we are so weak

wherever you turn you can see failure.
we fall so short of glory.
we come so far from what we are supposed to be.

i'm sitting in the hospital hallway.
2nd time i've been here and it isn't much different that the first.
other than a room change and some severe weight loss.
its nice and clean
and everyone smiles.

but beneath it all is this sobering-ness
if i can use that word.
that realization that people all around are sick.
some don't have anyone visiting.

then you have children walking around the hallways.
and they bring this bright ray of light in.
its an interesting dichotomy.

and the people that visit bring joy, laughter, and hope.
and you can can see the difference.

i just hope we can shine Christ throughout this place.

.iloveyouSteph.

-Lnk-

wine

so i found a bottle on wine in the fridge and felt like being risky.
so i took a sip
and it was delicious.

i drank some.
and loved it.
especially with hummus.

i love sleep and work has been sapping me of myself lately.
i don't know what to make of 9-5 jobs.
i can't see how someone would have one and still have a personality.
it's sad.

imagine how cool we'd all be if we didn't have to give so much to our jobs.

.lethargic.

-Lnk-

amazing

up in VA at Lynchburg General hanging out with my boi Gonzo.
he was diagnosed with cancer and it spread to his lungs and brain.
his whole family is here including a copious amount of friends and visitors.

its simply amazing to see God's people come together to help.
it's also crazy how this situation worked out.
if things were any different most of us wouldn't be able to be up here to be with him.
God is so great.

the people at the hospital have been great
and the hospital itself is purty snazzy.
very nice facilities and everything here is chill.
my sis, steph and i are staying at Gonzo's apartment
which is mad nice.
the price to lease their apartment down in FL
would be ridiculous.

i'm so happy to be able to be here and be here
for my best friend who has been there for me in the past.
i'm very very tired so the rest should be read with that in mind.

since being here alot of people have contacted Gonzo.
some people have been lamerz in his past
in our past.
that word "our" encompasses a large group of people.
and now they come back.
now i'm all for people offering prayers
and i'm not going to take away the joy of giving from anyone.
but seriously?

you were gone for +5 years
and now.
i don't know how i feel about that.
i don't know how i feel about how you water it down
and cheapen it
and play vulgar songs behind your videos.

where'd you come from
and where are you going?

you hurt a lot of people.
you should apologize before you start praying.
i'm just saying

.tootiredtoshowemotion.

-Lnk-

so yeah, long time

i'm in class AGAIN.
someone mentioned blogging and i realized i've been slacking
but no one reads this so no worries.

things are going great at Weston
and i'm excited about the future and what God has in store for us.
i'll be blogging on the future "Context" page
so i have to get in the routine of doing this again.

i'm tired lately.
and my sleeping patterns have been completely out of whack
i can't concentrate for the life of me.
i just want to sleep.

lead worship at Weston this past weekend.
i thought it was mediocre.
but apparently a lot of people liked it.
i talked to Tommy about this
but the speed i want to take the transition in Weston
is definitely not the speed at which is going.

but at least we aren't playing Usher songs on stage
*cough* *cough*

but i'm going to force myself to look up at the teacher
so they feel that i'm paying attention.

.ihavetopee.

-Lnk-
u

just disappointed

i'm so weirded out right now.
facebook is cool but makes me so mad.
correction,
the people on facebook make me mad.
say one thing and have pictures of another.

stop you idiots.

.nonewfriends.


-Lnk-

camp over

it was amazing.
prayer was answered so quickly.
God was so evident
and His children lifted His name at the top of their lungs.
getting back to the real world so quickly is disheartning.

i'm tired.
and miss it.
perspective is so much clearer there.

i need God.

.longdriveheavyeyes.

-Lnk-

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

under the canopy

i'm sitting underneath the most beautiful display i've seen in awhile.
in a dark field
away from light
i can see each star twinkle.
each light spark off and on.

a shooting star flies over my left.

i see a street light behind me
and see how we once again blot out
God's glory.
we ignorantly retard it
thinking that this well help.
that our efforts will bring us closer.

our efforts are useless.
we cannot draw close to a God whose "street light" is the sun.

we cannot fathom His wisdom
we cannot understand His ways.
we have only to humbly ask for Him to draw us close.

He brings us
He calls us
He began the rescue
And He will finish the war.

we can only ask to be His children
and for Him to show us a measure of grace
and allows us to be His.

awaken our souls.
still our minds.
may the nature that proclaims Your glory
always bring us to a halt.

.You'rebeautiful.

-Lnk-

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

camp 2010

at camp 2010
easiest setup ever.
really nice camp as well.
the facilities are pristine
and my rooming situation is beautiful.

been using twitter like a beast
but i've gotten to know some peeps
much better.
and i'm thankful for it.

just finished our first worship set and i know this is going to be heavy.
there is so unknown weight to worship.
i don't know how to correctly categorize it
but i can identify when it's here.

and it's here now.
it's our burden
to have the ability to lead
people in worship
while we are still sinners.
such rotten rotten people.

