C.L. Wegmann

found this online: purty good

"don't bother reaching me, i'm already gone. you gave the impression you were disinterested and thats what i'm going on

i hate these clicks and points, let it go cause it counts for nothing. self loathing attitudes with pov's from up and from down.

its all cool and you are all so lame. what really matters? your faces or your souls? grit my teeth into a powder and blow them to the wind.

hopefully they'll spell out laughter and make someone smile. cause you aren't helping.

i can point out the wrong but can't find the right. give up your space, give up your face. give up your profile and little details.

one pop and all you've worked on is gone. then you'll put it in perspective."


this fellow's mind runs very similar to mine. it's cold and i like it. the weather is cold, not this quote. haha had to clear that up.

.goodnight stars.

-Lnk-

ice tea

i've been drinking a lot of it lately. i figured out how to make it and now i drink it more than water. it is so dang good.

mid terms this week. i hate mid terms. school isn't so bad just the testing sucks. played at weston tonight and saw an old friend of mine. this kid has grown up so much and it was cool to talk to him again. i played on a baby grand tonight and it was magical. its amazing what a tuned piano sounds like.

i am currently downloading dragonball z episodes. back in the day, i was into dragonball really heavy. its still cool, but more nostalgic than anything. the story line is so friggin complex and long. haha its kind of ridiculous. i just get into all this anime fighting stuff. no one understands it, my family or my love. they make fun of it, but its only cause they don't understand.

i have to do a teach tomorrow in my Teaching Elementary Science class. me and two other young ladies are teaching on the Oceanic Food Chain. so that'll be interesting.

love Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lost my head." great stuff

well its off to sleep for me, got to be up early to go teach.

.tired and sorrowful.

-Lnk-

too much pressure

i press to hard on the wound and the blood won't stop flooding this room.
its up to my knees and has stained my sheets and i can't get the smell off my hands.
i held to close and now its running out of me, it wants to stay but i pushed it to leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love it being cold cause i love putting on jackets to stay warm.
they make me feel like i'm being constantly hugged,
they keep me warm and keep me held
and i loved being hugged

.blood&warmth.

-Lnk-

pain in my chest

been thinking a lot about a lot of stuff. and i've come to some conclusions. now i just need to get to implementing them.

i'm just scared, irrationally scared, but scared none the less. i need you here, that makes everything make sense. even though i have my friends and family around me, i still need you. you hold such a large part of my heart and that part is just on stand still till we meet again.

i hope this pain goes away quickly, cause i'm hurting bad.

.hurt.

-Lnk-

smoking a cigar and playing my guitar

if creation can sing, then it surely cries.
when we let it go, when we let it die.
this is our metaphor, we don't need guns we don't war.
we just need our corrupted minds and idle hands.
we'll satiate our appetites, no one is wrong we are all right.
everything is relative, is that true?
so whats right for me can be wrong for you?
we'll take and take till she's cries, drink the water till the well runs dry.

answers would be sufficient but i know no podium or platform wants to approach things that matter, only things that push their agenda.

-Lnk-

freedom and independence

so we went into the city today and saw something so beautiful that it literally brought me to tears. kosova recently (and by recently i mean today) received its independence from serbia. the kosovan's were crowding the streets and flying their flags out of their cars and just going nuts. it was so cool. we stopped one guy and asked him what all the ruckus was for and he explained.

he said he now feels like a real person, like everyone else. he was so happy it was contagious, it got her and i teary-eyed. they can now speak their own language, go to their own schools with no fear of persecution. it was really magical, like ridiculous.

so in the midst of me putting this down, goose came charging in to my girl's dorm and woke everyone up. she had to tell everyone her story of the weekend. after she was done i proceeded to ask her if she knew where kosova was and just put her in her place. it was funny. we hugged, its okay now.

my girl is so stressed. i hate it. there isn't anything i can do. she has to do what she's doing, its hard. i can't help her besides just come up here once in a million days and talk on the phone.

i fly out at 9:30 in the am and actually go to detroit first before heading to fort lauderdale. its cheaper but tomorrow will be purty long. i'll have more than enough time to myself but i don't want to leave. i can't leave her here. it hurts now and it will hurt even more when she takes me to the airport. i'm dying bro.

i think i might just do it tomorrow. just do it brosef. no more waiting.

well i'm heading to sleep cause i gots me a long day manana.

.don't be pessimistic, just be flat.

-Lnk-

we exist in the grey

new band. advent. from the old yet still relevant band, beloved. the old drummer from beloved heads up the musical onslaught.

but onto more important matters. i've never been so happy and more torn in my life. we exist in the grey. everything would be so much easier if it was all black and white. but unfortunately son, it ain't.

my eye is twitching and it won't stop.

i've made deals with my soul to never hold anything back, to never hold anything in. but i have done both and hurt it so bad. i just wish i actually kept my word and not hurt myself.

i'm too good at lying.

no more talk, now is the time to strap on my shoes and do something. i'll preach this till i die but i'm purty sure i'll never get up the courage. i'm not a very courageous person. i'm content with what i got now and don't want to let it go.

i'm listening to music while i'm typing this and have realized that i type in rhythm. i don't like spelling that word. thank goodness my baby can spell and is infinitely smarter than i.

