the council of brethren

had a show last night and it was the first she wasn't at. besides that fact, it went well. had a lot of people that had never heard of us before there and saw some of my friends of whom i hadn't seen in a while.

actually saw one of my high school buddies there. that was cool. got to talk to him and just catch up on things. and on that same note, saw another one of my high school friends. they came into work and he didn't even recognize me. it was cool though. we talked about music and working and all that college kid stuff.

after the show we went to Denny's and just had a blasty blast. hadn't gone out to eat with the crew in a long time. we brought a card board cut out of rocky balboa with us. he wasn't too loud but he didn't finish any of his food. so wasteful.

We have the right - to live in peace
and you must fight - for what you keep
If what you keep - holds truth inside
Stand up, defend or lay down and die

good lyrics from an tried and true band

well got to get back to mowing my lawn......then HALO 3......yea

-Lnk-

interestingly enough

it has been brought to my attention that people actually do read this thing and for that i am truly grateful. but moving on

i just ate some quesh (pronounced kee-shh) and it was good. i'm not too big of a fan of quesh but it was free and i was hungry.

today was good. work was fun and i laughed more than i ever have before. we (myself and my fellow employees) were in rare form. everything was a joke and it was just a lot of fun. i'm very blessed to have a job that doesn't suck.

i'm still sick though. we had band practice tonight and i didn't sound too good singing. we have a show friday so hopefully i'll be better by then. i'm excited for this show. we are playing up at a college where some of my friends attend. i haven't seen said friends in a long time, so it'll be fun seeing them and playing for them. but this will be the first show my love won't be at. thats crappy. like totally crappy. i can remember the first show she came to. i invited her and was so ecstatic when she said she'd come. she drove down with my rents and sis and i was so incredibly happy. we were playing at a church event and for some reason they had neon paint, so i proceeded to dip my hands in it just cause i like paint. wasn't thinking too much cause the paint came off and got on my keys but it sure looked friggin' cool. now that i think about it, neon paint is so cool. what the heck, i love it. the more i think about it the more i like it.

neon paint= good times

so.......oh yeah. someone stoled my dot thing. by dot thing i mean this......placing dots at the end of a sentence so it not so much ends, just the thought trails off......see.........it works right? this person, who will remain nameless, said she really enjoys ending her sentences with dots, like she was the first person to think of that.......seriously......you weren't.......i was. haha, i probably wasn't not the first person to do that, but i'm somewhere in the top 5.

oh i forgot to finish my story.....

so she came with my parents and the show went well. that is to say it was crazy. the kids were insane man. will stand out as one the best shows i've ever had the privilege to play. so after, i drove back with my rents my sis and her. i sat next to her in the back seat, but my sis was next to me. but it was still sweet. first time we ever sat that close. we texted all the way back home. (by the way texted is not a word, it doesn't sound right, but it is the past tense of text....at least i think it is) that night was awesome. she looked so beautiful. heck, she has always been gorgeous. i tell her this all the time, she is beautiful 24/7. but she doesn't listen.

dang this blog is dripping with ooie-gooie love stuff. sorry. but i do love her, more than anything. and that is saying a lot cause i love food.

well i have no work tomorrow so that means i'm sleeping in. actually think i'm going to go hit up the gym. she got me into working out. God i love her.

-Lnk-

so, again...

well i just got back from playing drums at FBCW and it was quite fun. i am currently jamming to some Stevie Ray Vaughan. very soothing, helps put everything in perspective.

honestly, i have been getting quite mad at the one i love. this distance is killer. it blows everything out of proportion and doesn't help anything. seriously, this is the worst pain i have yet to experience as a human. deep hurt. like in my skin, muscle everything. it permeates all that i am. now between the buried and me is in my ears. crazy people music, think that why it suites me so well. i could jam to this all day. i wish, i wish.

have been having long conversations on the phone with people i usually don't. it is a welcomed change. it crazy to see where i've come from last to this year. my friends, my relationships, my talents, just my life in general. a lot has changed and mostly for the good. yea, now that i think about it, all for good. i'm happy that i have good friends that care about me. its comforting to know.

well me thinks thats all i've got in my mind.