God have mercy on us.


.Christinus.

-Lnk-

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

and this is where it gets grey

friends leave,
bands separate,
music stops,
waves lap up to shore.

i don't know what to do.

i'm an easy target now
and just need to go away
for a long time.

i just want to be at work.
it's simple there.

i'm hurting
below the throat
in between the ribs and lungs.

the office still helps.

hopefully sleep will render this all a dream.

who would we be if we believed in "Ask and ye shall receive."

how would it change if we all believed the same "Christ came to save sinners of whom I am chief."

.poorattemptatrhyming.

-Lnk-

not everytime

thank you Lord for a good day.
it had some horrible trudging times
but all in all
i can rest my head feeling good.

i don't know what to do sometimes.
it feels that no matter how much of an effort i make
things just don't click.
i line up the pieces
and people don't move into place.

i can only imagine how frustrated and angry you get at us.
we are always messing things up
and doing it however we see fit.

help me see things/people through your eyes.
give me wisdom
and peace.

and let everyone know that i love them.
cause i do.

.especiallyyou.

-Lnk-

a new one

got a new car
and i love it.
it was all God
cause i wasn't looking for this car at all.

can't wait to break it in.

.nonameyet.

-Lnk-

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

sometimes i wonder

why me?
why now?

why not somewhere else?

i do get envious every so often.
but i'm here for a reason.
i may not know it now
but who am i to know everything.

"Were you the first person ever born? Were you born before the hills were made?"
Job 15:7

.strong.

-Lnk-

what to do

i don't know what to do now.
someone is mad and i don't know how to facilitate a solution.
i want to be here again.

maybe let it rest?

.egosandpride.

-Lnk-

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

lake house

well we are here and i've already had
more fun then i planned for.
riding wave runners into the sunset, tearing up the wake on Bucefillus, coming across the lake with my four bois.
its all too much to take in.

i'm really looking forward to sleeping on the couch.
and then waking up at 7:30 to hit up the lake.

i'm so blessed

.andlifecouldntbesweeter.

-Lnk-

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

things don't always make sense

so this weekend has been great.
and has ended quite differently.
panicked phone calls are never fun to answer.

but i'm glad that things do get figured out
and that no matter how old you are
friends are still a necessity.

.don'tforgetwhoyouarelovedby.


-Lnk-

just might be okay

listen to food and liquor
which now i feel is better than the cool.
my girl is sick
but feeling better now.
i know she can muscle it.

played around with autotune on garageband.
and its too much fun.

its amazing how we are so unaware of our dependence on God
until it all falls.
power fails, signals disappear.
i just don't want to depend on me anymore
its so easy to do that here.

here being the US.

cause i'm not faced with the possibility of dying everyday.
or maybe i am
and just not aware of it.
i may not be gunned down for worshiping God
but i will die from giving my soul to lesser
less than from where it was meant to be.

but now my eyes grow heavy
so i'm calling it.

goodnight universe


.shinsaresore.

-Lnk-

surreal

i'm writing this blog with great sadness.
sherman has died
in the form of me
and a good friend
getting smashed into coming home leaving Weston.

my truck is totaled
my arm and head are sore
and my neck is going to hurt a lot in the morning.

but i'm alive
and God spared everyone involved.
i just wish i had sherman back.

.caraccidentsarewaytofast.

-Lnk-

them's are fighting words

man i want to eat something so so badly.
but i can't.
actually i can
i'm just choosing not to.
trying to get things into shape
and not let my body dictate what i do.

i'm going to sleep soon and i know it will feel great.
love you
and know that you aren't alone.

.sleepytime.

-Lnk-

random/poop

marshmallows being burnt to a crisp.
taste like french fries.
i had a pet turtle once, he committed suicide by stabbing himself with barbie's leg.
i'm not thinking about anything though.
if that guy had looked at me once more, i would have held him down and farted in his mouth.
*sigh*
McDonald's gets a bad wrap. the food ain't the best for you and it might survive a nuclear holocaust, but i can't get enough of their fries.
(shakes head)
the sparrow said to his girlfriend the squirrel "Why does our house smells like fleas? You seeing a dog?"
the cat went in the house and made pancakes.
Dorothy never went over the rainbow, guess she died disappointed.
a leprechaun ate the chocolate coins.
i wish i would've been alive when asbestos was a threat. then i could have something to brag about or a some weird superpower that i gathered from the poisoning."
my ass is beautiful.
i agree.
the man ate magical broccoli and turned his house into a tree.
Obama, Obama, Obama.
don't ever upset a Columbian preacher, he'll rip your butt cheeks apart.
i hate brussel sprouts.
flossing prevents heart disease and you shouldn't eat pieces of plastic.
aralC made that up.


