peru
and wish i didn't leave.
so much easier and understandable.
it just was

now off to sleep and hopefully i wake up 5 hours south of here

.machupicchu.

-Lnk-

on the eve of peace

2009-07-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

so i'm dyslexic
and don't have to worry about classes for awhile.

i've haven't gotten around to blogging for sometime
as i have found other ways to keep myself entertained.
but i have to express my utter disdain
and heartfelt pain to what i've been checking into
for the past couple days.

one of my friends showed me this man called
jon crowder.
he has no relation to david crowder.

but this guy, along with his followers
(congregation)
believe in being drunk in the spirit.

you can find his videos peppered amongst youtube land.
his worship leader, ben dunn, also has quite a few videos himself.
in said vids ben and his wife huff each other
and the Bible.

oh and this dude leads "worship" with drum sticks.

so........
i've watched as much of these videos as i can stomach,
and honestly it hurts.
i have no idea how people can be so blind
and dumb to the truth.

these men are claiming to be "preaching" from the Bible
when in actuality they are twisting the words to backup their ideology.
and the people in the audience can check their "preachers" because they have the Word
RIGHT IN THEIR LAPS.

these men and others like them are taking scripture way out of context.
they are leading many people astray
and also causing some people to fall away from Christianity all together.

its very sad but we were told this would eventually happen.

it's good to know that this isn't going on unchecked.

there are some people out there
speaking against this movement,
and taking the time to point out it's critical errors.

my boi rios got me a book that deals with this "revival"
and others similar to it.
its just sad to see people using the Word of God
and distorting it to mean whatever they please.

their manipulation of Scripture is just one of the many things that these "prophets" are defacing.
the list is long and saddening,
but when you can take the Bible out of context and get away with it,
you might as well throw the whole thing out the window.

without boundaries,
us dumb sheep run out into pastures that we were never meant to be in.

i just hope anybody reads this and gets as fired up as i am.
our brothers and sisters are being lead astray by false teachers.
they are being taught and ascribing to doctrines
that are completely wrong
and that are spiritually and emotionally dangerous.

i pray that God makes us sensitive to this and other issues
like it,
and that Jesus Christ can work through us and use us
to bring our siblings out of blindness.

*disclaimer* that last statement can come off as self-righteous,
but i hope you know that i'm in no way claiming to be better than anyone.
i just know if i was blind, i'd want someone to fight for my sight.

-Link

but one

2009-07-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

the man with a thousand truths to tell
always has (at least) one lie.

as he wandered through the scorching desert
he realized the only friend he has was the wind.
it whipped his arms, carrying sand along with it.
it chapped his lips and made his thirst grow stronger.
but he knew it
and it was familiar.

he traveled from village to village,
telling his stories.
he was believed and taken at his word
without reason he was accepted and adored.

he was not afraid of animal or beast
that slithered or crawled his way.
he simply did not pay them mind.
the rattlesnake would lung and strike him on his calf
and he would not flinch.

he would continue to walk.

before long, message of this nomad reached towns before he did.
towns people did not know what to think of him.
they let him set up in their town squares and speak
and they stood around and listened.

he never said more than he had to
and no one ever questioned his words.
he was what he appeared to be and nothing more.
they say his appearance varied by day.
long, matted hair one evening
and then nearly bald the next.

he was a mystery.

people saw him bleed though.
as he would enter the town
peoples eyes would lock.
after they shook themselves out of the daze
they would catch a glimpse of his snake bitten legs.
they were inflamed and red,
swollen to inhuman proportions.

but no one said a word.

funny thing is,
no one can remember what he said.
he came in,
spoke,
and left.
and no one remembers his words.

they were enamored by his presence
and would have followed him to war if he asked so.

but he did do one thing.

he would gather belongings such as
book, shoes, tools from people
and turn them over to others.
no one realized this at the time,
but soon after he left
the people realized their possession were gone
and that their neighbor had them.

he stole from the workers
and gave to those who begged.

he could have given them jobs.
he could have paid them to water his camel,
to make him new robes.

he made enough money as he walked into the towns.
townspeople literally threw it at his feet as he entered.

but he never gave them the means
just the ends they thought they deserved.

in the days following this man's leave of a town
large structures would appear instantly.
as if the sand were giving birth to buildings.
slowly columns would rise,
leading the way for walls,
and gates,
and a bridge.

these buildings were empty,
the wind could be heard sweeping through them
howling,
as if it were claiming these structures as their homes.

after awhile the people got used to these behemoths
outside of their gate.
they lived their lives and forgot about them.
they didn't see them anymore because that's exactly what the buildings told them to do.
forget and live.

towns caught fire,
not spontaneously,
that is just too far-fetched.

villages were burned down,
families were reduced to ashes
as the behemoths tossed hot oil over huts,
catapulted flaming stones into walls,
and spewed death over thousands.

no one saw it coming
the question is will we?

-Lnk-

its been awhile

2009-06-29T21:12:00.001-07:00

got back from haiti this morning.
beautiful.
the people, the scenery,
the richness of God,
the heat, the gnats,
the sweat, the fellowship.

i wasn't to sold on the idea of going at first.
my dad really wanted my sis and i to go at least once.
i had the summer open
and i love to travel.
and i'm so glad i went.

i miss everyone so much
and wish that i had more time
and a better knowledge of creole
to properly communicate the joy
that they have instilled in me.
i saw love and happiness in spite of sheer poverty.
i saw smiles and beautiful teeth from children with bloated,
malnourished stomachs.
i saw a woman who had given up everything,
to move to a foreign country
and be the vessel for God to move.

i saw Acts in motion,
God working,
the Holy Spirit in action
and Jesus Christ being praised.

there are too many things,
experiences,
to put up on here.
i have my journal
and that's where those thoughts will stay.

i will sleep in my bed
knowing that i will be back in haiti.
don't know when,
but i know i will be back.
and i know that God does not need me to work.
He was doing fine their without me
and He is still there now.

God be praised though these hands are wicked,
those this heart is calloused,
those these lips bring bitter waters.

may i step back
and be transparent
so that the light of Christ shines through.

.changeling.

-Lnk-

what?!

2009-06-17T17:10:00.001-07:00

okay i'm all for fashion
and i can appreciate eccentric clothing....
but some things just don't fly.
especially when you are going to church.

i don't think short skirts,
low cut dresses,
nut hugger jeans,
skimpy high shorts
or anything along those lines
should be ever worn.
they are just provocative for what reason?
and you are wearing that to go to church?
and when someone asks you in the service
what church you go to,
how will you represent it?

maybe i'm too conservative
but some things just aren't acceptable.
have some decency man.
seriously.

you aren't an object
but you are making yourself out to be

.noi'mnotgoing.

