watch and learn

if you want my bed, you'll need to get my love

i had a great night tonight,

.too bad .

-Lnk-

not while i'm around

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.

Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,
I'll send 'em howling,
I don't care, I got ways.

No one's gonna hurt you,
No one's gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

Being close and being clever
Ain't like being true
I don't need to,
I would never hide a thing from you,
Like some...

No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

a song from the movie "Sweeny Todd"

awfully dark movie but still good.

went to a panthers game tonight with a good friend.

met his familia for the first time and had peanuts thrown at me by his sister

the cats got wooped 5-1.

last night my girl and i made breakfast for dinner,

it was great.

then we laid on my hammock for a bit,

then we went for a canoe ride.

found out she had never been on a canoe ride before,

it was pure bliss.

things have been much better

but i still have hurdles to jump.

i'm not afraid of school anymore

or just not as much as i was before.

seriously, i have watched each episode of each season of "The Office"

at least 10 times.

i'm officially addicted to this show.

it's too good.

love it

man oh man

-Lnk-

sdrowkcab

krow siht ekam ot sdrawkcab revo gindneb m'i

struh ylereves os ti yhw ylbaborp staht

ti tegrof t'nod i os nwod ti tup, enil siht ekil

-knL-

christmas

it was good, had the usual family over

and then my other family came over.

haven't seen them in 19 years.

craziness.

watched Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

forgot how great it was.

she fell asleep, she always does

and she is so cute when she sleeps.

she is so beautiful,

i forgot how powerful her words are.

the way her perfect lips pronounce the syllables

so simple and poignant.

love that girl

well i'm going to bed,

-Lnk-

physical, mental, emotional and spiritual

i've lived a full day

i'm tired in each of the titles

i've had extreme highs and lows but it ended better than it started

i planned on sleeping all day long.

i was too afraid to wake up

but the sun wouldn't let me.

so i begrudgingly got up and moved on from the past nights happenings.

but through all the pain and suffering,

its better.

.tomorrow is all we have.

-Lnk-

rug

the rug has been pulled out from under me

.thats it.

its all i can do to hold it together and keep busy

i know You are there, just once again hold me

and let me feel Your love

.cause i need it or i will fall to pieces.

.cause i'm falling now.

here's to life, loss of love, finding of TRUE love, forgiving, forgetting,

crying and loving past circumstances.

.let go.

-Lnk-

didn't realize

"you don't know what you got till you let it go."

i didn't realize what i had till she came back.

we went shopping, (which was a fiasco)

consumed some sushi

and watched "A Christmas Story"

it was a great night.

i forgot how much she meant to me.

i forgot how her hands felt against my face,

how her eyes looked in the moonlight,

how she just lit up a room.

i'm glad she's here even if its or awhile.

i can't wait to give her what i got her for Christmas,

i know she's going to love it.

well its way too late so i'm going to call it a night.

.love you babe.

-Lnk-

the practice of the presence of God

excerpt from aforementioned book by Brother Lawrence:

That he (Brother Lawrence) had been long troubled in mind from a certain belief that he should be damned; that all men in the world could not have persuaded him to the contrary; but that he had thus reasoned with himself about it: I engaged in a religious life only for the love of God, and I have endeavored to act only for Him; whatever becomes of me, whether I be lost or saved, I will always continue to act purely for the love of God. I shall have this good at least, that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him. That this trouble of mind had lasted four years; during which time he had suffered much. But that at last he had seen that this trouble arose from want of faith; and that since then he had passed his life in perfect liberty and continual joy. That he had placed his sins betwixt him and God, as it were, to tell Him that he did not deserve His favors, but that God still continued to bestow then in abundance.

That we ought to make a great difference between the acts of the understanding and those of the will: that the first were comparatively of little value, and the others, all. That our only business was to love ad delight ourselves in God.

That all possible kinds of mortification, if they were void of the love of God, could not efface a single sin. That we ought, without anxiety, to expect the pardon of our sins from the Blood of Jesus Christ, only endeavoring to love Him with all our hearts. That God seemed to have granted the greatest favors to the greatest sinners, as more signal monuments of His mercy.

this book is made up of several conversations between M. Beaufort, Grand Vicar and Brother Lawrence.