-Lnk-

We will not die.

so i am more mad than i can let anyone know. what i feared worse has come to pass and i knew it would. sometimes i think i'm too jealous for my own good. jealous of my time, my friends, my girl, my family. and i'm so afraid and my fear appeared.

i trust you just not the people around you. like my rents would say, "We trust you driving, just not the other people on the road." that's what i mean. i don't care who it is, i will wreck them. i have this fire in my bones. like God protecting His children, i will protect all that i love. i will destroy the nations who wander looking for something they can have. there is nothing here, walk on, before you get stomped on.

sorry, had to vent. whoooo. breathe in, breathe out. k, a little better. it has been raining nonstop and i have come down with a cold. at least i think its a cold. i get light headed, woozy, i'm tired, just drained i guess is the best way to put it. but in the mess of the beginnings of this week, God is good. school has been dealing its usual trash and anything to piss me off. if college were a person, i'd play basketball against him and give him a good elbow to the face. man, i do not like it all. but still God provided. In His mysterious ways, He did and in the grand scheme of things, college is berry small.

also, we are watching my aunt's dog for a year. she moved to europe with her husband and the dog needs a passport(???) yea that is just a little weird. what threat does this little teacup yorkie pose. it is a boy named Bailey and our dog is a girl named Nala. Bailey has been finding every possible way to get his "groove" on and Nala ain't letting anything go down. it is quite funny. he is ever persistent.

well i'm going to relax and try to get over this sickness.

-Lnk-

need to feel words

so much has gone on and i'm just pooped

so i'll recap the last 2 days, saw Black Snake Moan
besides all the nudity, it's really good, like good good
one person has restored my hope that all people aren't awful
he doesn't know who he is and most likely will never but, yea he is cool

been talking to my girl a lot and we have both done our share of crying,
actually we vid chat and its weird.....like awkward
but yea it definitely ain't getting easier, not in the least
but i'm tired and hating all the work that responsibility brings
trying to tell the one you love that it's okay that they are away
i don't like it in the least

playing with the FBCW band on tuesday nights and its fun
played drums tonight and i guess it went well
my back is sore

played my piano in the dark tonight to see i could play if i was blind
i guess i could've closed my eyes but that'd be too easy
but it sounded pretty, the dark made me sound better

got my guitar amp back from a friend who had it for 2 years
felt good to finally have my strat sounding the way it should
she sounds magnificent and i did come up with quite a weird song
something to the effect of Fall of Troy mixed with blues
i like it

new between the buried and me cd is totally awesome
they went above and beyond Alaska and are just good

well i'm heading to bed to sleep, go figure

-Lnk-

my problem with me

i lust over little
i lust over much
better on some days
on others just not

i want what i see
and i feel it will make me complete
when i fact i need nothing
more over what i can't see

i speak of love
to share and to have
when in reality i'm the worst
and rarely ever give

i'm so needy and tired
full of sin and rust
the wind blows the wrong way
and at the seams i bust

i fall back on myself
but my strength is so weak
i never pray on my knees
and Your wisdom i hardly seek

you brought along a love
so beautiful, so true
the very thought of her in my mind
leads me right back to You

you sent Your son to die
and you sent this angel to show me love
You forever live through me
until we are together above

her words like silk
soothe my hardened heart
i knew she was my future
from the very start

i can hold her so tight, till darkness fades
and tell her the depths of my mind
i trust with my life and fears
and she is the truest love the world could ever find

so thank you Father for creating that girl
who is know the most gorgeous woman that exists
I love her with all my heart
and i hope she knows she is dearly missed

this is dang long, purty long for even me
so sorry for taking your time
i love you baby and i can rest knowing this
i am yours and you are mine.

love you SNK from your JCL

sidenote: this is what you get when you get to running and you think of how everything reminds you of your love