-Lnk-

sickness

2009-06-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

so i've been under the weather for the past two days.
and it's no fun.
camp was awesome
and i am glad that i got sick at home
and not at pine lake,
that would've been something awful.

but on to other things.....
for some odd and completely random reason
i have been sucked into the hype that is
"Jon and Kate Plus 8"
and i'm not sure why.
but seeing as they are not on good terms
i feel that i have something to say about this.
so here goes a short, tylenol daytime cold induced rant.

now while no one knows for sure what jon did,
i am in no way justifying his actions.
but.....dude kate
is such a bi...
let me stop before i get out of hand.
she isn't nice.

i've been fortunate to learn and really witness
what roles both men and women have in marriage.
and kate is way to controlling.
now i know people have character traits
and we are all different from each other.
but she is stepping her bounds.

i watched the show before this whole thing went down
and she has always been this way.
if she would give more leniency to jon
i think he wouldn't have gone to that bar and walk out with that lady.

now once again......
i'm not justifying his actions.
kate did not drive him to do this
he still had to make a decision.
but her being a control freak
didn't help.

k i'm done.

going to lay down.
and wait for this medicine kick in

.joel(thewatchmen).

-Lnk-

jehovah

2009-06-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

so i went up to boca last night
per the request of crud
to record a song.
i was hesistant at first
as i was mad nervous to play in front of someone
i truly respect.
but it was awesome.

the song we did
sounds so sick
and i can actually say i'm proud of it.
not in the boastful jerk way
but in the God gave me this song way.

so last night was long
and i'm already tired before i've even got to work,
but it was worth it.

.autotunethenews.

-Lnk-

nickel creek

2009-05-25T23:16:00.001-07:00

he was an old man
i was a rock at the bottom he was never supposed to view.
but he crashed down
how the winds of change are still true.

i could see in his face the worry of his descent,
i assured him it wasn't too bad besides being bleak.
he tried to talk but water filled his lungs
i said the trick is to live on the water and air never seek.

his veins were visible in his eyes,
his skinned matched the depth of the blue.
no longer would he see the sky
his hands split and legs broke too.

he was dying in front of my eyes
the pressure of living can be harsh.
but i've been here 20 years
and don't plan of being nice now.

his body shivered and quaked
and lungs collapsed, one then two.
i laughed, this happens to all
i said "die and except your truth.

the reason i was already down here
i found the truth
and that is that nothing is true.
only that the ground exists
and you are dead."

as his left hand popped one last time
a white paper fluttered out.
it danced around his seizing body
and its red letters spelled "COME OUT!!!"

it was my loved one's script
she saw me dive to this depth.
she sent him as a messenger
and i let him go.

his eyes looked wide
he mouthed "sorry."
i whispered
"i am."

his body floated back up
and i saw my last chance leaving.
i struggled, wiggled and danced.
i was free.
i pushed as hard as rock could.

i landed on his back.
we floated to the top.
the snakes picked at him as we surfaced
and the sea was as calm as the sand.

there she was,
smiling.
i saw her for the first time in 20
and knew i was wrong.

she picked me up
and his body floated away.
she kissed my hard shell
and covered me in a blanket.

whatever i thought down there didn't matter.
she was here with me.
why would she love me?
why did he die?

he was my saving grace
to bring me to her.

i was a rock at the bottom
and i was saved.
and brought back to my love.

-Lnk-

what am i

2009-05-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

what am i doing with such a girl?
honestly God,
who am i?
dude, she laughs at will ferrell.

i couldn't be more satisfied.
God is too good
and who wouldve thought
that He'd answer a prayer so exactly.

i'm simply amazed.
quiet and awestruck.
this week has been nuts at times
but right now i'm chill
and this is too good.

.ithoughtweweresupposedtobepatriotic.

-Lnk-

bank accounts and rosie o' donnell

2009-05-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

so tonight was shocking.
the dude at eikon could've been reading off my life script.
he nailed it.
i was reluctant to go to the grille,
but i went and like usual
it was a lot of fun.
good times with good people.

but she wore my hoody
and it covered her hands
and was way too big on her
but she was ever so cute in it.
this is all new
and so exciting.

i have to get shots in the morning.
last time i had shots i think i was 11.
grrrrr.....no fun
and i have to wake up mad early as well.
double gross.

i keep thinking i hear the chat "bleep"
hoping you message me.

you did :)

so yeah tomorrow is my boi's wedding rehearsal.
i'm looking forward to it.
playing music with excellent musicians
is never a bad thing.
its quite glorious
and about the closest i think i'll get to flying.

i'm listening to jaga jazzist
don't know why i ever took them off.
they are so great.
perfect chill music.

lyric to remember

"Jesus died my soul to save" my lips shall still repeat.

beautiful......
oh man think i just got transported
to another world.
jaga jazzist is killing it so good right now.

wish i had someone to share this other headphone with.

.alivingroomhush.

-Lnk-

few things in life so sweet

2009-05-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

there are a couple of things in life that make me content,
happy, elated, satisfied, joyful, anxious......etc.
some of those are as follows (in no particular order)
peanut butter
technology (ranging from computers to xbox)
music
listening to jazz
playing music
playing music with good musicians
playing music with the_crud
finding beauty in broken things (such as buildings)
finding beauty in nature
being floored by our Awesome God

and the list goes on.

but all that to say this.

i found a new thing
and this comes out of nowhere.
i have no idea how this happened
but you will not find me complaining.

its her falling asleep on me.
its cute
she fragile
and i'm careful.
she feel asleep again tonight
and if the hands of the clock didn't move from then on,
i would've been completely fine.
sitting there
with her lying silently
using me as her head rest.

tonight didn't turn out how i was hoping it would.
and i talk entirely too much,
but she made up for it.
and she didn't have to do a thing.

the weather got me down
but right when she opened the door
that was that.
the night could only be great
'cause i got to spend it with her.

i'm so lucky and blessed.
and duke ellington is perfect for 11:46 pm

.perdido.

-Lnk-

wipe-out

2009-05-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

this is mad late
but the day was too crazy to not put down in words.
took my boi rios to ftl airport this morning.
i woke up at 7:15
that time doesn't usually exist in my life
especially not on weekdays.
but for friends i make exceptions.

so i dropped him off and drove to markham
to meet my pops and uncle.
they were taking out my uncle's wave runner
and i can't pass up the opportunity to tear it up on the water.
so after waiting for awhile for the storms to pass
we put in the water and took off.
after we all had taken the wave runner by ourselves
my uncle wanted to pull me on the tube.
i got in the water and held on.

i'm always kind of nervous when i go on a tube
but they are so much friggin' fun.
love it.
hahaha love
i've been tubing on a lot of lakes,
being towed by various people
so i guess it's also kind of nostalgic too.

so.......
my uncle isn't too skilled at towing people.
i ended up crashing into reeds/sawgrass one time.
i wasn't hurt just a little frazzled.
he was concerned but i told him it was cool
and i wanted to go again.

he drove a little more
then it happened.
he didn't cut it short enough
and i ended up crashing on the shore
smashing my left foot into rocks.