.....................................................


.doneanddone.

-Lnk-

i hate

slow websites.
bad drivers.
overwhelming school work.
complaining kids.
smelly rooms.
stuffy teachers.
the "check engine" light.
soggy bread.
tighty whities.
not having deodorant.
recycled pop music.
people who think they are one thing but really aren't.
TAPS.
that Boy Meets World isn't on tv anymore.
that i can't spend everyday with everyone.
if you disagree with Obama's policies you're racist.
if you agree with Obama's policies you're racist.
Paul and Jan Crouch.
the Olympics interrupting The Office.
the delete button.
.........................
.............................
..................................
....................................
.......................................


.somuchmorebutsolittetime.

-Lnk-

late night, long weekend

a lot was done this weekend.
it was good.
but now it's Sunday night/Monday morning
and the week is rearing its ugly head back up.

i'm usually good at not worrying
and that helps me get through the majority of stuff.
i just can't wait to go to work tomorrow
and see all the kids again.

although i don't wake up early ever
i want to.
just so i can be up for more of my day.
but my bed does not let go that easily.

i wrote a song.
and i like it.
and i should be recording it soon.

got the xbox hacking going on again.
feels good to be in the old routine of things,
especially when the routine consists of sticking it to the man
to the tune of +$2,000.

lots of Easter candy.
try to destroy as much as i can.
here's to cavities
and eating badly before the week ACTUALLY starts.

.goodnightworld.

-Lnk-

i know what i want

and its you.

.furniture.

-Lnk-

i'll probably wear this same thing tomorrow

so i'm getting sick.
my throat is itchy
and my arms are aching.

but i got to drive around with a hot girl
and listen to some sick muzak.

i have class tomorrow morning
i'll be in stupid school
while my sister will be out on a wave runner.
boo

but its not all that bad.
tomorrow we fight.

.UFC111.

-Lnk-

every punch i throw has bad intentions behind it

http://www.liketelevision.com/liketelevision/tuner.php?channel=737&format=tv&theme=guide

old cartoon that i found today.
and shared it with a special someone :)

.throathurts.

-Lnk-

art

is supposed to be free.
not cooped up in a museum.

.MIAMI.

-Lnk-

i have no idea

i'm so confused.
it fell through and now you use absolutes.
i'm afraid to try anything else in fear of it falling through
and this happening again.

i got you some food
just to try to ease it
but that didn't work.
i want to walk off alone
and let you find someone who understands you find you.
cause obviously i am way off track.

i feel like a child
with his hands in the air
asking what i did wrong.

i'm tired of this happening
things flipping so quickly
this is so trivial.

you don't want what i make you when you get mad.
you call my attempts to make you somewhat smile "insulting"
i've done all i know how to do.
what else is there?

i can't plan on the unexpected
i listen and do what i'm told
and still that is wrong too?

someone please tell me
whats going on
cause i can't wrap my mind around
whats going wrong.
but apparently
i'm not good enough for anyone.

.mornings.

-Lnk-

i can fight old people

i can fight

28

i'll talk in here

sometimes no matter how hard i try, nothing clicks.
its all just struggles up a hill that never seems to peak.

the road of life is paved with dollar signs and dirty suits.
cheap whores line its sides,
hoping for a handout and a free ride home.

green is the color of everything including our hearts
and if our paychecks were human
we'd marry them and give them our bed.

we've given it all away anyhow.
there is no hope for the skies to return to their slight blueish hue.
it all smells of diesel and decay
and no one seems to mind.

we adorn "those we love"
with things we buy so they can say how great we are.
everything has a selfish motive
and we do it all for something in return.

botox for your face
breast implants for your chest
tummy tuck for your abs
6 figure salary for your ego.

just tear your plastic, custom fitted face off
feed it to the birds.
lob your silicon "pseudo breasts" off your rib cage and onto the sidewalk,
and let your face sag till it receives rug burn from dragging.

lie in your oil and paper
sleep in your deceit and slander.
in your back alley deals that overlook millions of hungry and dying.
sleep with your secretary and say you are moral.

hahaha, don't even get me started.
morality IS NOT relative.

be a liar,
be a cheat,
be greedy,
step on anyone,
everyone.

cause its all about getting to the top
and how you look when you get there.

.beyondbitterandpissed.
.hatebeinginthered.

-Lnk-

leave it to me

leave it to me i'll mess it all up
everything my hands touch just falls apart
i'm falling apart

leave it to me i'll make the right wrong
don't know how i do it but man i do it well.

i shut my eyes and take long deep breathes
i don't want to say anything i'll regret

.blank.

-Lnk-

God provides

and who am i to doubt Him?