-Lnk-

do you love me still

you can give me a dollar, you can spare me some change
or you can lock your doors and look the other way;
you can leave me under skies so blue
but all i want is you

in the quiet underneath the bridge
we can talk about memories and how life has been;
but under this concrete so dark and grey
i just want to know does anyone still love me anyway

i'll push two carts both at once
one for my baby and the food she needs;
please don't look at us in disgust
i get that enough from her father who beats me
just lift up my sleeves and you'll see

but i just want to know if love is still alive
and if it is could you share some with me;
please sir or mam don't pass me by
cause we are not to different you and me

i wouldn't mind if you turned around
just gave me a passing glance;
see i sit behind you in the 4th row
and i'd really like a friend

you think i could come over (if its okay with you)
and see how a family works so fine;
you see my parents passed awhile ago
and i don't have one to call mine
i live in a house with more kids than flies

but i just want to know if love is still alive
and if it is could you share some with me;
please sir or mam don't pass me by
cause we are not to different you and me, we just want to be

and you wear that Jesus fish on your car, didn't your God
love the down and out and abused
where is that love He showed
do you have any inside of you.

.....this song is for me as much as it is for anyone else.....

-Lnk-

the day

busch gardens went well. we rode the coasters and just had a great time.

after we got back, we took a nap then went to eat. we walked down to The Pier and ate a sweet restaurant. very fancy. its called The Columbian and had some of the best food that i've had in awhile. the restaurant was on the 4th floor of the pier and we sat next to a window overlooking the bay. as we ate, the sun went down and the ocean turned dark. berry purty.

we walked downstairs and did some wine tasting. good stuff. everyone here is just nice. there are a lot of kids running around. not like baby kids, but teenagers. if i had my guitar i could camp out here for months. just playing at the park, on the pier. the enviroment here just fosters that kind of lifestyle and you can tell just by the residents here. when we were going to busch gardens we had to cross a long bridge to get to the mainland. st petersburg is actually an island. so the drive to tampa was breath taking. the ocean was just a mirror of the sun. it was still and one boat was tearing through the ocean, disturbing the natural peace. but sure was pretty. wish she was here with me. she would be thinking of all the different angles she could take to get the best picture.

just got off the phone with her. man she sounds gorgegous over the phone. her voice is so sweet and soft. it warms my heart and i just want to hug her forever. i can't get over her and i never want to. she is my love, my baby, my future. i can't wait till this season of our lives has passed and we can spend our nights and mornings together. we have so much to look forward to. she is everything that i've ever wanted.

i'd really like to hang out here for awhile and just talk to the homeless people and the kids strung out in the park. i'd love to play my guitar and just chill with them. i'd like to hear their story and just talk and spend time with them.

well my sis is kicking me off her laptop. i'm dun

-Lnk-

tampa bay and jazz

my familia has traveled to tampa bay for the weekend. we are going to busch gardens tomorrow and going to tear up some roller coasters.

we ate at a nice deli and the server was very talkative. he spoke a lot and just seemed lonley. he was cool and had a sweet looking necklace on. i had a nice corned beef sandwich with swiss cheese on it. berry good.

we walked around downtown afterwards and found our way to a cool wine tasting place that had a jazz band setting up. my dad and i found a seat while my sis and mom scored some starbucks. the band was sick. the drummer was old, like white hair and beard. he was ridiculous. really good. the guitarist was groovy looking, and had a smooth ibanez semi hollow. it sounded so good. the bassist was plucking away at a stand up and they just sounded really good together.

got my rents watching The Office now. my sis and i are avid fans of the show so we've been talking about it a bit and now my rents are interested in it. it is such a good show. i've had favorite shows before but i can say that i am totally obsessed with it. i've watched all 3 seasons at least 3 times already. so dang funny.

my dad set us up in a sweet suite at a hampton inn on the bay. he set up the room with flowers for my mom and candy for my sis and i. it was cool to see my dad thinking of my mom like that. made me smile. but the room has a nice balcony that overlooks the bay and it is just very nice.

my girlfriends mom called me today. she just called to check up on me and see how i was doing. so nice. she is sweet. her and i spoke for awhile and it felt like i was talking to one of my friends. that phone call made me smile. i liked that.

i just put on my dads glasses and they don't really seem to have any prescription. i've always wanted to have to wear glasses. i just like 'em.

well think i'm going to go get some sleep for manana.

