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Monday, March 31, 2008

music and the office

i'm in a really bad spot now. and i have only myself to blame.
the only two things that make the worry subside is playing or listening to music or watching the office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
with my own two feet,
i have run as far as i can
with my own two feet,
i have buckled under my pressure.
my knees have collapsed from all that i've tried to do
i've taken the world on my shoulders and totally ignored You.
with my own two hands,
i have dug my own grave.
with my own two feet,
i will walk to my bed that i have made.
no more time to think, no more lies to speak,
i'm done being me, i'm done being tired.
hold onto hope cause thats all that i have,
i won't sleep tonight or tomorrow for that matter,
so i'll think about ways to hold onto you coming home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

just wish everyone i saw could be us. everyone walking in and out, holding onto to each other and enjoying being in love. i wish we were them.

.done till manana.

-Lnk-

Sunday, March 30, 2008

fulfill

drink drink, drill drill.
take all we want to get our fill.

-Lnk-

Sunday, March 23, 2008

6 6:23

"for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life."


i should be dead

-Lnk-

calvin and hobbes

"girls are like slugs- they probably serve some purpose, but its hard to imagine what."
- Calvin

thought this was really funny. love calvin and hobbes. i don't agree with the above statement, its just funny to see girls from the perspective of a little boy. haha
went on a ride along last night with the miami beach police department.
it was friggin awesome. crazy night. went on the ride along from 11-4.
saw a lot of drunk people, went to a fight at mansion. some guy got so messed up. he started a fight with the bouncers.
we were flying through stop signs and stop lights doing 80. what a friggin thrill.
today is rainy and crappy. just got back from working out. plan relaxing the rest of the day.

.slugs.

-Lnk-

Friday, March 21, 2008

turn off

turn off the radio, turn off that bullsh** - Dead Prez
such truth, i was flipping through the channels on tv and looking for something to watch and came across a clip of a rap music video. Flo Rida, it sucked.
no substance in the lyrics, just a waste of cd's and tv time. but it sells.
it such a shame. just in the rap arena you have so many other artists who are mad better (lupe fiasco, krs one, dead prez, mos def, talib kweli)
they don't get half the respect they deserve, cause nowadays its not cool to have a stance on the poor. its not cool to be saying things that mean something, that cause you to think. just pump some nonsense beats and get it in the club. talk about "hoes, bitches, money, dubs, gold this gold that, drugs, being hard in the streets."
there is so much more to rap about

Hip-Hop Lives
"Hip means to know
It's a form of intelligence
To be hip is to be up-date and relevant
Hop is a form of movement
You can't just observe a hop
You got to hop up and do it
Hip and Hop is more than music
Hip is the knowledge
Hop is the movement
Hip and Hop is intelligent movement
Or relevant movement" - KRS-One

just pisses me off, put out what sells rather than what matters.
secondly, why republican and democrat?
why not question the candidates on moral issues rather than attack them cause they are in a different party?

reading "God's Politics" by Jim Wallis. talks about finding what we have in common and going on that. rather than pushing hidden agenda's just be real.

love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind, and love your neighbors as yourself - Luke 10:27

.thats all.

-Lnk-

Thursday, March 20, 2008

hoplessly

hopelessly addicted, addicted to your sorrows. - Ben Harper
i'm tired and have a headache. i've been down this road to many times before
i'm tired of falling and letting You down.
i need to replace my pain with joy.
i can sleep in tomorrow

-Lnk-

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

back from the weekend

crazy weekend.....theme, hope for the worst but be prepared for anything.
had a great time with her family, showed them the ropes of how to properly vacation at Disney World
had a couple of hours with her. just walked around Downtown Disney and enjoy each others company.
got mad lost taking her back home. it was nuts.
but i drove home by myself for 3 1/2 hours. very lonely.
it was really painful being so close to her but being so far away.
her coach had all these rules about not leaving the team house even when hey had nothing to do till 5 o clock.
i really miss her.
i forgot how good it felt when she touched my face, when she kissed me.
i love her so much and just genuinely miss her.
something is missing from my soul, it's painful.
oh well, love you babe.
be safe

.i never tasted pumpkin pie.

-Lnk-

Friday, March 14, 2008

hurry up and wait

i will wait for you forever, if you would just ask me. i thought that i would change you but you changed me. - emery

so hows it going?
lets move, come on......i'm tired of all this hinging on all that.
i'm here isn't that enough.
ugh just waiting so long, but now there are a couple of extra hours on the clock.
friggin move kid, move

-Lnk-

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

lucky

i am privileged to have been a part of something bigger than myself.
i am ever so thankful for everyone who came out to our shows, who let us sleep on their floor and let us raid their fridge, everyone who danced and sang along, everyone who bought our stuff, everyone who supported us in any way.
i experienced tremendous times and been places i never thought i'd go.
from the corn fields of iowa to the icy slopes of tennessee.
i grew close to 6 guys and was part of a brotherhood that toured the country and met kids and adults and just enjoyed our time being used by God.
i am sad that it is now over, but looking back, it all happened for a reason.
thank you to my brothers in arms who stuck by through hell and high water.
be safe cockatoo as you head further north.
i will miss you guys and the times we had in Talula Boone tearing up the terrain.
i will never forget the long nights and the run ins with the mall security.
love you guys, and miss it already.

.keys.

-Lnk-

Sunday, March 9, 2008

i understand

i understand has been all i've said recently.
i want more

.busy.