Brother Lawrence came to Christ at age 18 while seeing a tree stripped of its leaves.

he considered that within a little time the leaves would be renewed and after that the flowers and fruit would appear.

in nature he saw God.

this all took place back around 1666.

my dad gave me this book.

it's purty good so far.

if you want to borrow it after I'm done, let me know.

today i have the house and my tears to myself.

i've been on the verge of crying for the past 2 weeks.

sentimental tears.

tears from the realization that i'm so broken and powerless.

last night was hard for me

but i slept it off and now, today

this house is all my own.

i recently listened to Rob Bell's podcast on joy.

excellent stuff

his Mars Hill podcasts can be found here

http://www.marshill.org/teaching/index.php

it goes back about 12 weeks.

i almost cried listening to it while running

i'm in shambles

shambles, thats a cool word.

been listening to a lot of jazz lately.

not any certain specific type,

but "A Chick From Corea" by Victor Wooten and Steve Bailey

will blow your skull to pieces

so beautiful

still listening to "Maiden Voyage" by Herbie Hancock and Chick Corea

got a nice night planned for my lady

who arrived last night via airplane.

hopefully all goes well and we can enjoi each others company

................

-Lnk-

my luck

had a great idea to go bike riding in this nice, unique weather we were experiencing,

so i got on my bike, put on a sweater, plugged my ipod in and took off.

had my keys with me to get back into the house.

i made my way to my compadres house and everything was going fine.

i started up an overpass and ate it.

fell all over the asphalt and just laughed.

no one saw me but i know it was funny.



thank God for my sweater, if i hadn't had that on, my elbow would look bad.

and i'm missing a patch of hair on my right leg.

hahahahaha

i made it to the aforementioned friends house and played some GH3

also watched the end to Lord of the Rings, forgot how good it was

on the ride back i realized i didn't have my keys.

i rode back and there they were, laying on the ground

where i had previously wiped out

once again i laughed out loud, alone

and it felt so good.

its cold outside and i can't be sad

i can only be happy that i have a bloodied thumb and good friends to laugh with

to know that God was laughing right there with me

cause i wiped out good.

oh and the soundtrack for tonight Jars of Clay/The Killers

they compliment each other very nicely

.you wouldn't think so.

-Lnk-

western wear

if we are okay in the western world, then the rest of the world is fine.

we are quick to sign checks to charities but how quick are we to give our time?

we spend 18 billion dollars on makeup in a year

we spend 15 billion on perfume, cologne, etc. in a year

it would take 10 billion dollars to solve the worldwide water crisis

it would take 19 billion to eliminate hunger for every man, woman and child in the world.

we can we do?

-Lnk-

Vengeance

"When I bring vengeance, they'll realize that I am God." Ezekiel 25:17

read this tonight and was entirely comforted.

this verse is referring to God punishing the Philistines for attempting to destroy His people.

God loves with a jealous, powerful love.

all of chapter 25 is God declaring judgment on nations that had wished His beloved harm.

strong stuff.

it is just amazing to me that the God of the night sky, of everything that i see,

is on my side.

He isn't pointing fingers and calling out my past sins against me,

He is loving and just, delivering perfect judgment when He sees fit.

and i love that this isn't blind faith.

the Bible is full of people questioning God.

they question Him honestly and earnestly.

not out of rebellion but out of true doubt.

God does not want us to blindly follow Him around,

doing what we are told just 'cause we are told to do it.

He wants a relationship with us and relationships take communication,

take question and answer,

take patience and trust,

love and loyalty,

openness and honesty.

and this is what i've learned in the past 2 weeks.

God wants us to talk to Him, even if it is to say that we don't feel Him.

God honors faithfulness and that has been the motto for the past 3 years of my life.

God honors faithfulness but some people take advantage of it.

but i know that in the end God's will is perfect,

and even though things might not work out the way i want them to,

God is in control.

it is hard to give up the thought that i could possibly change something,

that i could have an effect on anything,

that i am possible of accomplishing a feat of any size.

i cannot control more than my hands and thoughts,

and even there i struggle.

so who am i to hold certain things from the one who controls the world?

if it sounds cliche, its because it is.

but it is true.

