sitting on a bridge

Not so tough found out, found out.
Feel so warm sun fire, sun fire.
Not so strong lost out, lost out.
Twice as sweet come round, come round.

And not so fast come back, come back.
Steal away a smile, a smile.
Not right now lay down, lay down.
Not so tough found out, found out.

Hold me. You're here and then you're gone.
Love like a dream, like a sigh.
Tell me you're hearing every word now,
Like a song, love like a song.

-"Not So Tough Found Out" by Copeland

and that's all i have to say about that

-Lnk-

if..

God knows how to get my attention,
and today He did.
in the most blunt way possible,
and i've had to change somethings.

i can't justify the things i have before,
He used mark driscoll to smack me in the face.

crazy stuff.
i can't explain it in words,
so i won't try to.

.peacepeeps.

-Lnk-

jacob and rachel

i was reading on Jacob and Rachel from Genesis.
their story is a long one,
and is purty complicated.
mostly dealing with love
and discontent.
here are some of the lines from the commentary.
"True love requires thorough knowledge. To profess to love someone we do not know intimately is merely to love our mental image of that person. And if he/she does not measure up to our mental image, then our so-called “love” turns to disillusionment and resentment, and sometimes to hatred."

"One great test of true love, therefore, is the ability to wait. Infatuation is usually in a hurry because it is self-centered. It says, “I feel good when I am with you, so I want to hurry up and get you to the altar before I lose you and lose these good feelings.” Love says, “Your happiness is what I want most of all, and I am willing to wait, if need be, to be sure this is what is best for you.” And if it is real, it will stand the test of time."

"Some husbands say, “I could love her more if she would only be sweet.” Love that functions only when she is sweet is not really love. God wants wives to sense their husbands’ intense love for them even when they are acting like stinkers. Maybe men should ask themselves this question periodically, especially in the middle of a disagreement, “Is my wife conscious of my love right now? Is she feeling love, or is she feeling anger, hostility, and rejection?” God made a wife with the need to rest secure in her husband’s love at all times. And that will depend largely on the attitude her husband projects by things as little as the look on his face and the tone of his voice, especially when she is moody and disagreeable."

if you want to read the whole commentary and the mess that was Jacob's life,
here's the link http://www.bible.org/page.php?page_id=1291

.craziness.

-Lnk-

on the safest ledge

i am Jim Halpert or actually
he is me.

would you feel happy to fall like a stone,
if you'd land right here safe in my arms?
it's fine, lock all your doors through the night,
keep it all right here safe in my arms.

.thatsall.

-Lnk-

undue

dead space is sick
so sick

so is the copeland album
you are my sunshine is the title

dont stress yourself
if you gave it your best
that's all you can ask for.
if you want to improve
that's great too.
if you are placing undue stress upon yourself
it's not good or healthy

be safe
and breathe.

.shouldyoureturn.

-Lnk-

my nerd card

so a movie night.
no one showed up.
i ate cookies
and talked about Peru,
Star Wars, guitars,
theft, car accidents.

it was cool.
like i wouldn't think about being in the same room with these people.
but it was awesome getting to know where these kids were from.

i learned how one girl can be born in Peru
and somehow end up in Weston.
pretty crazy, insightful stuff.

i missed an opportunity today.
and i'm killing myself for it.

.callme.

-Lnk-

jim and i

watched the new The Office episode.
love it.
i total sympathize with jim.
i feel his pain.

voting....
it is our right as american's
but i don't want to give that away
to just any candidate.
it's something i cherish.

you can't avoid politics.
i so much enjoy conversations that don't deal with them.
i used to hold conversations about politics in such high regard,
until this election.

i'm tired of people trying to get me to vote their way.
negative campaign ads,
debates that don't answer a damn thing,
and political double-speak.
be clear,
be honest.

no one candidate has convinced me that they are what america needs.
i have opinions that lie on both sides of "party lines",
but i have no reason to cast my full vote for either.

the only recourse i have is prayer.
praying to my God who knows more than i will,
and hopefully through this prayer
be led to vote for someone.

if anything, just to get this out of the way.

politics divide,
and somehow we have given politics the power
to become a sensitive subject.

man, i'm so negative towards our government right now.
but The Office,
i smile.

we need to search God's heart,
until we can say we have done that,
i do not believe we are ready to vote.

.expletive.

-Lnk-

1 John 1

i watched some of the debate tonight.
it was good, i guess.
i don't know what a perfect debate looks like,
so i have no way to gauge this one.
whatever....
3/4's of the way through i had to shower.
while in the shower, i thought about how frustrated politics make me.

i don't know if i can trust the candidates,
don't know if they will keep their word.
don't know about half the stuff they are talking about.
this bill, that vote,
free trade here, health care policy there.
its all very subjective and completely confusing.
purposely?

but in my angst against politics i realized that God,
my God,
does not waver.
He doesn't side with special interests groups,
He doesn't contradict himself, no flip-flopping.
He doesn't mince words, doesn't stutter,
has no moderator that tells Him when His time is up.

