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Friday, January 30, 2009

just one of those nights

just chilled
got invited to a birthday dinner.
wasn't great friends with the bday boi.
but it was fun.
it was nice.
but it still hurts.
like in my gut.

i can't stand seeing anything that reminds me,
that's why i kicked the pic.
arghh man,
i'd be a fool to say that this is easy.
it's killing me.
but i'm reading the word
and it brings me peace.

oh yeah, enter shikari is purty rocking.
and no i will not meet you at the roundup at 1:30 am in my pjs.
srry

.johnorrthearsonist.

-Lnk-

Sunday, January 25, 2009

now i lay me down to sleep

i go to bed after the laziest day of my life.
it was awesome.
just laying around and being with friends.
i gave my worries to God.
i'm sad but not broken.
when people ask me questions
i answer them truly,
and in thinking back
i feel i didn't over react.
think i handled it well.

i haven't been single in like 5 years.
it's weird,
and it hurts.
after having someone to call
or text.
but this is what i've been dealt.
it is for a reason
so i trust that God is at work

been reading and talking to God.
in the absence of having someone,
i now see time that i can talk to Him.

tomorrow will be challenging,
as will going home and taking down pictures and paintings will be.
the slow scrubbing of memories
and places.
this all is a long
hurting process.

but with friends and God,
i did it before,
and i can do it again.

.thejoythatwassetbeforeHim.


-Lnk-

cooking steaks

so yeah things have been particulary weird.
she wanted a break,
she wanted to do it alone.
so we broke.
last night was easy,
today was kick ass
tonight is hurting.
she said she's sorry she hurt me,
but she needs to do this.
i don't understand.

what the hell?

now i got to go eat
and be with friends.



-Lnk-

Thursday, January 22, 2009

kind of feeling pushed aside

sitting in an empty classroom,
waiting for class to start.
now someone walks in 16 minutes before we start.
i want someone to hug me.
and if they did, i wouldn't stop them.
i'd probably cry.
and i hope that they'd understand,
cause i'm sure that they've wanted to do the same at least once.
i know i'm love now i just want someone to show me.

.itendtoaskfortoomuch.


-Lnk-

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

in a jacket two sizes to big

i will preface this blog with this statement,
i love my job.
since i am pursuing a career in education,
i figured working at a daycare would help me understand how to interact with kids.
but they are so cool.

i can be having the worst day ever,
i go to work and am greeted with smiles and energetic little kids.
they don't judge me,
they just want to play outside and want help with their homework.

today i smiled more than usual.
one boy was being teased by a group of girls,
he totally deserved it,
but he resorted to calling one of the girls chubby.
i immediately told this boy to never call a girl chubby, or fat
hoping to spare him future pain and agony.
another boy followed my correction with the most innocence one can muster and said
"You can't call people fat to be mean. Some people are skinny, some are fat. It's not bad. Everyone is different."
i smiled and saw that he was serious.
he believed what he said.

and then there is one little 5k boy.
he is the shortest kid on the playground.
all the girls love him because he small and easy to pick up.
but since today was a little colder, the kids had sweaters.
i was already outside on the swings waiting for the kids to come out.
then i heard, "Josh!!!"
it was a mobile army jacket with tiny legs and small hands sticking out.
it was him.
wearing an army jacket.
or maybe the jacket was wearing him.
his small face was enclosed in the hood
and the jacket was two sizes to big.
throughout the day i was attacked by this camo puffball.
then he broke my heart.
i told him that i liked his jacket.
he said, "Yeah, it's from the army. You know my dad was in the army!"
i smiled but held back tears.
his dad died last year in iraq,
fighting for our country.
he took it real hard last year
but has made major improvements this year.
his mom works hard and raises her son by herself.
he loves his dad
and is proud that he was in the army.




i love my job.
if people would listen to their children or hang out at a daycare,
they'd realize what really matters.

.windowsopen.

