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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

today won

so its been hard. today got to me and her. we both kind of got on each other nerves. its so ridiculous. there is this pattern that we go through. this time its progressing slower than usual but it is still making its waves.

all will resolve sooner than what is planned. i'm so bad at keeping quiet. i speak to soon. but i can't help it honestly.

today felt like a day at camp. or actually, it smelled like it. i don't know how much more to describe it than that. it smelled like i was at camp.

MONSTER JAM this Saturday SUKKA. going with a bunch of compadres. i can't wait. definitely going to wear my camo Arkansas razor back hat. got to fit in

i've been chasing freaking anything. i hate it. i can see myself from a distance. i'm just in a funk.

if only i could do what i say i'm doing. i'd be much better off.

if i could see Your eyes in my actions.

.to many what if's.

-Lnk-

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

battery low

you know its been a long day when you actually lose a bar on your phone battery. i charge this phone every night before i go to sleep, so i lost one bar today. and it was a long day.

i'm really very tired and almost fell asleep watching the Bourne Identity. but, i survived and enjoyed the 1st movie of the series much more after seeing all three. they even mentioned Black Briar in the first movie.

lead worship tonight at FBCW. it was friggin awesome. i had this cool idea to take a bridge and chorus from one song and marry it to another and it worked. that youth group has brought a lot of things into the light for me. it is different than any other group that i have played with and is challenging me in so many ways.

had a great conversation this morning with my fellow co-worker. when you open a store at 6am, not to many folks come in. so naturally, we had plenty of time to talk about the elections, our views on certain political subjects and many other topics which are shunned upon in the workplace.

today was purty good but extremely long. i will shortly retire to my quarters but not before enjoying some Simpsons Season 8.

.got a surprise.

-Lnk-

Saturday, January 26, 2008

figured it out

i know why i'm so perturbed with this distance thing. i am extremely jealous with my love. i can't be when this distance is here. i want to talk but your busy. you want to talk, i'm busy. i feel bad for feeling like this, but thats me.

i played dominoes last night. we didn't actually know the rules of the game but we played anyway. i drank so much coke. *shame* *shame*

that's all i've done. i'm so boring.

.goodnight world.

.i won't be awake, when it lights up.

-Lnk-

Friday, January 25, 2008

good stuff

went to the movies tonight and wasted 8 bucks on a stupid movie. but had a fun time with my compadres. we went to publix and picked up steaks and food to grill. it was purty darn good.

school has started again and it has been going a lot smoother than the last semesters. it is just very taxing. i'm much more organized and have all my important "to do's" in a planner. it helps more than i thought it would. but i haven't had enough time to keep up with my "workout."

the last semester i found myself working out more frequently. i didn't know why at first but i do now.

we started writing new music. our sound is still our own but it is different. the process is definitely stretching my musical mind. it is so good to play with those guys.

i'm tired and starting to feel how last year was. the lonely feeling is sinking in and i just find myself not wanting to do anything. its not that bad, but i know that if i don't make a conscience decision to get up and move, i won't.

i wrote a song about a dead cardinal. how whack is that?

like usual, i've been trying to fill this hole in my heart with just stuff. it feels good for such a short time. i enjoy the chase. i'm pretty sure thats it.

my eyes are droopy so i'm going to bed now.

i still love the office.

.love that show.

-Lnk-

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

hottest spot in town

i've invented so many idols,

i've loved so many gods.

all this in the attempt to run from Your hands.

and today i felt my stomach drop.

i felt you were gone.

then it rang and you were frustrated.

i'm sorry that i can't be there,

i wish i could be.

just take it day by day.

life seemed so much better when you were here.

vibrant, full of life.

now its just me.

.how boring.

-Lnk-

Sunday, January 20, 2008

you and i

nothing has ever seemed so right as last night was.

everything i have been hoping for came true.

we are so much better than when we started.

i have never been so happy and comfortable with someone,

and i can't wait to have a thousand nights ahead of us.

i am fully engulfed with this love.

there is no doubt in my mind,

no qualm in my heart,

i know we are meant for each other.

and we are not mistakes.

we are us,

we are together.

you left but i am content,

i am satisfied and in love.

i can't describe this.

it is a burning, a wanting

a yearning to be with my one and only.

goodness, this is the best

.the absolute tops.