He is consistent.
strong, everlasting,
loving, just, true,
soveriegn.

there is no way ever,
that i could've taken the moderator's chair
and asked the questions.
no way they would have let me in.
i will, most likely, never get to talk to either candidate
face to face.
i will never know who they truly are.

not only can i know God's heart
by reading His word,
but He waits for me.
He wants me to know Him,
He wants me to spend time with Him
and asking Him difficult questions.

He is so beautiful.
before i was created, He loved me.
He loves me when i turn my back on Him,
and He will always love me.

He is why i sing,
and walk.
He gives me air to breathe
and the chest to breathe it in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 John 1
John was with Christ and saw Him through His death, resurrection and ascension. He writes this letter to counter the false-teachers coming into churches with doctrine stating that we can have a relationship with God and still walk in sin. They believed the psychical body was evil and/or worthless so they could gratify their lusts because the flesh would eventually be destroyed. One of John's themes in the majority of his books is light vs darkness. In darkness, good and evil appear the same. When light enters, everything is revealed. Darkness cannot exists in light. God is light. He is the only way to be lead out of our dark states, to clean our dark hearts. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) If we confess that we are dark, the light will cleanse us. It will reveal all that is wrong, evil, perverted in our souls. The only remaining thing is our battle against these dark holes in our hearts. Just because we are Christians does not mean we are free from sin. Our confession of sin after our accepting Christ as our Saving Grace, does not keep us from losing our salvation. Our salvation is intact in Christ. Our repentance is our recognition that we have sinned and are not hiding it from ourselves our God, agreeing with God that our sin is wrong, it is sin, and our willingness to forsake it and bringing into the light our tendency of sinning and relying on God to help us overcome it. God cannot be with sin. When we sin it separates us from God. Light cannot exist with dark. If we bring darkness into light, we have become dark and no longer part of the light. We confess our sin to enjoy the maximum fellowship with God.

.whew.

-Lnk-

the office and me

well tonight was extremely overwhelming.
went to class and got tons of friggin' work.
so i came home in a crappy mood.
fixed dinner and turned on The Office.
and it made me smile.

i need to buckle down on school.

that's a side story,
but more importantly is this.

if i receive my highest joy from a tv program,
what the hell am i doing?

God is the ultimate joy.
He is the one to who i should turn to when everything seems impossible.
He is my everything,
waiting for me let Him by my everything.

so after i enjoy my bowl of hot oatmeal,
i will start reading 1 John.

hung out with a friend last night.
i really look up to him.
very knowledgeable and very disciplined in His relationship with God.
our conversations last night were encouraging.
it was if God said, "If you don't know what you should be doing,
here's an example."

so tonight i start and tomorrow i will continue.

here's to the rubber meeting the road.

.honeyNcinnamon.

-Lnk-

this IS music

the lyrics to Lecrae's Fall Back off his Rebel cd.
there is nothing else to say. read.
hit this link to listen to the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4dncwejxfI

I know you might a seen on the TV
You hear on the radio and CD(fall back)
But you can be deceived pretty easy
Believe me... you might wanna (fall back)

The enemy crafty and misleading
that's why I use the word of God to Lead me
And I aint eating everything they feed me
Tryna deceive me...so I gotta fall back

Verse 1:
(LeCrae)
Lies in them songs lies on television
No telling what lies on the television
learned sacrasm, sexism, racism
learned to worship money cars
learned to hate Christians
All the Christians in the movies so typical
alcoholic, child molesting, hypocritice and mystical
They say since everyone is doing it it's normal
But Jesus says be transformed and don't let them conform you
You aint thin enough you need diet
you need a psychic everybody does it you should try it
Spring break hit the beach what you sposed to do?
be careful what you let the media impose on you
You learned how to find peace from TV shows
you learned how to ride clean from them videos In 30 seconds a commercial have you mixed up
(call now and we can have your whole life fixed up)

Verse 2:
(Trip Lee)
These days if you watch the, box you should block your
Mind in these times, and them lies that could lock you
They telling girls in our world to be hot stuff
And telling dudes link with crews on the block tough
Plus I'm feeling like they mock us
They think that God is old school like a box cut
But I'm sure that His flock's tough
And we can judge what is bug, and live pleasing in His sight when the clock's up
I hope we gazing through His lens with eyes
So we can defend what it is when we get they lies
Its on that cash that they fix they mind
Man they always sayin cheese like its picture time (be easy)
Tell em cool it with the mind games
I'm chasing Christ, I'm renewed in my mind frame
And removed from them tired games
Then say my life it aint mine man
We must remove the damaged parts like a tire change

Verse 3:
(LeCrae)
Be rebel let the word of God lead you
Satan uses media to tempt you and deceive you
He will lead ya leach ya leave ya
so be careful as you navigate thru media
take heed fo gravity get the best of you
and you find the concrete bench pressin you
use the word of God to help filter all that
Before you fall into the trap you better fall back
(Trip Lee)
You know what I call that? I call that maturity
Learnin how to fall back so you can live in purity
Learnin how to walk that and saying them you ain't luring me
The media is meeting us with lies but He's curing me (be easy)
I know them guys trying to hype you
But cling to the Lord's Word, flee from them vipers
We spitting aiming at your heart like snipers
We'd like fa you to desire God like Piper

.realmusicexists.