.movie tonight.

-Lnk-

100 kids

so my 1ooth post. wow, i've come purty far. actually slept well last night. took her to applebee's last night and had an interesting server. i'll leave it at that.

it was fun driving around in her car and just arguing for fun. i miss that. we came back to her dorm room and feel asleep watching Fresh Prince. it was one of the serious episodes. that show is so good. all the shows around that time period were friggin' awesome.

she's at practice again and i'm just hanging out in her room watching Ali. its funny, i watched Hitch yesterday and Ali today. I'm on a Will Smith binge. started to listen to The Chariot's Fiancee album again. it is so sick.
.dun.

-Lnk-

today

i've spent the majority of the day by myself, either wandering around campus or in her room. she's had class and pitching practice and softball practice. not going to lie, its been lonely. watched hitch today. good movie, never seen in before but i thoroughly enjoied it. cleaned up her room a little bit. took out her trash and just picked up. thats when you know i've lost it, when i end up cleaning someone else's trash. haha

we are going out to eat, don't know where but whenever she gets ready, we are out. tomorrow she just has practice from like 2-5 or something. so hopefully we can do something after that. and if the weather permits, we are going to head into the city and visit the museum of modern art. that'll be exciting. hopefully it doesn't rain, we'll just have to wait and see won't we.

last night was hilarious. her friends kept walking in and out of her room complaining about 2 other girls fighting. they were waiting on these 2 girls to make up their minds cause the rest of the girls were ready to go out. but they never did. they got dressed up, borrowed shoes and etc. for no reason. it was quite humorous. i live with two women and seeing more than that number together with only themselves to live with, it was like a movie.

but she's back so i got to get ready.

.manana.

-Lnk-

well here it goes

i'm officially in the NY. got in at about 7:45 last night. she just left for class and i'm going to go to the library. hopefully i can keep myself busy enough while she is gone. shouldn't be too hard, i'm usually good at keeping myself busy in the most mundane situations. it isn't too cold here, i like being able to see my breath, just something cool about it.

well i'm off to peruse this campus and see what fun i can have.

.heres to a nice relaxing weekend.

-Lnk-

excuse me, were you saying something? no you can't tell me nothing

so i'm nervous like the first day of elementary school. i printed out my boarding pass and almost had a heart attack. i can't believe that i'm actually going tomorrow. its surreal. just talking about it kicks the butterflies back into action.

thats an odd mental picture, butterflies in your stomach. ugh, they come flying out of your mouth drenched in your stomach acids. ugly. haha

skipped my first class cause it was raining. thats a good excuse right? i just didn't feel like getting up t.....interrupt......this was my crazy tuesday night/wednesday morning.

i started out at 9pm to write a simple 1-2 page paper, double spaced. easy right? took till 2am. i was so mentally flustered last night. it took me forever, FOREVER!! then after completing that seemingly impossible task, i was hungry. so i cracked some eggs, sliced up some bratwurst and salchichon (cuban sausage) minced some spinach and cooked it up. this has been my usual meal, anytime of the day i can be found munching on this home-cooked masterpiece.

my right knee cap will not stop twitching. it only pauses when i look at it. it stops, then when i'm busy doing whatever, it starts up again. stupid.

i'm actually looking forward to the airport tomorrow. it'll be my first time being in an airport alone. flying alone, checking in bags alone. it should be fun. i like to be alone sometimes. it gives me time to observe us. stinkin' pump the jams from my sisters ipod and just watch. that'll be fun. i'm just nervous seeing her. when you haven't seen someone in like a month, it gets nerve wrecking to see them again.

whatever, hopefully i fall asleep earlier than last nights charade.

.heres to manana.

-Lnk-

its not them

its not them. they don't have the problem.

i used to think we all functioned the same and thats why i was concerned. but they aren't, thats just how i translate signs. i'm the one who is flawed and have seen it on this dark night.

its a solemn day. just quiet inside and out. but my head is running, spinning, whirring, clanks and kinks. it won't stop going. it is quite bothersome. but i guess if it stopped then i'd be dead? i'm not too sure, but it has never stopped going a million miles a minute. i guess tonight i'm not in tune with it.

and for that matter, i'm not me tonight. just everything irks me. i'm using words such as irk, so you know it's been a off day. oh well, guess i'll sleep it off.