-Lnk-

it still oozes

yea my finger, is still bleeding. maybe if i stopped slamming it into things. maybe.

watched one of my best friends play some amazing softball only to lose the game. he made an amazing diving catch, but they still lost. whatever, just a game.

my class got canceled. after sitting in class for 30 minutes, we were told that class was canceled. i was so excited. some people around me were peeved, seeing as they drove 45 minutes to get to the class, but i got to go home and chill.

going to the beach tomorrow with my sis and my "diving for softball's" friend. should be nice. haven't been to the beach in awhile. the best times were when my girlfriend and i went. i remember the first time we went, some of her friends came along. we weren't really "official" yet, but it was still sweet. she found a spot by the inlet where the ocean smacks into the rocks. it is absolutely breathtaking. especially when the water is black as night and seems ever so ominous colliding over the rocks. its as if it were reaching out to drag you into its dark depths.

~creepy~

after the beach. my family is taking a trip to Busch Gardens. it will be fun getting away for a short time. its just what i need right now. and roller coasters only serve to make life more enjoyable.

talked to my girl alot today and i miss her more than ever. she is everything to me and i can't wait to see her. be up there in a month baby.

that's all i gots.

-Lnk-

i got no time

sliced my right middle finger purty bad. it looks rad, but it hurts. i hit it on a door handle.

well just got off the phone with my lady and it was a good conversation. she is so beautiful. even on the phone her beauty shines. she is amazing.

hung out with two of my long lost friends tonight. we visited the new Steak and Shake. the service was a lot better than most S&S's. <-----thats three S's <-----thats two

met up with my band fellas and had some good time just talking about life. its good catching up and opening up my life to people who care.

life is looking good from here. besides my finger being mutilated, i have no work tomorrow, just school. so i can crank the jams and dance with my dog. it should be interesting. listening to Pharoahe Monch. he's good. wish i could rap, but people would make fun of me cause i don't look like the rapping type.

tried to rap awhile back and it was funny. i laughed at myself. God has blessed me so much, His love for messed up ole me. beyond comprehension. well, i'm tired. going to sleep in my berry cold sheets. yes, SLEEP!!

-Lnk-

phone

ok, my cell phone is literally hanging on by a wire.

i just got off work and the days possibilities seem endless. got a text from someone today and responded back to them, and so on and so forth and it just really pissed me off. some people just twist words or all together just don't listen. whatever, let it flow with the wind.

i'm playing bass tonight at FBCW. i'm excited, i haven't played for a youth group in awhile. and i'll be playing with all new people so it should be exciting.

work was fun today. i had to open so that meant that i had to wake up @ 5:00 am. but i got out at 1. my AGM and i pumped house music all day. it made time zoom by and i actually liked it alot more than i thought i would.

i noticed that i'm very music prejudice. i'm very particular about what i listen to. don't get me wrong, i love all types of music, but i'm specific about the message it sends. i can respect someone who is saying something with their music. i dislike bands who just play to play. you have been given a stage and a mic, do something other than doing nothing. i have been perusing the rap section lately. i like rap artists who say something other than, Party this! drink that! that serves no purpose other than to further enforce the stereotype rap has. friggin' love rap artists who have something to say. Mos Def, Pharoahe Monch, Beastie Boys, Talib Kweli just to name a few. really respect that.

also Francis Chan has been popping up around me lately. 2 of my good friends watch his video cast and they mentioned it to me @ 2 different occasions. he's good. touches on alot of subjects most pastors wouldn't. also on the list things i appreciate: pastors who preach from the Word. they take a scripture and teach, rather than taking a theme and finding verses to back it up. that is not seen anywhere in the Bible. just straight teaching of the Word. not necessarily saying thats wrong, just that i don't like it.

well going to go find something to chow down on.