as i saw the rocks and shore running up to meet me
i thought i was done.
not that i was going to die,
but i was going to break something and not be able to play tomorrow
and just be out of commission.
but thank God that wasn't the case.

my foot hurts so bad.
i can't walk on it.
it isn't broken but mad mad sore.
its cut up nice.
but yeah that was the beginning of my day.

i came home after getting poured on
and trying to not make a big deal out of it.
i didn't want my uncle to feel worse than he did
and i wanted him and my dad to have fun.

i crashed in my bed.
i woke up to a phone call
and a delivery.
its hard to smile when you aren't entirely coherent
but i was overwhelmed.
thank you :)

my boi had his bachelor party tonight
and i got to kick it with him
and some kids i haven't seen in awhile.
i really enjoy catching up with people
and laughing.
and there was plenty of that tonight.

i will sleep heavy tonight
and hopefully some of this pain will be gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i spoke to God this morning in return from the airport.
i'm so amazed.
i'm glad i'm weak
that we are weak.
so we are forced to look outside ourselves for help.
to find God.
how the law was written so we can see how far we fall
but how Christ was sent to be the saving grace.

its all so beautiful and cyclical
and how it has been falling into place recently.
i've smiled at least 50 times everyday,
and the great thing is
that everyday hasn't been great.
its been life.

ups and downs
misunderstandings
long conversations
awkward situations
and everything in between.

and tomorrow i get to jam with some sick musicians.
once again,
i don't know why i'm with them
cause i ain't that hot.
but i'm not complaining.

just make your decisions carefully.

.playradioplayagain!!!!.

-Lnk-

playradio

2009-05-10T20:58:00.001-07:00

i screwed this filter cap on to tight.
you left this at my doorstep
does is it mean anything to you?
why don't i just be the man
and do what my hands have a leniency towards?

this is the start from the beginning
all over again.
this is the exciting and the let down
as the night comes to end.
this is the windows down
and the conversation up,
this is not the way i'd
thought it would be.

but i smile
cause i could listen to you talk
for hours and hours
and never be bored.
my heart swells
like the grinch over who-ville,
i can't explain it
but i know my heart did expand.

part of me wants to jump the gun
be what i see and just get there now.
but the chase is part of the fun
and you are more than entertaining
you are brain matter stimulating.
i can't define what this is
but i know that God is true.
He is sovereign and i pray
that He is the center of me and you.

no more rhyming.
but i felt like it for awhile.

wish i had some chocolate chip cookies
and cold milk.

.aboicandream.

-Lnk-

i'm through

2009-05-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

"Jesus Christ, firstborn of the dead." Revelation 1:5

i'm through.
i ruined 2 1/2 weeks
cause i'm selfish.
and now all i can do is grieve
and ask for repentance.

i just want to mourn and apologize
apologize for me trying to do it.
when looking at the last days of my life
all i can see is You.
and today all i focused on was me.

Lord, i'm broken.
"Woe is me for I am a man of unclean lips."
and unclean hands, eyes, feet etc.
let Your power be shown in my weakness,
let Your glory be displayed in my mourning.
may my life still be profitable for Your kingdom.
work in spite of my undoing.

God send Your grace
send Your forgiveness.

"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."
1 Timothy 1:15-17

God may this scripture be the prayer of my heart.
i am the worst and may You be glorified
despite my best attempts to keep this focused on myself.

.bumpthis.

-Lnk-

night blooming jasmines

2009-05-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

so i went to the celebration party thing,
i was reluctant.
but lately i've been forcing myself to get out there.
and tonight was worth it.
it was so much fun.
the food was great,
the entertainment was excellent
and the company was superb.

met her grandparents and aunt and uncle.
they were so nice and interesting to talk to.
i was talking to her as we drove to jennifer's house,
how cool and nice her parents were.
and i told her that i thought that was a big reason
of why i like being with her.
her parents raised her right.
to be respectful, kind
have morals.
if you have a rough home life,
you need a lot of people to make up
for what you're parents can't provide.

so we attempted to watch a movie at jennifer's.
everyone fell asleep except me.
but she rested on me.
i was so shocked that i had the gall
to even put my arm around her.
but i did and she rested her head on it.
i could've sworn that the couch had electricity surging through it.

after i woke her up and we left
and i drove her home
i got back into my truck and played the new
mwY album
and smiled the entire way home.
i know God is the God of the universe
but for some reason i don't see Him as getting involved with little things.
i know He does but i don't think He would bother with me.
but tonight.......
her head resting
asleep
that was all Him.
'cause i'm not that type of guy.

so many new cd's out
and so much squeezing its way through my synapses.
i won't have much time to sleep through tonight
but God allowed me to spend the early morning hours
with a great girl.
and tomorrow seems possible.

.warsandrumorsofwars.

-Lnk-

been gone for awhile

2009-05-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

so yeah, i've been busy.
i told that i'm not too busy,
seems that right as those words left my tongue
my time was consumed.
been going to eikon for the past 2 weeks
and really dig it.
the messages have been good
and the music is killer.
the fellowship after at the grille
is awesome as well.

i've made a lot of new friends
and taking brave steps.
in 2 days it will be 2 weeks!
never thought i'd make it this far
and it's only by God's good graces.

been hanging out with a lady quite a bit.
today went with her as she bought a mac laptop.
the apple store is my ideal work place.
i don't know if i'm ready to date again
but this girl is amazing.
i'm not spewing infatuations
i'm telling facts.
she is Godly and knows the Word,
she is funny,
she is outgoing and gets along with anyone,
my sis digs her,
she is convicted,
she is mature,
she knows what she wants.

its extremely refreshing to converse
with someone so focused.
honestly, we've only known each other for about 2 weeks
but our conversations never dribble.
we talk about God and our human condition tons
and she is a smart one.

i didn't go searching for a girl.
i didn't throw my heart out on a line,
i still have it and i'm hoarding it like a prize.

there are no words to explain this,
seriously i can't find any.

but.......
i'm going to her sister's graduation party manana
she finished med school and her rents
are having a huge celebration.
straight up belly dancer,
dj, live band.
her family is egyptian.

i don't know how i got here
and i'm just now understanding the weight of God's sovereignty.
i've made so many friends in the past 2 weeks
and seen God provide in blunt ways.
i have no words to describe what has been going on
and i think its better left at that.

. .

-Lnk-

i'm not special

2009-04-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

i'm not great by any means.
i've got bends in more than my knees.
at times my bones push through my skin
wondering at how i ended up in this body i am in.
wondering why i'm loved by You
and why you stay around.
after the lights are off and silence is the sound.
i'm nothing special or cool
just genes and some molecules.
a walking primordial pool.

and tonight i'm feeling it deep
between the ribs and heart.
somewhere lodged at the back of my stomach
against my spine.
it burns
cause i don't know how to deal.
i'm a sucker for a conversation
and the gauntlet has been thrown.

and when do i make it known
that the new sun shines brighter
and differently?
i don't want dark corners
i want it all out there
for eyes to observe.
i want You to have all
cause You gave.

now my fallible body aches for sleep,
and before i pass off
i know i'll think about the day
and what i've said and thought.
i'll take back those words
but i'll leave the moments.
because i'll laugh about a dog eating a squeak toy.
and you trying to smack a fly out of the air.

with God all things are possible
and i'm beginning to understand what that actually means.