-Lnk-

liar

i've been living in a lie for so long i forgot how to tell the truth. when asked a simple little question, i'll just straight lie to you. i did it to avoid confrontation. i did it so you wouldn't yell. i lied to get into Heaven and now created my perfect hell.

help, help me i'm dying. i laughed in your face when you started crying.

i've lost sympathy along with my truth. to get where i want i'll trample over you. i thought once about redemption and said it was too pure for me. i thought twice about salvation but gave those thoughts to the breeze. i don't need anyone besides the one i can hear in my head. i'd rather not wake, just lay here and play dead.

leave, leave me alone. i asked for help but no on came over.

i pushed it all away, i pushed you all away. i heard you say love was pure and heard you lie that day. goodbye.

-Lnk-

Saturday, March 8, 2008

story of you and him; from the eyes of the betrayed

so it was good, i guess you'd say. things were going well, we spoke sweet words to each other and i believe we genuinely meant them. windy days seemed to carry your voice while the storms where Heaven's approval of said voice. it was well.

you moved, to soon and it was still okay. then i saw it, first in a dream. you held his hand. you held his hand not in the "here let me help you across the street" way but in the "here is the key to my heart" way. i woke up in a cold sweat, i knew it was a dream but i had the image burned into my retinas. i rubbed my eyes and lifted myself up out of the sheets and there it was, a note, on the floor, in your hand-writing.

~~~~~~~~~~
she wrote me. i was blank for awhile and do not remember much of anything before the ink was thrown upon me in an angry, regretful manner. most of the words were ruined with tears. she stuck me in her pocket and everything went dark. 15 minutes later i was thrown on the floor and rested there till he picked me up. i wanted to apologize for what he was about to read, but i can't speak.

love hurts

~~~~~~~~~~
the note was stained with tears and caused me to spill many of my own. i could not believe it. you did hold his hand, but where was i this whole time. what happened to our soft-spoken words? what happened to what we had? how did it disappear?

~~~~~~~~~~
you slept for years. i would visit your room and sing songs till night drew. nothing would wake you. i waited and i waited and i waited. i couldn't do this any longer. i moved and started life again. it was unbearable for the first couple of months. i surrounded myself with work and business. it worked. i grew angry at you, so angry that you wouldn't come out for me. you selfish bastard.

i moved on to him. he is so sweet and holds my hand so close. it works. its okay. he takes me out to dinner and taught me how to dance. he is nice and best of all, he isn't you and thats all that matters.

~~~~~~~~~~
my tears knocked me back into my worn sheets. my lungs pulsated letting out cry after cry. i am broken. "i am speechless........."

~~~~~~~~~~
i'll bet you are speechless. you should be.

~~~~~~~~~~
he threw me away. i wish i was bird to sing him a song. he needs someone to love him.

~~~~~~~~~~
where do i go? no one is in this room. no one is in this house. i'm alone in every sense of the word. my walls are brown with water and my door is off its hinges. the house is dis shelved . no electricity, no floor boards, no roof and no pulse but mine. just dirt and flies. i'm left. where did she go?

5:56am

so i'm up cause its storming and my dog won't stop shaking.
she jumped in my bed and ran around all over my sheets, panting and shaking.
so now i'm up when i'd rather be asleep.

so i'll call you in a bit.
not 3 hours later when i'm spent.

.it hurts.

-Lnk-

Thursday, March 6, 2008

get to going

ah come on what do you think you are doing?
get up....what are so down for idiot?
it just ended, all my hard work done.
well maybe just maybe,
ha when has maybe EVER MEANT maybe, try never...
maybe is just a cop out when someone doesn't have the heart to say no.
well okay but you had something,
we did, i'll give you that but just to have it disappear so quickly.
well.....
well what, you have any answers, no, but all i have is equipment.
bulky, heavy equipment.
now the only person i want to talk to i can't.
and when i can, the z's come in.
i can't catch a break.

i'm tired of being teased and thats what it seems my life has been.
a lot of empty promises from churches, jobs, friends, managers, "people who know".
or maybe the promises weren't empty, maybe i am.
maybe those promises fell through cause of me.
what if i had done something different?
i'm still tired of being teased,
more than half way but still not home.

what the *expletive* expletive*expletive*
pardon my language but come on, make some damn effort.

i'm in such a Debbie Downer mood.
get up.
but on a softer side The Office is returning.
at least i know i'll be laughing sometime soon.
friggin fraggin

.getup/wakeup, don't leave me alone.

-Lnk-

Sunday, March 2, 2008

everybody love everybody

"sometimes when things are hard, you are right where God wants you to be."-Rob Peters

saw Semi Pro last night and was surprised. i usually don't like Will Ferrel's movies the 1st time i watch them. but it was laugh out loud hilarious.

one of my friends is back stage with The Devil Wears Prada. they are a hardcore band out of Georgia. purty lucky boy.

church was very good this morning. i actually listened.

went to Barnes and Noble and got 2 books. i'm excited to read again. i love books. i love reading. well i have to finish watching CSI.

.monix.

-Lnk-

Saturday, March 1, 2008

it's business time

do you believe me when i say i can't take watching kisses on the screen?
do you want me cause i don't know if i do.
i'm a box full of complaints and a heart full of pains and nothing seems to mend the wound like you.
i just need to cry and bury my head in your hands. i need to try to stand on my own 2 feet.
but its impossible without you. i'm impossible without you here.

-Lnk-