-Lnk-

kickin' it old school

well hung out with an old friend. we tried to surprise one of our friends who was at work. but we failed to find his place of business. so we just hung out and conversed. good to catch up and talk about what we've been going through. good stuff.

woke up this morning and went to FBCW and it was a really good service. heard some stuff that hit home and explained how i needed to respond to my situation. took my sis with me and it was cool. then my jewish boi came over and we watched the Dolphins try to play football. promise for the rest of the season, but the game wasn't too good. whatever, football.

actually felt like i was with her tonight. on my way home, i felt as if i could feel her in my truck. it was peaceful, not eerie as it sounds. this friggin keyboard is screwing up. it is pissing me off.......GRRRRRR........

got George Orwell's 1984 on audiobook on my ipod and it's purty cool. think i just found a new vice. audiobooks on my ipod......friggin cool.

well think i'm going to go fix myself a PB&CC sandwich (peanut butter and chocolate chip). it's actully quite awesome. try it sometime.

-lnk-

¡me no like!

hate:
1. To feel hostility or animosity toward.
2. To detest.
yep, now i hate this. i hate this distance, i hate this situation and everything i'm doing is merely distracting me from the fact that the love of my life is not anywhere near.

i can download all the music, play Rainbow Six: Las Vegas for hours on LIVE, i can play the guitar till my tears soak my strings, but i'm totally consumed with the thought of you being away.

paint you a picture: this is how i feel, my feet are cemented into the ground. i can't walk, i can't function or properly communicate. i hear you moving and making things happen. you will change and i will arrive the same, simple boy.

i don't know. i'm just pissed and just feeling so many other emotions. think i'm mad to just help me cope with my loss.

and this whole sha-bang brings to mind my utter detest for how society has made our lives to be. we are expected to go through school, graduate, go to college, get a part time job, graduate college and get married and get a job. where did this unspoken rule come into play. pushing us into this expected mold, what if i don't fit? what if i am not? where do i belong......i'm trudging through college, like slopping through a swamp. its almost painful. i don't feel i belong and i detest that this is the CORRECT way. i know I'M made for more, WE are made for more!

yea, i could go on that tangent forever. but i eventually need to sleep.

here's to a goodnight's rest

-link-

video and battery

got my ipod battery in today. that made me smile.
just got back from filming a movie with my boi's and my sis.
should be really funny. i'm extremely tired and will no doubt pass out right when my head its my pillow.
my aunt invited my sis and i to go out on her wave runner. i'm really excited as i have not done too much of anything lately. i have mostly just been on the computer, on my 360 or reading. actually today i went swimming so i did kind of have fun.
its getting easier talking to her on the phone. it still burns. right in the middle of my stomach. i could point to it but that would do you no good. you know where it is. it's that sick to your stomach feeling, when your not sick. its not being able to be there for the one you love. i miss her, i miss her a whole lot.
this morning, my sis and i had to take our trucks to get fixed. woke up at 7 am which is purty early for me. but i took her out to breakfast and we had a good time. i'm getting to spend more time with her now. its cool, she'll be the only sister i have. she's cool. we will be cool older brother and sister. it will be fun.
well this train is pulling in for the station. i'm going to close my eyes and drift softly into sleep.
g'night
-link-

useless-too tired

well i officially feel useless and good for not much. i want to walk you to class, i want to help you study. i want to be there for you, and i'm here. i'm here listening to kayne and wishing we could've shared the lost night together. i will forever be yours but i don't like this.

the only time i come crying and seeking
is when i'm already on my face
when it's good and i'm proud
i don't need you and never see Your face in my crowd
i'm dirty, i'm a sinner full of me
they say "that's the way it should be."
i'm lost......the cell is weak
and so is my heart

thats all for tonight
-link-

roses

well missed my first night.....
so my idea as posted on the last blog.
i saw a guy selling roses on the street and thought it'd be cooler to just give them away. i picked up a dozen from the local fresh market and handed them out to 12 of my neighbor's. i attached a little wrote which read:

hand out a rose,
hand out a smile;
tell someone they are loved,
cause they are worth your while.

i plan on doing this once a week until my entire neighborhood has gotten one. don't know why i'm doing this other then i'm tired of doing things to get something back, i just want to do something for nothing. so i left the roses on their doorstep. lets just see what happens. lets see how far a little kindness goes.