.guyritchie.

-Lnk-

been strong

2009-04-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

i've been going steady now,
just on the straight.
but today i got angry
and i didn't like it.
over something very very small.

i think that's my next thing to deal with,
my anger issue.
don't know where it came from,
i think its from my dad.
got my music from my mom
and some of my temperament from my pops.
argghh
besides that everything is gravy.

i'm 23 now!
that's exciting right?
and i believe this is my 301st post
another accomplishment!

but i can't go on talking ignoring something
that God has brought along.
*disclaimer*
i don't want a girlfriend.
i enjoi being single.

stephanie rabbat
a egyptian canadian
ridiculously rooted in God's Word.
i don't ever really take anyone's advice on ladies.
but i listened to jimmy.
i ponied up and took the initiative to talk to her,
and we've been talking a lot.
it's great.
she went to the weston college group last night
and she really enjoyed it.
unlike two j's that came with.
but that's neither here nor there.
i know that this info doesn't make everyone as happy as it does me.
but what can i do?
i didn't go out looking for her.
it just happened.

but i've been reading ephesians
and knowledge of the Holy
and mere christianity.
and things are purty swanky.

God is too good.

.asilaydying.

-Lnk-

Life changing

2009-04-21T23:23:00.001-07:00

saw a cow give birth saturday.
and i prayed.
things have been going great,
besides someone getting their face bitten.
phone conversations are hard,
texting is so much easier.
but hearing someones voice
is much more sincere.

and your voice doesn't sound
coming from the other side.
whew that was done with.
watching the office again.
puts a smile on my face.

done with exams and have one stupid class left.
arghh have to show up.
tomorrow is going to be busy.
but i will most likely be smiling.

like i am now

.ephesians1:7.

-Lnk-

daggers

2009-04-17T23:05:00.000-07:00

so the chariot has released some new stuff.
its great.
they will probably go down as one of my favorite bands.
they are chaotic
as is my thinking.

them, showbread, copeland,
as cities burn.......
hahaha i'm not venturing into that.
not going to even try to name my favorite bands.
that would hurt me too much.

but please, let this go.
don't know if you have the kite string still around your hand,
but at least pull it in some
and erase what is on it.
please.

i walk around and sometimes catch a glimpse
of that kite in the sky.
i don't want to see it.
i tear apart the plastic handles around
in an effort to lower the chances of one catching air.
but its always there.
i just want one day when i don't hear it.
flapping in the wind.

one of my boi's found a girl,
and oh does he know how to pick them.
she's a winner.
and the girl was nice enough to try and set me up,
with her friend.
that made me happy,
but i don't know if i'm going to go through with it.
i'm so nervous,
haha,
but it made me happy she thought about me.
js is a really good friend.
all my friends kick ass.
they are loyal over everything,
and js stands out amongst them.

our conversation today,
"I was talking to her about how great you are and your music and whatever and she asked if you'd like to double date with us."
"Hahaha dude thanks for talking me up. Hahaha"
"Somebody has too. So what do you think?"
"Ummmm...."

he's so cool.
thanks man.
for standing up for me wherever you are.
you are a truly great person.
and you deserve the chica your with.

.kickass.

-Lnk-

burned it

2009-04-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

so i cleaned my room today.
i found where i kept your notes.
i read some of them,
unfolded them and read.
a lot of words.
they were still creased and everything.
mint condition.

took them to the fire pit,
and burned them.
it sucked,
but on the silver lining....
folded paper burns really cool.
just push some propane gas on it,
and each fold burns individually.

i made sure all the ink was gone.
its still burning out back.
and i don't think we ever got to share the pit.
whatever...
they are burning and getting taken by the wind.
i can think of something to say,
but it'd be too mean.

it was great having no real reason to wake up.
just slept.
woke up late,
stayed up even later.

no matter how much i talk
or fill my ears with great noise,
i can't stop thinking about what you wrote.
i know you meant it then,
but its crazy how people change so quickly.

i'm done with this.
bump it.

.hotsauce.

-Lnk-

first beer i've enjoied

2009-04-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

bought my first case,
with my sis.
cause i needed cash back at publix.
hahahaha
but d.d. turned me on to blue moon.
taste good!

listening to mewithoutYou
forcing myself to work on a paper.
but that's going nowhere quickly.
but i want to dance outside,
on the roof,
with you.
hand in hand.
would you be as simple as i've imagined?
or are you just as everything else that i've built up?
destined to fall after i've touched you.

just keep your distance,
whisper loud enough so i can hear you.
but don't let me close,
because when that happens
i will ruin everything.

boom clap clap
clap clap
clap clap

so.......
yeah.
nothing really nuts going on with me.
i really want to be touched though.
i miss that.

but i don't want just anybody,
i want that someone.
who i can talk to hours with.
about life, God, politics, music.
i want her to challenge me,
not necessarily by her words
more by her actions.

i've seen some.
but not yet.
i keep telling myself not yet.
but i can imagine my hand in yours,
your face in my palms.
your head on my chest.
but who am i for you?
why me when you can have anyone else?
others wanted "life" or my best friend.
what do i lack?
what am i missing?

am i that inadequate...
am i insufficient.
is there something that i do not have
that causes girls to slowly fade away from me?
what is it....
what can i fix?

i remember now walks at the park.
leaving to drive,
playing basketball endlessly,
tuning tiny acoustics.
looking for small dog,
laying on your road,
flying to see,
driving back,
crying.

wow!!
that's is a lot of stuff.
man, what have i done?
so many memories,
but they are nothing more than that.

i am helpless.
God, pour me out.
tie me up, untie me!!

kiss me please.
hug me so i know you'd like to.

but once again,
you never will.
because i'll never tell you how i feel.

i'm not going to lose again,
so stop before you try.

.thankstothepast.

