night or you can call it, immaculate

went to my first killer show in awhile.

August Burns Red and Between the Buried and Me.

August Burns Red destroyed the joint. love them and they only continue to get better and better.

Between the Buried and Me were sick also. they are exactly like the cd. spot on.

it was fun. reminded me of old times. miss them.

i lied tonight though. i'm not alright

i've gotten madder, quicker than before.

got a meeting in the morning so i'm calling it a night early.

love you honey, and wish you were here.

that's my lie.

i'm my lie.

-Lnk-

this weekend

i once again saw friends come through in the clutch,

i've seen faith in action and hearts slowly shift.

i was blunt and said what needed to be said,

it was for the best.

she was here and it was the greatest Thanksgiving weekend.

we ate at her rents house then she came down to my Grandpa's house.

shared a part of my life that i had never given anyone.

we saw an innocent life breathe and move and laugh.

she was perfect and together we fell in love.

no words for that night, it was just right.

great weekend.

she is gone but she is trying.

i stayed and so am i.

she'll be back in 3 weeks, but thats to long.

love you honey, be safe

-Lnk-

hahaha and blahblahblah

so you'd think it all make sense, when the winsome returns

but all i see is what i can't be, and it burns so much it hurts.

i'm cold and want to be held, so i put on nostalgia

i want and grab at broken cisterns, but i'm never satisfied.

ruin my day with wasted pixels, hoping to see eyes

now they are here but all i can see are the tears that i have caused.

even if i haven't yet i will and i know that it will hurt

brush it off, but i can't

i'll pick at this scab till it turns red

and the blood slowly drips to the floor.

the wound will open and then i can pick out the part that kills.

hopefully tomorrow won't suck on my occasion,

i need to practice what i preach.

-Lnk-

house of sand

we are building this house of sand

slowing adding brick by brick

and with our tears we are hardening the floors

and setting in very very quick.

if we don't move to the ocean soon

this house will be the death of us,

the less we talk about it

the more it will consume us.

i'm sorry i checked up on you

and because of that, i made a new room

but you have to understand how hard this is

for me not to have you.

you called last night and it was short,

your voice was still beautiful as ever;

but your sentences were sharp and quick

and cut right to my heart.

i can't sleep in and i can't bring myself to eat

this house has infested my lungs,

we need to wreck it down

and start over as soon as its done.

these past two days have been hell

and i'm pretty sure they sucked for you too,

but they can't define the rest of our lives

cause we are better than 48 hours.

come back and rest in my arms

and then all will be well,

read this and take comfort in knowing

that i am yours through heaven and hell.

that is if you still want me,

if you still want this worrying heart;

i'd understand if you declined and moved on

but i want a real house, not one of sand, where we can make history together.

if we lie down together, we are sure to keep warm;

you better wrap yourself in blankets dear if you plan on sleeping alone.

-Lnk-

when everthing falls

when everything falls, i can't help but think it's sort of my fault.

like my sins have gone past effecting me and now influence those i love.

we all makes mistakes.

we all do things, that in the act itself, we know it is wrong.

but we do it anyway.

i am weak.

we all are weak and that is why we fall.

cause we think we can hold it together ourselves.

i think i can control my eyes, by myself.

and i can't.

and i never will be able to.

when everything falls, nothing feels worse.

waiting for a call that never comes.

worrying but feeling bad for doing so,

because by the sheer fact of worrying, implies that i'm not trusting.

what is there to do.

in this moment i need people.

i'm alone in a house, and alone in spirit.

i need tonight.

i need music and my friends.

i need tuesday, to see the one i love and hug her.

and forgive her and hope she forgives me.

forgives me for not being there.

for not encouraging her when she needs it.

for not being what she needs cause i do not know what i am.

i'm beyond looking.

i'm beyond writing blogs and not doing anything about this.

if i were my words, i'd be much better off.

but i am simply a heart that hurts and a brain that thinks to much.

i am simply a man.

-Lnk-

still does

God still works in mysterious ways and tonight is a perfect example.

i just wish sometimes He'd be a little more forthcoming.

i'm starting to hurt again and it's controlling my day.

it starts small and slowly grows with each phone call, thought, word

it builds and builds upon itself until my chest feels psychically weighed down.

i have to make a conscious effort to breathe.

i feel like i'm drowning as this pain fills my lungs.

i've been going to bed a lot earlier than usual and have a hard time getting out of bed.

i'm so poopy.

.poopy.

-Lnk-

used to be/weekend

i used to be a man.

i cried, complained, argued, loved, hated like a man

but i breathed differently.

i observed differently, i'm slower now.

i take my time. i'm passionate about my time

and about who i spend it with.

i used to be so anxious, now i'm a little more patient.

i like silence tonight.

it keeps me warm and cosy.

i'm not angry or happy

i just am tonight

i'm warm and alone and tonight it works.

orange peach mango juice has never tasted so good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i enjoyed this weekend where i got to Disney.

i love Disney and no matter what mood i'm in it's always great

my sis and i just roamed around and had as much fun as 2 could.

good stuff, had fun just sitting in a bus watching the world fly by

that's how i feel exactly to a T.

it was great and i can't wait to go back.

good times.

that's all.

g'night

-Lnk_