last night had some friends over and watched the movie fracture with Ryan Gosling and Anthony Hopkins. really good and intriguing. before the film started i went to a bible study held by my guitarist's dad. good stuff man, we jumped into Psalm 119. it was exactly what we needed. david, the author of Psalm 119, wrote about how the word of God is what he lives on. he lived on the word so much that he HATED the false way, he HATED sin. now as much as i try, my flesh is strong and convincing. but David HATED, thats such a strong word. i want to HATE sin, want to avoid it and live in presence of God everyday. i want His word to be sweet as honey to my lips. David had his shortcomings, he had his slip-ups, but still God called him a man after His own heart.

well i gots to go mow my lawn and do some house chores. goodness, goodness goodness

-link-

thelonious and i

thelonious monk: insane jazz pianist
got one of his cd's. very purty stuff. very out of the box. awkward chord structures.
so driving down the road, and sipping my starbux and jamming to mewithoutYou. saw a guy selling some flowers on the corner and got a crazy idea. more on that tomorrow. hung out with my boi's tonight and that was exactly what i needed. today was the worst day so far. i miss her and everything i saw reminded me of her. it really stunk. like alot. i never realized how big a part of my life she is. when she is gone, a part of me does not exist. worked this morning and it wasn't too bad. have to go back in 6 1/2 hours. jamba opens at 6, so i gots to be there @ 5:30. not too bad if you like getting out of work at 1. i feel real guilty. when she called me today it pained me to even pick up the phone. it pains me to hear her voice cause i get so sad in realizing she is gone. i'm jealous of her movement while i'm down here standing still. she is progressive and i'm stagnant, at least thats how it feels. tomorrow night should prove to be fruitful. hanging out with my drummer and guitarist and i'm looking forward to cracking open La Biblia. and now work thursday or friday. yea yea yea yea....listening to Monk's Mood, piano saxophone duet: monk and coltrane. ever so smooth.......

how can i be
when we can't be together
i'm not too terribly interesting
i'm not getting on a bus to go anywhere
if this distance has taught me anything
its that i'm not too interesting
your days seep out color and life
mine are just containers of time


hand out a flower
hand out a smile
tell someone they are loved
tell them cause they are worth your while

well i think that's all i gots. hahaha -i'm so lame-

2nd day

starting with number 2.
i miss her more than i thought i would.
i knew it would be hard, but this is terribly difficult.
i have more time for friends, which is good, and got to visit a friend that has recently returned home from surgery. he is doing well but still finds small tasks to be quite difficult. the office still makes me laugh and will always. no matter what mood i am in, the office cheers me up. i have watched all 3 seasons more than twice and plan to watch them more. it is very awkward, this distance thing. i guess the thing i'm struggling with the most is jealousy. i'm jealous i'm not there with her. i want to be there for her whenever she cries, whenever she needs a hand to hold. but i'm down here. i'm jealous of the rocks, trees, birds, sidewalks, buildings, everything and anything that sees her more than i do. that just sounds so ridiculous. but i just have this jealous love. i don't want to be the over bearing, jerk boyfriend who monopolizes her time. on a totally un-related side note:( i am making banana nut, chocolate muffins for my breakfast tomorrow. got to make breakfast for myself the night before cause i have to be up at the butt crack of dawn. not even, i'm up before the sun exists.) i love her mucho. i am pursuing a new cell phone purchase on e bay. my current phone is so out of whack. i wish you could see it. please don't think of me as needing the newest thing, i am quite content with my life. but this phone is beyond dead. i hate how society has made cell phones a nescessity. they are cool and nifty, but they place such a leesh on me. i'm a slave to it. weird. but i can use it to text her and call her so i like it for that reason.
i lost my love to the city,
i lost my love to distance and the sea;
i lost my love to a city,
when will my love come back to me.
had a good talk with a boi of mine about religious rituals. interesting stuff. i like to find out about what the background of those rituals are. i'm a very curious person and i like it like that. love my baby and love me some banana nut, chocolate chip muffins.

-link_j-