winning

i play halo 3.
a lot.
like too much.
its fun, its competitive, its loud.
shooting, grenades, hiding places.
its good.

but i was holding my dog and sitting on our diving board and
wondering why i don't like to not be first when i play.
its just a game.
for fun right, just a good time.
but then why do i need to be first?

why do i have that need to be the best at everything?
many people are much better at most everything.
why can't i just realize that i can be mediocre.

its just odd, that whole need to be the best.
not just cause that's my life's goal.
like i want to be the world's best javelin thrower,
so i practice all my life and make it to the Olympics.
they deserve it.

but like my want to be the best to tell everyone else that i am,
so i can be the best.

this flesh and its wants and desires,
weird.
i just want it to die.

.agent michael scarn- threat level midnight.

-Lnk-

how lucky i am

so you take down what My son died on,
why?
so you don't offend people.
I am truth.

what happened to the person who gave all they had,
but all they had was not a thousand dollars.
it was a penny.
their hearts were and are pure.
where is their banquet?
where is their invitation?

why do you give crooked harsh answers
to straight honest questions?

why do you continually run back to the pig's trough?
I have a feast, I have Living Water.
yet you run back to the things that leave you hungry.
that leave you hurt.

I should let you die.
let you lie in your own grave that you have dug.
let you breathe in the dirt and let it clog up your lungs.
you deserve what you deserve.

how lucky i am that i am not God.

.see you later pan.

-Lnk-

i just said it, can you believe me?

backwards and inverted.
i want i want
i need i need.

call me greedy,
call me a jerk.
i am getting quieter.
i am finding my corner and staying there.

i don't want to.

.are you serious, he was here? when i was talking to the fake tina fey?.

-Lnk-

the beginning

i hate gnats.
i had every intention to enjoy this nice afternoon.
i got on my bike, pumped some jams and started pedaling.
damn gnats were everywhere.
i kept running into them, they were getting in my eyes, ears, on my shirt.
yuck

so i had to turn around and cancel the whole schabang!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
but your kisses brought me back.
i love you.
and you shouldn't hate yourself.
you are great.
smile.

.king of the stupid universe.

-Lnk-

camp, quick recap

it was awesome.
made some great friendships,
got covered in more condiments than ever before.
played signs and witnessed the consumption of some atrocious food.
learned that everything happens for a reason
and that to enjoy life, you need to enjoy today.

i danced for an entire crowd,
that will most likely never happen again.
i was the leader of the Flaming Hot Cheetos
and lead the team to victory everyday.
i sang louder and lost my voice quicker.

people listened when i spoke,
and had actual things to say back.

i'm so lucky, nay, blessed to have gone.
i'm just sad that it ended so soon.

.dddddddoooooooossssssssshhhhhhhhh.

-Lnk-

the stars and flight

i walked out back and just sat down.
i embarrassed myself.
so i looked at the stars.
i closed my eyes and thought how cool it would be to fly.
just to swoop over the lake,
float over 75.
just fly right out of here and out of my life for a second.

and again i wake up to an empty house.
i don't mind it, i actually kind of enjoy it.
but at sometime i'd like someone here.
to just be with.
to help me mow the lawn.
someone to cook lunch for.

the dog is here, but she doesn't do much beside sleep.
just me, here and the 360.

.that'll do pig, that'll do.

-Lnk-

i'm a victim

of my own demise.
~~~~~
i tried to talk tonight.
i think i did purty well.
it was fun.
thanks so much for driving back for me.

but i am still the architect for my prison.

-Lnk-