-Lnk-

killer madz

2009-04-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

for the first time in awhile,
i wrote something i could stand.
haha
i'm taking bold steps
and i'v fallen straight through at least once...
so far.
but it was worth it
and i've never put my foot out that far.
it felt good,
like a rush
a sudden flush of my face.

spinning some mewithoutYou now.
honestly,
they are the only band that makes me want to truly dance.
not that, "i'm going to dance 'cause everyone else is."
its that, "dance dance, bend knees, sway arms and breathe in the air."
that kind of dance.
just exaggerated movement i guess.
i am in no way coordinated enough
to string specific flails
into anything that would constitute as a dance.
but mewithoutYou makes me believe that no one cares.
that we would all dance together
smiling 'cause we know our God is bigger than our problems
and because we have each other.

ahhhhh....
so lovely.
give me some music with passion.
raise your vocals and sing oh creation
for the Creator that formed you
is beautiful beyond comparison.
His words are the tools
we are His created.

ahhhh....
nights like this
that make being alone not such a terribly bad thing.
in this mood,
i mean everything i say.
so let me get out of the way.
~~~~~~~~~~~
random question:
why don't you ever use the bathroom before you leave?
haha
had to ask.
you are beautiful and i wish you could see it.
if you did,
you'd see all that is around you is useless.
the drama,
the talking.
you don't need attention,
you don't need a boy.
honestly,
you just need to rest,
stop thinking about what anybody is thinking about you,
grab a cup of coffee and/or tea,
lay back on your bed and breathe.

realize you are alive,
that you are spared from further dating a jackass,
that God has brought you out of despair,
that the girl in the mirror is not you.

i saw a glimpse of you,
caught it while i was looking down.
i didn't see you're face but i heard your voice,
and saw your hand movement.
that was you.
it was gorgeous,
like a single ray through grey clouds.
my heart stopped and i gasped.

i have nothing else to say,
other than know that you are beautiful.
don't sell yourself short.
who cares who you see
whenever you do.
God loves you
and God loves them.
just breathe
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHIfT:
oh man this song is going to hurt.
but i'm not changing it.
i'm a man.
i can do this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
i've seen you at least 15 times since it ended.
and everytime she turns around,
i silently hope it is you.
and it never is,
and i smile
'cause i can't see you anymore.

i've taken things that you made down,
some i've left up.
don't know the difference between either.
just my choosing.

are we we?

i have random questions
i'm better sometimes
and other times i miss everything.

now i'm half/half.

but i know things will happen.
haha that's general.
things do happen
and the future never stops.
so hopefully,
that will have a bright sun.
bright enough to blot out my burns.
to singe new pictures.

in all honesty,
we had great times didn't we?
i love the big city
and i will never forget the island.
but i wish i could go there again,
without thinking of you.
you monopolized my synapses
but i gave them to you voluntarily.

scabs are what i have to show.

i bite my lip so well
and honestly i don't think you know what you've done.
i'm using the word "honestly" too much,
my apologies.

but you don't have any idea.
i don't say this to make you feel bad or awful
or whichever word you may choose.
i just have to tell you
because you are the only person who would understand.

i opened up early,
soon.
and i gave a lot.
you made first moves,
but i made up for that.
i did things that i've never done
and i'm ashamed that i did them so blindly.
you didn't force me,
i gave in on my own accord.
wish i would thought straight.

but yeah, i'm hurt.
like stomach pains and unmentionable anger.
when i said i wasn't mad at you,
i lied.
i am.
and i don't know when i'll be over it.

i hold grudges way too easily.

okay i can't say anymore.
hahaha
this is ruining my night.
~~~~~~~~~
ummm....
anything else
yesterday part of my heart died.
again i gave it away.

i'm sure i'm partially retarded
if it burns your hand off
you should stop lighting fireworks.
but i'll be damned,
i can't put down the lighter.

i love my job.
those kids are awesome.
any problems,
are melted away but their smiles
and their constant questions.

today i walked in to work
and saw one child in particular
and i smiled
and my day was perfect.

guess that's all.

but oh my!!!
i have so much more to say.
words can't express it.
and that'll have to do.

.someonemakemeafraidofwhati'vebecome.

-Lnk-

impressions

2009-03-31T15:12:00.001-07:00

so i had some time to do nothing.
so i started working on my walken impression.
it's difficult.
tried to do it on the way to school.
now all i can hear is everything spoken
as if walken spoke it.

it's boring in my brain

.screw.

-Lnk-

i like space

2009-03-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

i'm not good enough
on my knees is where i need to be,
but where you'll not likely find me.

i give my heart away like everyday,
not to You,
but to Your creation.
my goodness,
like i....
damn.....
i just want to be held.
and some nights
i want it more than others.

like last night,
think i melted.
she was in no way ugly
but she felt that way.
if girls only knew....

but i can never say it,
out of my mouth.
cause i'm a sucker for a pretty face.
the first time i tell anyone,
will most likely be the last.
with my face bright red
and my heart pounding a million miles a minute.
i will not say anything.

.causeimapuss.

-Lnk-

to quote hannah montana

2009-03-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

we want "the best of both worlds."
we want to date someone,
but still have the freedom to be single,
we want to be in God's grace,
yet we want to hold on to our sinful nature.

make a decision,
to quote Becoming the Archetype
"It's life or death
Now make your choice
Whose side are you on?"

step up and choose what you want?
you want your life on your own terms,
or you going to do things God's way?

i also, throughout yesterday, realized
that dead men can't be reasoned with.
2 Corinthians 4:4
"The god (Satan) of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God."
if they can't see,
how are they going to be able to understand.

and in that lies the mystery of God
and his sovereignty.
i have to trust that He allows everyone an opportunity for salvation.

pick your side,
Matthew 8:22
But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."
Luke 9:62
Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
get moving.
all or nothing.

.wewanteverything.

-Lnk-

only so much i can take

2009-03-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

i can only have so much of you.
you make me too happy.
when i hear you sing,
it makes me feel warm.
your eclectic
and your simple clothes
remind me of the middle of summer.
i'm smitten.
like waking up from a midday nap
and feeling so content.
i'll probably never meet you
and i will be the first to say
that this is weird that i'm blogging about you
but you have captured my eye
with simple words
and sounds to accompany them.
wish i could take you out.
but how would a boy like me
find you?
for now i have my guitar?
hopefully my songs will find you
as yours have found me
and you smile.
cause my face is never in a frown
listening to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so...........
man life has been hectic.
between one of my best friends
being hurt really bad
and my boi in virginia
getting a job,
its great and horrible haha.
i've been really busy
trying to finish school field hours,
school projects
and working.
i'm growing my facial hair
and don't plan on shaving for awhile.
i have no one to impress,
although i could think of a few.
but its just me
relax and chill.

tomorrow i plan on mowing the lawn,
outside YEAH!!!!
i like smelling like the sun.
its rewarding.
i saw her sis and mom at dunkin donuts
and dreamt about her last night.
the dream was happy and it was like it was.
we were on the road,
but i woke up and realized where i was
and where she's gone to.
what am i going to do about it?
nothing much.
but her mom gave me the most sincere hug i've had in awhile.
it made me smile through the awkwardness.
we spoke and her sis is still addicted to that cellphone.
haha
good times.
i'm happy i met her
but i need to stop giving my heart away,
she earned it
and i gave it willingly.
but how many times can i do this?
two is too much already
hahaha i'm such a puss.

damn third eye blind is sick.
but tomorrow is wide open
and saturday tackett will be in town.
should be sick.
next sunday i'm leading a song in big church,
and i realized last weekend
that i was always wanting to be on big church stage.
even at flamingo,
i wanted to play with the adults.
and now i am
but at a different church,
but they are nice
and always smile and ask if i need anything.
just cool that i remembered that dream of mine.

man i've been through shit,
haha and God has brought me here.
in a v-neck white shirt,
old P.E. shorts,
single,
in a house with my sis and dog,
in school,
facial hair,
confused,
and kind of sun burned.

i'm okay with life,
but being okay doesn't mean i'm not mad.
does anyone realize that relationship is built on a lie?
anyone but me?
when is anyone going to ask questions?
arrgghhh....
its the same thing with our government,
haha no one is going to ask questions
and when people start realizing whats happening
it'll be too late.
good thing obama isn't in control
GOD/JEHOVAH/ALPHA and OMEGA IS!!!!!!
damn that's so refreshing and comforting.

only place i'd rather be is either at disney or passion

.eitherofthetwo.

