nope, not once

oh come on.
no i don't understand.
friggin' got to be kidding me.
~~~~~~

i woke up and took a shower at 5:30 this morning

.a dead baby means an F.

-Lnk-

time was

time was fun and we enjoyed what we had.
we didn't know what we had was so great and took it for granted.
looking back at photos now i realize that we've all gone different places,
some are married, some moved and some are still around.

i miss the late nights just talking and writing music.
whenever one of us was bored we could count on the other entertaining us.
whether we needed help moving, or needed someone to listen
we were always there.

i was very quiet and never really spoke but always observed.
and you may never know how much you meant to me.
you all shaped me and made me who i am.
more than any class, more than any amount of knowledge,
more than anything,
you all made me who i am today.

and there was one.
after everyone my age started life,
i stayed back and tried to find mine.
everything was on cruise and seemed just fine.
then the wave hit and washed away all my "friends"
and there was one.
one kid who apart from everyone stood up for me
when i had no voice.
he caught a lot of flack for it
but was standing up for me.
he was there the night after and just listened.
we just sat on the beach and spoke.
good friends are hard to come by
but best friends are found in the storm.

now i'm so far away from where i thought i'd be.
i've done so much and lived through so many hours.
i'm very thankful for all that God has allowed me to be a part of.
i'm very lucky to have seen so many kids lives changed,
to meet people in places where i never thought i'd go.
make friends in states that i thought where extremely boring.

i'm in love with the greatest girl ever.
my friends and i have way too much fun on a cell phone. (IB's)
and i have a God who despite my failings and faults,
loves me more than i could ever know.
~~~~~~~~~~~

i saw my past run through my mind
and despite it all,
i smiled.

.hallelujah.

-Lnk-

we could go

"we could go to the new church down the street.
it pampers all its members.
they have a coffee shop, a gift shop and a dry cleaners that accepts all competitors coupons."

"if i wanted to go that route,
i could just walk through the mall and think about Jesus."
-King of the Hill

-Lnk-

again..

i saw it again.
that horrible look i get when i find one.
just one turns it all back on and i can't look.
i have to go back, go forward
go anywhere but where i'm at.

goodness, why can't i take that?
why can't i put up with it
i'm done
i'm back to what i was doing before

.great-up the track now back down.
.rollercoaster.

-Lnk-

every age every stage every day

just run.
so far away.

someone might tap on my window

someone might

we are all bending now

.backwards.

-Lnk-

don't look

look away
just don't look at all.
it'll save you a lot of trouble. trust me
just walk outside and wait for everyone else to leave

breathe, its hard i know just breathe deep and it'll be over soon
i promise

.atl8-fla0.

-Lnk-

speaking in poems

i find that i do this alot.
speaking in flowery words to kind of hide the actual meaning of them.
i enjoy making the english language sound prettier than it actually is
but if i do it too much the words lose their intended meaning.

i saw what i looked like today and really just focused on it.
am i where i want to be?
am i content with where i'm at?
its hard taking a good look at yourself and evaluating your life.
its actually quite scary

i can't think of certain things cause i'm too affected by the thoughts.
i can easily justify whatever i'm thinking about and say "It 's okay"
but i know its not.

its bad when you can so easily justify your actions.
i need to be honest with myself.
which leads me back to looking at where i'm at.

continuous circle

.cycle endless cycle.

-Lnk=