Got no game

yeah so your beautiful
but don't worry.
i won't ever say more than hi.
why you ask?
oh i didn't say....
your beautiful remember.

i'm nervous around girls.
i used to say that it was polite.
seeing as when i had a girl,
i would have no problem not talking to ladies.
i was being courteous and faithful.
hahaha ironic some what?!?

but now i can't talk.
just walk past and instantly regret not saying something.
but when i do say something
it resembles public school lunch slop.
meaningless words mashed together
in hopes that you'll laugh.
but you don't cause honestly
no one ever ate the slop.

i'm witty dammit,
but you'll never know.
because i'm a bigger social recluse
than a street poet.

maybe tonight will be different.
doubt it.
but i can hope.

i just want someone to share my cd's with.
and it wouldn't hurt if she was a cutie as well.
driving with the windows open
both of us singing at the top of our lungs.
because Lord knows no one is singing at my house.

.truthproject.
ps: i danced with a girl at the club. it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. the dome lights on the other hand....ballin'!!! bump the chicas, give me some sick music and a killer light show and you got my attention all night.

-Lnk-

no one tells me

how do i find out my Uncle Charlie died,
from finding a newspaper clipping
mailed to our house from my grandpa in Ohio.

i met him once, that i can remember.
my dad and i ate lunch with him.
he wore his white guayabera
and was a very clean man.
on the ride home my dad told me he was gay.
i didn't mind,
it was nice having lunch with an uncle i'd never met.

apparently he was going through some bad spells.
he died from what the newspaper said was
"a lengthy illness."
that's all i'll know.
i don't know whether he ever sought after Christ
or found Him to be his Savior.
and now i'm back to being a 11 year old boy.
helpless and heart-broken.
over an uncle i met just once,
but now i can never meet him again.

what do i do now?
i'm speechless and emotionless.
today has to get better.
i regret not having spoke to him,
is it my fault?

mercy Lord,
we need Your mercy and grace.

.pray.

-Lnk-

i've spent

the entire day working on my phone.
finally upgraded it to 2.2 firmware and got it running smoothly.
ridiculous.

my pops came home from Haiti today
and we went out to eat.
it was good to see him again,
and he brought some Haitian Rum too.
i'll tell you how it taste.

spent last night with a good friend,
we watched Taken which is an intense movie,
and caught up.
he's talking to a girl
and he told me about her
and the convo's they've had.
it makes me happy to see him happy.

i'm watching an old martial arts (kung fu) movie.
its titled "Come Drink With Me".
made in '66 its one of the first martial arts movies
to have a woman in the leading role.
so far, so good.
she's kicking some major anus.
and its corny,
just enough for me to enjoi.

my feelings/emotions have been up and down lately.
yesterday was bad.
really low on myself,
today's been better.
i just wish i had someone to hang out with.
my boi's are all married, engaged, dating, at school
my sis is always out with her friends.
so that leaves me with corny kung fu movies.
but i think i like it.....

well tomorrow i'm going to church,
so i'll sit next to someone and hopefully get to talk to them.

i hope she's doing okay.
i do miss her.
and i hope she knows that.

.kinghu.

-Lnk-

dreams

i dreamed of her last night.
i took her to work to hang out with the kids.
it was nice,
she was beautiful
and she smiled.

i just realized now that it was her in my dream.
change is hard,
but like a good friend told me,
"you need to find joy in your suffering.
i hate when people let hard times pass without learning something."
she's right.
complaining isn't going to do anything,
i need to trust and lean on God,
and leave it all to Him.
my job situation,
my family
my friends.
everything.

sigh....but it still hurts

.taken.

-Lnk-

just one of those nights

just chilled
got invited to a birthday dinner.
wasn't great friends with the bday boi.
but it was fun.
it was nice.
but it still hurts.
like in my gut.

i can't stand seeing anything that reminds me,
that's why i kicked the pic.
arghh man,
i'd be a fool to say that this is easy.
it's killing me.
but i'm reading the word
and it brings me peace.

oh yeah, enter shikari is purty rocking.
and no i will not meet you at the roundup at 1:30 am in my pjs.
srry

.johnorrthearsonist.

-Lnk-

now i lay me down to sleep

i go to bed after the laziest day of my life.
it was awesome.
just laying around and being with friends.
i gave my worries to God.
i'm sad but not broken.
when people ask me questions
i answer them truly,
and in thinking back
i feel i didn't over react.
think i handled it well.

i haven't been single in like 5 years.
it's weird,
and it hurts.
after having someone to call
or text.
but this is what i've been dealt.
it is for a reason
so i trust that God is at work

been reading and talking to God.
in the absence of having someone,
i now see time that i can talk to Him.

tomorrow will be challenging,
as will going home and taking down pictures and paintings will be.
the slow scrubbing of memories
and places.
this all is a long
hurting process.

but with friends and God,
i did it before,
and i can do it again.

.thejoythatwassetbeforeHim.


-Lnk-

cooking steaks

so yeah things have been particulary weird.
she wanted a break,
she wanted to do it alone.
so we broke.
last night was easy,
today was kick ass
tonight is hurting.
she said she's sorry she hurt me,
but she needs to do this.
i don't understand.

what the hell?

now i got to go eat
and be with friends.



-Lnk-