-Lnk-

only line of communication

2009-03-24T17:19:00.001-07:00

came across a derek webb video
that had a song from his newest record.
its entitled "A Savior on Capitol Hill"
it's a cutting song.
blunt and honest.
and before one of his performances of that song
he spoke a bit.
and this stood out.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't vote, just that you're at liberty not to. Never do anything that violated your conscience."

before he dropped that chunk of knowledge,
he challenged people who were struggling with who to vote for,
to find a mandate in the Bible that says to vote.
he made it clear he wasn't against people getting involved
and hell, he's in the thick of it.
writing and singing his songs that speak about being a Christian in our nation.

but that was awesome.
i've always had that on my mind.
hearing well meaning folks encourage and nea i say, demand me to vote.
where is that in the Bible?
to vote.
even if you don't agree with any side?

but i'm just thinking about it today.
and maybe talking to someone.
maybe someone will agree and listen.

.peclass.

-Lnk-

drop it all

2009-03-18T18:32:00.001-07:00

if i met you tomorrow,
i'd drop everything.
i'd stop everything
just to let you know that you are worth it.

if you bumped into me and knocked my books down,
i'd leave them there.
on the floor, face up;
just the way you make me feel.

all life aside and just with you.
i don't need a huge house,
filled with gratuitous amounts of stuff.
a shack would do,
simply built for two,
and pots to catch the rain.

on the side of mountain
overlooking the sea,
or in the rundown projects
in the back alley.
our home,
my spouse.
just us and God.

asking Him questions,
quoting scripture we are struggling with.
losing sleep because sleep only takes away from time with each other.

i'm not crazy good looking,
i'm not chiseled out of white marble.
i'm not smooth or slick.

i'm quirky and have dreams to give.

*shrug*

-Lnk-

fml

2009-03-15T22:38:00.001-07:00

speechless
i am without speech

-Lnk-

No Carousel of Progress

2009-03-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

went to magic kingdom today.
with my aunt, uncle and sis.
it was great.
we are posted up in a hotel
and hitting up epcot tomorrow.

but seriously,
like seriously God.
tonight,
when i'm so weak.
no thanks,
skip me
dude.
can't take that and i just want to forget it.
but we've spent time here.
i know you saw me
but i'm not calling or communicating.
that would make it harder than this already is.
damn
fml.

dude where's my wingman?
haha vampires seriously
vampiric to the bone.

arghh praying that that doesn't happen again.
mission mars yeah.

.prayforwisdom.

-Lnk-

happy happy

2009-03-06T22:47:00.001-08:00

been a hard couple days lately.
but i have the best damn friends ever.
watchmen was great.
my sister moved out.
i smoked a cigar.

i've been smiling a lot,
especially when i see couples kissing.
it makes me happy,
happy for them.
and it gives me hope.

the windows have been open and i've been falling asleep to the sound of the highway.
it's great and it reminds me of being in ohio t
at my grandparents house.
i cleaned my room.

i am painting a picture in my mind
and hopefully you will find your way into it.

.ihitmeredithwithmycar.

-Lnk-

Got no game

2009-02-22T16:36:00.001-08:00

yeah so your beautiful
but don't worry.
i won't ever say more than hi.
why you ask?
oh i didn't say....
your beautiful remember.

i'm nervous around girls.
i used to say that it was polite.
seeing as when i had a girl,
i would have no problem not talking to ladies.
i was being courteous and faithful.
hahaha ironic some what?!?

but now i can't talk.
just walk past and instantly regret not saying something.
but when i do say something
it resembles public school lunch slop.
meaningless words mashed together
in hopes that you'll laugh.
but you don't cause honestly
no one ever ate the slop.

i'm witty dammit,
but you'll never know.
because i'm a bigger social recluse
than a street poet.

maybe tonight will be different.
doubt it.
but i can hope.

i just want someone to share my cd's with.
and it wouldn't hurt if she was a cutie as well.
driving with the windows open
both of us singing at the top of our lungs.
because Lord knows no one is singing at my house.

.truthproject.
ps: i danced with a girl at the club. it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. the dome lights on the other hand....ballin'!!! bump the chicas, give me some sick music and a killer light show and you got my attention all night.

-Lnk-

no one tells me

2009-02-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

how do i find out my Uncle Charlie died,
from finding a newspaper clipping
mailed to our house from my grandpa in Ohio.

i met him once, that i can remember.
my dad and i ate lunch with him.
he wore his white guayabera
and was a very clean man.
on the ride home my dad told me he was gay.
i didn't mind,
it was nice having lunch with an uncle i'd never met.

apparently he was going through some bad spells.
he died from what the newspaper said was
"a lengthy illness."
that's all i'll know.
i don't know whether he ever sought after Christ
or found Him to be his Savior.
and now i'm back to being a 11 year old boy.
helpless and heart-broken.
over an uncle i met just once,
but now i can never meet him again.

what do i do now?
i'm speechless and emotionless.
today has to get better.
i regret not having spoke to him,
is it my fault?

mercy Lord,
we need Your mercy and grace.

.pray.

-Lnk-

i've spent

2009-02-07T19:19:00.001-08:00

the entire day working on my phone.
finally upgraded it to 2.2 firmware and got it running smoothly.
ridiculous.

my pops came home from Haiti today
and we went out to eat.
it was good to see him again,
and he brought some Haitian Rum too.
i'll tell you how it taste.

spent last night with a good friend,
we watched Taken which is an intense movie,
and caught up.
he's talking to a girl
and he told me about her
and the convo's they've had.
it makes me happy to see him happy.

i'm watching an old martial arts (kung fu) movie.
its titled "Come Drink With Me".
made in '66 its one of the first martial arts movies
to have a woman in the leading role.
so far, so good.
she's kicking some major anus.
and its corny,
just enough for me to enjoi.

my feelings/emotions have been up and down lately.
yesterday was bad.
really low on myself,
today's been better.
i just wish i had someone to hang out with.
my boi's are all married, engaged, dating, at school
my sis is always out with her friends.
so that leaves me with corny kung fu movies.
but i think i like it.....

well tomorrow i'm going to church,
so i'll sit next to someone and hopefully get to talk to them.

i hope she's doing okay.
i do miss her.
and i hope she knows that.