-Lnk-

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

issues in elementary education

im sticking to it. i'm staying in this class for it's entire duration.

watched the inaguration today.
if he keeps his word he could be a great president,
but i still was unclear on some of his words.
like when he said "if you kill innocents,we will defeat you."
something like that, referring to terroists.
my question would be, how?
again when he said he wants to give everyone the opportunity to succeed.
once again, how?
giving them free governmental help?
free ride alongs?
how are we going to defeat terroists and their organizations?
peace talks for endless months?

overall, it was a good speech.
and even better was rick warrens prayer.

although i don't always agree with everything that he is about,
his prayer was good and poignant.
when he said, "let's pray."
i bowed my head.
but i realized that i was doing something i don't normally do.
pray in school, in public.
i was a little nervous at first,
thinking about everyone looking at me
and wondering why i was praying,
but i realized something else,
it's not about them,
it's about God and i.

i felt comfortable praying to a God who is with me in school.
cause it sucks alone.
and sadly i spend most of my days, here at school, alone.

well here goes a presentation on corporal punishment.
argh

-Lnk-



Saturday, January 17, 2009

shot in the knuckle

played airsoft tonight with the bois.
it was fun,
one of us broke a glass table.
and that purty much was our signal to leave.
we were chatting in the house when someone mentioned that there was something outside.
there was something stuck on someone's truck.
so we walked outside looking at the truck.

we were attacked by my bois girlfriends.
they had a can of silly string
and a super soaker filled with inca cola.
we were all purty surprised.

now my friend jimmy was a little mad at his lady.
just them not seeing eye to eye.
but she was one of the girls who surprise attacked us.
it was cute watching them "fight"

i don't know what that means but i was happy for them having their girls down here.
it made me smile,
but it hurt to.

anyways.......
i'm running on 4 hours of sleep.
don't know how or why my body has elected to not pass out,
but i've been up and moving since 6:50 this morning,
and got to bed at around 3 last night.

so i'm going to now play some NCAA,
to which i have become slightly addicted too.

enjoy the friends and loved ones you have around you,
take advantage of shooting each other with plastic bullets.
it might sting,
but you are having fun with people that care about you and for you.

.carlosdunlap.

-Lnk-

Thursday, January 15, 2009

new app

so i'm posting this blog from my phone
using a new app i got.
purty snazzy
i'm in class and it is so boring.
rode my bike to class,
had class at the pines center,
so i took advantage of the cool weather,
and saved me some gas.

my family and i went to Disney this past weekend.
it was so relaxing just eating and being with my family.
the last night my dad and i did some fence hopping.
we found our way into an old water park that had been closed down for awhile.
it was so cool.
so rundown, trees and plants grew over everything.
it was crazy to see it all old and crappy looking.
we took the freedom of no one being there to climb around.
we found ourselves on top of the highest point, overlooking everything.






good times with my pops.

he also called me smart.
that made me smile.

well, back to pretending i care about this class.


-Lnk-

Thursday, January 1, 2009

don't go

i'm sorry that i can't get this out of my head,
but when i hold you i have the nagging feeling that you will leave.
that this hand i'm holding will disappear,
that these lips that i kiss are soon going away.

i don't want to get attached cause you won't be here.
i know how your hand feels in mine,
but time will slowly etch that memory away into
"what once was".
then that will be a dream hoped for.

we've been together for somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 years.
but we still have a lot to learn,
and a lot of growing to do.

if i could kill a bear to make you not leave,
i would.
if i had to scale mount olympus to make us work,
i would.
not saying that we are broken,
i just see areas that we need to grow in.
and i'm not one to be particularly patient.

i love you,
i know i do.
i can feel it when i see you.
your overwhelming-ness.
your laugh, your words,
your freckles.

but that will all be gone.
and i will be here trudging through this sh**
that they call college.
2 more years of this?
i was asked how much longer you'll be away,
and i realized 2 more years.

read baby.
read.
encourage me to read too.
lets talk about it openly.
lets share that part of our lives together,
at least while your down here.

i miss you.

i woke up with the greatest feeling of loneliness this morning.
maybe because i never properly said goodbye last night,
maybe cause i didn't walk you out to your car.

one of your friends said they <33333333 you so much.
they have no idea how much i love you,
and how much God loves His daughter.

i'm jealous of them,
i'm jealous of LI.

.motherrussia.

-Lnk-