-Lnk-

Saturday, January 19, 2008

i might

i might just cry, just to let it all out

all that i've held in and never told anyone.

well i guess, i've told some people,

but i never let on that it hurts this bad.

anything can trigger it.

i can just clam up and keep my heart and mouth shut.

i don't know why i do this.

it could be a defense mechanism,

to protect myself from opening up again.

it's been so long and times have been so much better,

maybe i hold on just to have something to cry about.

but i never get there,

i never come to tears.

i put up, why can't anyone else...

NAMELY YOU!!!!

NAMELY ME!!!!!

.we all have our chance.

.the question is, did we take it?.

-Lnk-

Friday, January 18, 2008

wow.....yeah...... hey baby wake up, come and get me

is this what you want?

what do we stand to gain for taking this stance.

i want to have these nights as our own.

there is nothing that gives me more pleasure

than making you smile.

the loyal order of what?

be safe,

everything happens in your neck of the woods,

you'll be the first i call if anything goes down.

-Lnk-

Monday, January 14, 2008

we must do what we have to, to do what we want to

oh yeah. thank God. i could use a companion.

to hell or bust. i could use a companion.

nothing is as devastating as seeing our heart

in its worse state.

we burn what we don't understand,

cause we are afraid.

we are afraid of what is different.

oh you could?

-Lnk-

Friday, January 11, 2008

no, no, no, no, no

honey why you going to go run?

cause there are too many demons waiting at home.

like what?

like the computer, the tv, my thoughts.

its so quiet and the stars from miles and miles away,

shine on me.

no no no no no

you haven't gone,

no no no no no

you aren't going.

i wish i could throw a temper tantrum

it would set me back about, oh lets say,

20 years.

but it would relieve so much stress.

just lay on the floor and cry,

and punch at mid air.

actually that would look quite funny.

i would probably just cry.

i have a black spot in my finger and it won't come out.

i've said hi to more people than ever before.

you think i would know better,

but still i want.

no no no no no

beat your body into submission.

why don't you want to go home honey?

.cause you aren't there.

-Lnk-

the pressure of being numbers

i can do it but no one else can,

cause no one else matters.

this night on this dance floor,

this drink and this smoke will be the last,

the last of the first leg.

next is the second go around.

i will drink myself into this grave that my friends dug for me.

i promised myself long ago that i wouldn't go this far,

that i wouldn't lose control.

they make it seem so easy to let go.

all the preteens,

all the lovers and fighters.

we all want the same thing.

Love.

and we'll take it where we can get it.

i'll take it now,

from you,

and keep taking till you are deflated.

------------

i observe and watch and this is what my brain spits out.

fun night tonight.

-Lnk-

Monday, January 7, 2008

you want my surrender, you'll find no surrender here

i've forgotten how good it feels

and i've grown so afraid of tomorrow.

getting caught up in what i have no control over,

all the while seeing right through what is in front of me.

they don't call me anything,

i just make up names for myself.

maybe if i took their word i wouldn't hurt.

maybe if i shut up i could hear myself think

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.thats how i feel.

-Lnk-

Sunday, January 6, 2008

dry up and burn

we'll let you in our home and our hearts,

we'll keep you alive and bring everyone around.

after that you can stand up for awhile,

but you'll soon come down.

we'll throw you out and let you dry up till we can either burn you or drown you.

you can't choose your death cause you aren't alive,

we shall choose for you.

wait till you turn and rot and when we are tired of seeing you outside

we'll figure out what to do with you.

your life is short lived and you are the star of your time.

anything would want to be the one where everyone sits and laughs,

and eats, and trades, and fights and loves.

you don't judge, you don't hurt,

you just stand their in all your glory displaying your beauty for any who care to witness.

you are beautiful in your life and i believe even lovlier in your death,

or actually in your dying.

you look sad sitting in our backyard and i wish we never had to get rid of you.

but we'll have a new one next year and forget you even where around.

so enjoy your royalty now,

cause it is fleeting.

.so is ours.

-Lnk-

i want to catch you smiling

it will be a sad day when there are more planes than stars,

and no, i'd rather you not go

-Lnk-

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

70 and still kicking

went to Sebring for New Years,

hung out with some friends and renewed relationships.

it was awesome.

the house was purty and it was just a good time.

played ultimate football at 1 in the morning.

we went on the wave runners this afternoon after a hearty breakfast.

took my girl out on her first wave runner ride

and got taken for a purty nasty ride myself.

it was just great.

"a shot to midori perhaps?"

i can't get enough of my girl.

can't wait to see her tomorrow.

.vampire day.

-Lnk-