.kinghu.

-Lnk-

dreams

2009-02-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

i dreamed of her last night.
i took her to work to hang out with the kids.
it was nice,
she was beautiful
and she smiled.

i just realized now that it was her in my dream.
change is hard,
but like a good friend told me,
"you need to find joy in your suffering.
i hate when people let hard times pass without learning something."
she's right.
complaining isn't going to do anything,
i need to trust and lean on God,
and leave it all to Him.
my job situation,
my family
my friends.
everything.

sigh....but it still hurts

.taken.

-Lnk-

just one of those nights

2009-01-30T23:21:00.001-08:00

just chilled
got invited to a birthday dinner.
wasn't great friends with the bday boi.
but it was fun.
it was nice.
but it still hurts.
like in my gut.

i can't stand seeing anything that reminds me,
that's why i kicked the pic.
arghh man,
i'd be a fool to say that this is easy.
it's killing me.
but i'm reading the word
and it brings me peace.

oh yeah, enter shikari is purty rocking.
and no i will not meet you at the roundup at 1:30 am in my pjs.
srry

.johnorrthearsonist.

-Lnk-

now i lay me down to sleep

2009-01-25T22:45:00.001-08:00

i go to bed after the laziest day of my life.
it was awesome.
just laying around and being with friends.
i gave my worries to God.
i'm sad but not broken.
when people ask me questions
i answer them truly,
and in thinking back
i feel i didn't over react.
think i handled it well.

i haven't been single in like 5 years.
it's weird,
and it hurts.
after having someone to call
or text.
but this is what i've been dealt.
it is for a reason
so i trust that God is at work

been reading and talking to God.
in the absence of having someone,
i now see time that i can talk to Him.

tomorrow will be challenging,
as will going home and taking down pictures and paintings will be.
the slow scrubbing of memories
and places.
this all is a long
hurting process.

but with friends and God,
i did it before,
and i can do it again.

.thejoythatwassetbeforeHim.

-Lnk-

cooking steaks

2009-01-25T16:03:00.001-08:00

so yeah things have been particulary weird.
she wanted a break,
she wanted to do it alone.
so we broke.
last night was easy,
today was kick ass
tonight is hurting.
she said she's sorry she hurt me,
but she needs to do this.
i don't understand.

what the hell?

now i got to go eat
and be with friends.

-Lnk-

kind of feeling pushed aside

2009-01-22T11:46:00.001-08:00

sitting in an empty classroom,
waiting for class to start.
now someone walks in 16 minutes before we start.
i want someone to hug me.
and if they did, i wouldn't stop them.
i'd probably cry.
and i hope that they'd understand,
cause i'm sure that they've wanted to do the same at least once.
i know i'm love now i just want someone to show me.

.itendtoaskfortoomuch.

-Lnk-

in a jacket two sizes to big

2009-01-21T21:35:00.000-08:00

i will preface this blog with this statement,
i love my job.
since i am pursuing a career in education,
i figured working at a daycare would help me understand how to interact with kids.
but they are so cool.

i can be having the worst day ever,
i go to work and am greeted with smiles and energetic little kids.
they don't judge me,
they just want to play outside and want help with their homework.

today i smiled more than usual.
one boy was being teased by a group of girls,
he totally deserved it,
but he resorted to calling one of the girls chubby.
i immediately told this boy to never call a girl chubby, or fat
hoping to spare him future pain and agony.
another boy followed my correction with the most innocence one can muster and said
"You can't call people fat to be mean. Some people are skinny, some are fat. It's not bad. Everyone is different."
i smiled and saw that he was serious.
he believed what he said.

and then there is one little 5k boy.
he is the shortest kid on the playground.
all the girls love him because he small and easy to pick up.
but since today was a little colder, the kids had sweaters.
i was already outside on the swings waiting for the kids to come out.
then i heard, "Josh!!!"
it was a mobile army jacket with tiny legs and small hands sticking out.
it was him.
wearing an army jacket.
or maybe the jacket was wearing him.
his small face was enclosed in the hood
and the jacket was two sizes to big.
throughout the day i was attacked by this camo puffball.
then he broke my heart.
i told him that i liked his jacket.
he said, "Yeah, it's from the army. You know my dad was in the army!"
i smiled but held back tears.
his dad died last year in iraq,
fighting for our country.
he took it real hard last year
but has made major improvements this year.
his mom works hard and raises her son by herself.
he loves his dad
and is proud that he was in the army.

i love my job.
if people would listen to their children or hang out at a daycare,
they'd realize what really matters.

.windowsopen.

-Lnk-

issues in elementary education

2009-01-20T15:15:00.001-08:00

im sticking to it. i'm staying in this class for it's entire duration.

watched the inaguration today.
if he keeps his word he could be a great president,
but i still was unclear on some of his words.
like when he said "if you kill innocents,we will defeat you."
something like that, referring to terroists.
my question would be, how?
again when he said he wants to give everyone the opportunity to succeed.
once again, how?
giving them free governmental help?
free ride alongs?
how are we going to defeat terroists and their organizations?
peace talks for endless months?

overall, it was a good speech.
and even better was rick warrens prayer.

although i don't always agree with everything that he is about,
his prayer was good and poignant.
when he said, "let's pray."
i bowed my head.
but i realized that i was doing something i don't normally do.
pray in school, in public.
i was a little nervous at first,
thinking about everyone looking at me
and wondering why i was praying,
but i realized something else,
it's not about them,
it's about God and i.

i felt comfortable praying to a God who is with me in school.
cause it sucks alone.
and sadly i spend most of my days, here at school, alone.

well here goes a presentation on corporal punishment.
argh

-Lnk-

shot in the knuckle

2009-01-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

played airsoft tonight with the bois.
it was fun,
one of us broke a glass table.
and that purty much was our signal to leave.
we were chatting in the house when someone mentioned that there was something outside.
there was something stuck on someone's truck.
so we walked outside looking at the truck.

we were attacked by my bois girlfriends.
they had a can of silly string
and a super soaker filled with inca cola.
we were all purty surprised.

now my friend jimmy was a little mad at his lady.
just them not seeing eye to eye.
but she was one of the girls who surprise attacked us.
it was cute watching them "fight"

i don't know what that means but i was happy for them having their girls down here.
it made me smile,
but it hurt to.

anyways.......
i'm running on 4 hours of sleep.
don't know how or why my body has elected to not pass out,
but i've been up and moving since 6:50 this morning,
and got to bed at around 3 last night.

so i'm going to now play some NCAA,
to which i have become slightly addicted too.

enjoy the friends and loved ones you have around you,
take advantage of shooting each other with plastic bullets.
it might sting,
but you are having fun with people that care about you and for you.

.carlosdunlap.