.iamsosmall.

-Lnk-

and it shifts

so today was great. funny how my previous blog makes the world seem grim.
came across a video today
and i still can't believe how hard some people try,
its weird?

i'm not sure how it makes me feel
but i do feel queezy.

oh well, i'm going to bed really early tonight so i'm excited about that.
and i'm getting everything lined up for manana.

and i'm running again.
in some mad fancy shoes
thank you baby :)

.fivepointohhs.

-Lnk-

the harder

the harder i try
the worse it comes.
at least that's the way it seems.

i'm cleaning up
being accountable
trying to be organized
and life just gets heavier and heavier.
when can it be "normal" for just awhile.
some nights/days are better than others.
and some are just harsh.

i'm not complaining.
i couldn't be happier with where i'm at right now.
i'm so blessed to have my jobs
be going to school
awesome friends
great family
a smokin hot girlfriend.

what else could i ask for?

peace......maybe?
patience?

both of those are hefty requests


.ineedtopraymore.

-Lnk-

neuron overload

dock night
it was awesome
too many embers
and not enough Chapelle

but now i'm tired
and have to sleep
in a bed i haven't been frequenting lately
which makes me sad.

it's cold tonight.
hitting 40's
so so so so nice
windows open and i will sleep soundly.

.goodnight.

-Lnk-

grammy's

i don't understand how artists can receive awards (or be nominated for them)
when they aren't even singing.
autotune doesn't mean you are singing.
my dad put it well "i could win an award with autotune."

now the double edge here is that i like autotune.
i like the way it robotizes your voice
and gives it "that sound".
but when every song on your album has you use using it
for the majority of the song
sorry
you aren't an artist.

you are paying producers for beats
and having a computer program pitch bend your voice.
and most of you all don't even write your own lyrics.


booooooooooo

everyone should save up their pennies for "Farewell, Forest"
cause it's going to rock your world

.snakesandraccoons.

-Lnk-

if feel bad

i realize that this blog is slacking
and that i enjoy reading my writing.
so i'm writing again
to have more entries.
cause big numbers make me feel secure.

i found a love hidden in a corner of my heart.
didn't know it was there before
but now its in every space.
no more room for fear or doubt,
just blood filled with love being pumped all throughout.
just stop worrying
and save your tears.
hold my hand and know that this will all be over.
"do you trust me?"

okay, i'm really going to bed now.

.goodnightmeeko.

-Lnk-

its already tomorrow/am i a prick?

so just got home from dropping off Rios.
i'm tired.
i have a headache.
and tonight was great.
love talking to him and its always intellectual.

got some gas on the way home and ran into some people.
they were all driving ford rangers
save some dude in a blacked out car
that they were all standing around poking and prodding at with sticks.

mind you this is at 2 am.

so i go to pay for my gas
and one dude is practically screaming through the door about which mountain dew he wants.
he's directing the attendee to which one he wants.
this is one of those gas stations where after 12 you can't come in,
you have to order from the side.

which is stupid,
but i digress.

so after he finally leads the attendee to the correct beverage
he comments
"God d***! What an a$$ hole. Stupid a$$."
he looks at me,
i smile.

i wait for this dude and his friend to pay for their drinks and smokes
and i pony up the cash for my gas.
i walk to my truck and hear some unrecognizable country music being blared from the ranger next to me.

i pump away looking forward to heading home and sleeping.

he points at my truck,
"I can get the white plates for those."

huh?
for your meters. look i have mine done.
oh cool (me trying to be convincing at 2:30 am)
i also do headliners.
oh nice.
i install this part for 150 or this part for 50.
oh cool man. (both parts look the same to me...did i already say i know nothing about truck interiors?!?)
so yeah man i can do it for ya.
thanks let me get your number. (my attempt at ending this interaction asap but still wanting to look sincere)
yeah call me anytime. i work extensively on rangers.
[friend #2 steps in] you need powdering?
yeah he does powdering real well.
uhhh no? (once again, no idea what he's asking me)thanks though, i'll hit you up.
[looks at my truck]
damn that's crispy as f*ck. where'd you get it?
(i have no idea what crispy means as i only use that word when describing KFC's delicious chicken)
hialeah.
k man be easy.
you too.

i drive away and thank God that was over.

i'm such a hater.
get to bed kids.
stop driving around, fixing your cars
blaring your AWFUL music, yelling at gas station attendants
and GO HOME!!

i assume you live somewhere so why don't you do what everyone else is doing and sleep.
it might help get rid of that odor your body seems to be caked in.

i'm just saying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i don't like people yelling at other people
and i don't like people pointing at my truck.

taking the Lord's name in vain ain't cool either.

you ain't touching my truck.

.i'mcrankycausei'mtired.

-Lnk-


this post is for you my dear. thanks for letting me know i'm a slacker