-Lnk-

WOW!!!

i've been on a rap bender lately.
i really like lupe fiasco,
his beats, his lyrics
real talk.
not formulas to sell cd's.

but, my boi up in virginia told me Lecrae came out with a new cd.
i figured i'd give it a shot.
bought it off iTunes
and it is ridiculous.

for those of you who don't know,
Lecrae is a Christian rapper from the midwest.
Christian music has a reputation for sucking,
and believe me, i think that is true for the majority of it.
Christian rap is very easy to make fun of.

but Lecrae, damn man,
its crazy.
the beats are good,
but the lyrical content is superior to anything i've ever heard.
he's so blunt,
so truthful and honest.

and guess what,
Lecrae is on iTunes Top 10 Download list.

i'd quote lines from his cd here,
but i will leave that for later,
seeing as this will be the only cd in my truck
for a long long time.

.(rebel).

-Lnk-

you find what you are looking for

this is as graphic, as blunt and as honest as i've ever been on here
here goes the shit:

i've trained myself to search out for things that stimulate me,
make me happy, at least for the moment.
these "things", whether on computer screens in the form of pornography
or material objects that give me more to call mine,
stand out to me.
i've trained my eyes to find things that appease me.
they are highlighted, bold, in italics, underlined.

i don't even have to think now.
it just happens.
i have an urge and i appease it.

i can blame this on having my best friend and girlfriend away.
but i know its my problem.
i need to let go
of thinking i can control myself,
that i can just look at this site,
or buy this thing and thats it.

i need to talk to God as much as i say i do.
need to read.
i can feel Him chasing me,
feel it in my chest.

last night He was so close i could've touched Him.
reached out in the midst of the singing and touched His hand.
this morning it was a new day.
and i made it all mine for the taking.

i've wasted too many days,
too many.

i'm a walking contradiction,
full of holes and afflictions.
wanting to love on everyone but myself.

.gearup.

-Lnk-

music and control

tonight at church was very good.
music went fine
but michael brought the message.
friggin' strong.

but i'm not sure.
i don't know if i want to know all the time.
about where and what.
or maybe its that i can' handle it.
i'm so immature.

-Lnk-

words are stretching

our words are losing their meaning.
in being thrown from one corner of the US
to another,
they are being stripped of their definitions.

words were meant to be spoken to those around.
face to face,
personal.
we have phones,
they transfer our words across lines,
but we miss out on the experience of actually talking to someone.

.wearetrumped.

-Lnk-

too cool

had to meet up with a fellow classmate to prepare our debate.
i'm taking a class dealing with how to teach students with disabilities.
we touched on our debate slightly,
but mostly talked about our lives.

she is a mother of 3, aregentinian, first year student.

we "dished" on our lives at FIU
our faiths and how that impacted our passion to teach,
and just anything else we deemed suitable for a short conversation.

it was refreshing to speak to someone knowledgable.
she's outside of the realm of my friends,
i don't call her when i need help.
she is an acquaintance.
but because of our belief in God
and that His Son died for our sins,
our conversation was made richer and more meaningful.

that made my day.
she was nice,
and now i know i have someone to talk to in class.

.herestoyoueli.

-Lnk-

no title

eating rice out of a bowl,
in front of a computer screen
that's not giving but taking away my soul.
or am i
a willing participant
in this messed barter system called life.

and what You've fought so hard for,
i'll give it away on a whim.
give it away to the wind.

it could all fall apart tonight
and i'd know it was coming.
i could close my eyes
but there's still my voice saying it's all your fault
you stupid kid.
that's me

and i have no one to blame but myself,
i'm the face in the mirror
saying that i'm better than anyone else.
but it's just me,
this rice in a bowl.
a frustrated heart
with a gaping hole

and i've followed all that i've been told
till i now,
now i just want to know.
who i am,
so i can live.
lord let me know,
so i can live

.iwasandstillameatingtherice.

-Lnk-

bigger than the entire world

today was peaches.
up until i got home from school.
now i'm pissed and looking to start some trouble.
or get into some.

had a great night last night.
hit up chipotle and had a nice convo.
hung out with a friend who has seen as much change as i have.
hell, we've been through the change together.

just talked about how things have progressed.
taught her how to attempt to make o-rings with smoke.
it was fun teaching her something.
she's older and i feel like i'm always looking up to her.
not psychically,
cause i am taller.
but "life-wise", if that makes sense.

i just want to get this done with.
school, studying, having little to no money.
i bought my tickets to new york.
so eventually there will a break in this monotany.

but then i'll have to worry if she'll still love me.
i know she'll look good,
but what about me?
it'll span 6 days
then i'm back in the scheisse (German word, look it up)

so yeah.
my mind is running a thousand miles a minute
and i'd like it to stop for me tonight.
so i can sleep.
so i don't have to worry if this dude is ever going to buy my amp?
he said he would,
so i'll take him at his word.

i'm typing way too fast
and that's when i know i'm not doing so well.

.Arschgesicht.

-Lnk-