-Lnk-

so if this is the end, I hope it goes as plan

you can't hide your eyes anymore (the junior varsity), eventually you need to eat heavier foods.
you can only serve milk for so long, before your flock dies of hunger.
i could use certain lights, and i can make my eyes believe that they are flashing.
sleep walking, last night i awoke to opera house full of empty seats (edison glass)
and this is the place i belong.

i was thinking, over thinking (relient k) about why sex is so prevalent in today's culture.
what makes us different than the past generations. this is stretching real far back there.
in the old times they did not have razor's to shave, clean water and plumbing to shower.
my guess is that they were dirty by our standards. age came to them and there was nothing they could do about it. they married and lived and died.

now here is where the bulk of brain synapses took place. we stretch our youth so far. we have parents who refuse to be young. botox this, lift that, suck the fat out of here. we press our "sexiness" forever. does that make sense? we are also severely selfish. we want everyone to see us as good looking forever. but thats not how it happens. gravity eventually drags our skin down and stress wrinkles our faces and hearts. we can take care of ourselves, exercise, eating right. i'm all for keeping our bodies healthy, but all these advances in everything has allowed us to be so caught up in ourselves.

we can't stop life, we can't stop time. we have sexuality everywhere so we can feel young.

i'm purty sure i have more to this . but i'll continue to brew on it.

-Lnk-

kanye

People never get the flowers while they can smell them.

-Lnk-

i can't

i can't go on there anymore. its too weird seeing all the conversations and dumb comments. i really hate it.

-Lnk-

fun fun fun

well today was the first day that i did my intern teaching. it was in a first grade classroom. the kids were all purty good. very very smart. but they were all kind of rowdy. i chalked it up to the fact someone new was in the class. but the students were nice to me. funny how i was nervous about 1st graders. but i followed them throughout their day and even had a cafeteria lunch with them. it consisted of broccoli, ham and cheese sandwich, cinnamon apples and chocolate milk. the teacher was very nice as well. by the end of the day i knew the kids names and was helping in class.

it was an experience and one i will have to get used to. this will be my friday routine for awhile.

but next friday i'll be in my baby's arms. i can't wait. she is so excited. SHE BETTER BE!!! this is costing me an arm and a leg. just kidding, but seriously, i'm glad she's glad. can't wait to be with her for 3 days straight. either we'll love it, or kill each other. the latter most likely will not happen.

spending the night at my name's house. his rents are gone for the weekend so we are playing halo till we cannot stay awake anymore. we figured out how to turn his laptop into a wireless router and run the signal it receives from the actual wireless signal to the xbox so we can play online. purty schnazy.

played racketball today. it was fun. took me awhile to get used to it. but it is slighty similar to tennis. i played tennis for 2 years in high school but i wasn't that good. had a horrible temper and actually had my tennis coach speak to my mom about my on-the-court antics. it got so bad that one time i smashed my racket into a concrete light pole and then realized that not only was this my dad's racket i was playing with, but it was my only racket. i had to continue to play the game with the broken racket.

so yeah that was high school.

but i don't have plans for tomorrow. sometimes days are better like that.

.here's hoping that they are.

-Lnk-

no more

ipod no more. it blanked out and showed the missing file sign.

so now i must listen to cd's. oh well. music is music.

went to listen to a discussion on Bio-Ethics, mainly Stem Cell Research. it was purty good. some of the stuff went over my head but i chalk that up to too much school. some words were just passing through my ears. but the discussion was at my old high school. so after it was over i walked around. i literally have a memory for every spot in that school.

i'm really glad that i had the opportunity to go there. for all the times i complained and moaned about the school, i really am very lucky to have had all those crazy memories and times. i still feel that i own a piece of that school. i went there for 15 years of my existence. thats a long time, thats extremely long now that i think about it again. good ole alma mater.

well tomorrow is my first day at my Field Experience school. now that i'm in my classes for my major, i'm required to attend a school and observe a class. this semester i only need 35 hours. compared to others who need upwards of 60 hours, i got it good. i'm excited and a little nervous. but it should be all good.

i love my baby. i love my friends. i love the God who gave me this freedom to love and this freedom to live in His love.

.no one makes me bleed my own blood.

-Lnk-

resorted

“Well, and yet it was in these depths of misery that I felt my energy revive and I said to myself, I shall get over it somehow" - Vincent Van Gogh

today wasn't too bad. it was terribly long though. i was at school for the majority of the day. it can really drain you sitting in a chair all day.

i played basketball at my friends house after and whooped up on some kids. i did purty well and can only chalk it up to sitting down all day and having not expended any energy. so i had a lot of energy to get rid of.

but i've just resorted back. i'm so tired. talked to my girl about Van Gogh. that quote is good. and i'm spent.

.done for the night.
.sleep easy world.

-Lnk-

j00 d00dz

just got back from the Monster Jam. it was purty nuts. those trucks were so ridiculously loud.

so i had a whole surprise planned out. i bought tickets to fly up to New York for Valentine's Day weekend. i was planning on surprising her, but last night on the phone she sounded so low and sad. so i told her, it made her so happy. but i can't keep something away from her when i know it'll make her so happy. and it did.

and i can't wait to see her. it's been way to long.

these next 2 weeks just seem an obstacle to getting to her.

i'm really tired so i'm calling it quits early.

.manana=Super Bowl Sunday.

-Lnk-