-Lnk-

new app

2009-01-15T15:20:00.001-08:00

so i'm posting this blog from my phone
using a new app i got.
purty snazzy
i'm in class and it is so boring.
rode my bike to class,
had class at the pines center,
so i took advantage of the cool weather,
and saved me some gas.

my family and i went to Disney this past weekend.
it was so relaxing just eating and being with my family.
the last night my dad and i did some fence hopping.
we found our way into an old water park that had been closed down for awhile.
it was so cool.
so rundown, trees and plants grew over everything.
it was crazy to see it all old and crappy looking.
we took the freedom of no one being there to climb around.
we found ourselves on top of the highest point, overlooking everything.

good times with my pops.

he also called me smart.
that made me smile.

well, back to pretending i care about this class.

-Lnk-

don't go

2009-01-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry that i can't get this out of my head,
but when i hold you i have the nagging feeling that you will leave.
that this hand i'm holding will disappear,
that these lips that i kiss are soon going away.

i don't want to get attached cause you won't be here.
i know how your hand feels in mine,
but time will slowly etch that memory away into
"what once was".
then that will be a dream hoped for.

we've been together for somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 years.
but we still have a lot to learn,
and a lot of growing to do.

if i could kill a bear to make you not leave,
i would.
if i had to scale mount olympus to make us work,
i would.
not saying that we are broken,
i just see areas that we need to grow in.
and i'm not one to be particularly patient.

i love you,
i know i do.
i can feel it when i see you.
your overwhelming-ness.
your laugh, your words,
your freckles.

but that will all be gone.
and i will be here trudging through this sh**
that they call college.
2 more years of this?
i was asked how much longer you'll be away,
and i realized 2 more years.

read baby.
read.
encourage me to read too.
lets talk about it openly.
lets share that part of our lives together,
at least while your down here.

i miss you.

i woke up with the greatest feeling of loneliness this morning.
maybe because i never properly said goodbye last night,
maybe cause i didn't walk you out to your car.

one of your friends said they <33333333 you so much.
they have no idea how much i love you,
and how much God loves His daughter.

i'm jealous of them,
i'm jealous of LI.

.motherrussia.

-Lnk-

cue Handel's Messiah

2008-12-21T21:45:00.000-08:00

oh my goodness.
although i know some people enjoy these books,
this article expresses my opinion better than i think i could.
enjoi.......

http://outtheotherear.wordpress.com/2008/12/01/twilight-has-raped-the-minds-of-teenage-girls-everywhere/#comments

.sorryifyoulikethebooks.

-Lnk-

my room is a mess, but it was a great night

2008-12-18T23:32:00.001-08:00

spitting theology never sounded so good
over Pink Floyd's "The Dark Side of the Moon"

we smoked pipes and talked about whatever we were learning.
ranging from speaking in tongues
to the book of Acts.

and then we found ourselves in waffle house.
david hadn't ever been to a waffle house before.
we continued talking before we got any service,
you don't go to waffle house for the quick service,
you go cause its greasy and good food.

he's liking a girl,
and he's to self conscious about himself.
dude, she's cool.
your cool,
just take it slow and hang out with her.
+she can quote scripture
dude don't worry.
she said she liked your style.

hahaha.
it was a great night and once it's almost 3am.
but tomorrow's going to be long.
and hopefully my girl and i can hang out.

.themusical.

-Lnk-

boy with a lighter or girl with a match

2008-12-16T23:50:00.000-08:00

today was nice.
slept in.
can't get out of bed when it feels so good to stay.

work was nice,
kids cried,
more kids cried.

my boi came over and we played ncaa,
pwned schools.

i was waiting for some people to come over,
but as night trotted on,
i received no call.
but at 12:45 he called.
they came over.

after the fire had died out,
we sat around and talked about
coldplay,
dave matthews,
acts,
david,
fire,
bladder control.

i was impressed by a match and a determined girl.
she kept a weak fire alive as long as we were out there.
we spoke,
they talked about FSU,
and threw paper on a fire.
green flames are so purty.

it was nice,
they were a little to loud when they came in the house.
but both girls tripped over the outside step,
i'm a horrible host.

nice unexpected night.
hope it happens again.

.toothfairytats.

-Lnk-

insomnia

2008-12-11T23:48:00.000-08:00

i'm eating an apple.
its scrumptious.
i went on a bike ride,
to watch the moon.
its bright and perfectly circular.

i'm drawing back.
i'm ready for someone to do something wrong,
so i'm not giving it my all.
its easy to get away with it
when distance is aiding you.

my fingers smell of tobacco,
and it reminds me of grandpa.

my mind is reading the Bible while my heart is searching,
running my eyes through the scriptures to find where He says I love you.
He said it on the cross,
He said it through His blood.

and how do i show Him that I love Him?
can i just say it and that be good enough.

but love is sacrificial, love is an action/ love aint fleeting love is everlasting
-Sho Baraka

its amazing.
this love.
and its not "love everyone."
good feeling, generic.
its specific,
cause this love is for you.
for me.
its more than what i'm doing right now,
its more than what people think it is,
at least i think it is.

so i stay up late
and sleep in later than i did yesterday.
and i eat more apples,
and drink more water.
listen to more music,
watch more movies.
enjoy my sheets more,
miss my innocence
and childlike trust/faith more.
wish i had no walls,
no problems,
no past to help create barriers,
no worries to fashion hurdles.

i want to be alex, caroline, megan,
josh, isaiah, emily.
i want to be the kids i work with.
they are loud,
they are honest,
they are looking to learn,
curious and so innocent.
they call out what is wrong,
they apologize with their heart and not their words.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
-Matthew 19:14

the kingdom belongs to them,
and is most easily seen in their smiles.

.afterthemusicstops20/20.

-Lnk-

movie fiend

2008-12-10T23:27:00.000-08:00

i've watched 5 movies throughout today's time.
in order:

Donnie Darko
South Park :Long and Uncut
Memento
Evil Dead
Borat

jessie came over and we practiced for this upcoming sunday.
we are singing some songs for the childrens ministry.
they are christmas songs.
i love christmas songs but man they are difficult.
i like singing with jessie.
its easy and effortless.

she brought over our vbs music video.
i'm in only like 45 seconds of it,
but it came out a lot better than i expected.

feel in love with the song from Donnie Darko.
its called "Mad World".
the one in the movie is by Gary Jules,
its a Tears for Fears song,
but Gary re-did it for the movie.
beautiful in a dark,
sorrowful kind of way.

great song.

i'm going to bed with my windows closed,
which really makes me mad.
i've enjoyed the cool air in my room at night,
and loved being stirred out of sleep by the sun in the morning.
but south floridas weather is,
as a friend so aptly put it,
"going through menopause".
hot, cold, hot, cold.

i go to bed knowing that i will watch more movies tomorrow,
my best friend is in town,
the office is on again tomorrow night,
and we got a new firepit.

"can life get any better than this?
i submit that it cannot."-Brian Regan

.herestomydreams.

-Lnk-