.to be a light in the darkness.

-Lnk-

___________

tonight i have no one save You,

i've trusted you more lately than i have ever before.

trust that Your will is perfect

and that in Your time, You will reveal Yourself,

if we are seeking.

i am in pain, so deeply and sorrowfully

this is fasting,

but for weeks on end.

i know that there is something going on behind the scenes

and i will not understand tomorrow today.

thank You for Your peace and mercy.

bestow it upon me and the ones i love.

mend my broken heart and let all see You are King.

God, i just need you now more than yesterday.

so much, so much

thank You for pain and the change it brings.

He Giveth More

by Annie Johnson Flint

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;

To added affliction he addeth his mercy,

To multiplied trials, his multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength his failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limit, his grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of his infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

.hurts but its true.

-Lnk-

found

found a community in which, truly, no question is dumb

no inquiry is looked down upon.

i have found that i spend a lot of time running through the forums,

reading the hearts, tears, troubles and triumphs

of many who share my same burdens.

it's comforting to know that it is possible to overcome.

truly overcome.

hung out with my sis a considerable amount this weekend.

good times, good times.

laughed tonight, good hearty laughter.

Mitch Hedberg is funny.

danced in Cold Stone, shot coke cans in a virtual world,

questioned why i long for intimacy yet hug shadowed corners so tightly.

read that God is returning to bring us to Him,

giving us opportunity over opportunity to love Him.

He is ever gracious.

it is these moments which i must remember and cherish.

when life gets tumultuous, i so easily forget these times

these days when i know whats happening.

these moments when friendships are as important as food.

speaking of food,

fasting is hard.

beat this body into submission.

listening to Herbie Hancock and Chick Corea "Maiden Voyage"

RIDONKULOUS!!

recommended by a man who enlightens me with musical knowledge that i can only dream of one day having

i know you'd like this babe.

i know you'd like a quiet evening,

just one night.

come back and i'll silence the world.

i'll mute the noise and we can be,

not do anything but sit, and be.

be safe.

stay warm.

i love you so entirely and fully.

Isaiah 40:28-31:

"Don't you know? Haven't you heard? The LORD is the everlasting God; He created the world. He never grows tired or weary. No one understands his thoughts . He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young men can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the LORD for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak."

keep us safe and warm in Your arms Lord.

as these days come and go and our distance only seems to grow,

pierce our hearts.

show us Your love in the everyday.

make our hearts and bodies crave You.

need You, seek You out.

thank You for redemption, for love

for relationships.

let us not forget You, in our days of doing.

let us just BE with You.

being in Your presence and under Your wings.

.wings, so friggin' cool.

-Lnk-

being and doing

"Life is not about doing, but about being. About being who God intended you to be"

i get so caught up in the doing this doing that routine,

that i forget to take time to be.

just be loved, just be talked to, just sit and be listening.

just be held, just be crying, just being alone, just being together.

so much that i miss out on life cause i'm busy doing.

that's what we've made life.

we do everything in hopes of one day not having to do anything.

working for the weekend, working for retirement.

we miss out on the miracles in daily life, miss out on the glimpses of heaven.

it is good to have your eyes on the goal,

but keeping your eyes on the world around you is just as awarding as crossing the finish line.

tonight i'll be underneath stars but probably won't look up.

it's great (sarcastic)

just get up and do and forget everyone around me,

the less i interact with them the more i can get done.

just out of my way.

i love people, and i love being with others.

tomorrow i'll focus on that.

at work, just being with my co-workers.

and in every and anyway possible

letting them know they are loved by me

and by God.

not in that order.

here goes tonight

-Lnk-

brother/sister hood

It is not good for you to be alone. No one will see victory in the days to come if he/she stands alone. you will need true brother/sister hood, stated the Counselor as He brought one of the shining warriors over to me. It was right for you to confess and repent to God when you were convicted of sin, but you must also learn to confess your sin to your brother/sister. You must learn to pray for one another so that you may be fully healed, because your brother/sister is part of you, and you a part of him. If you are honest and real, you will sharpen one another and you will have fellowship. This is part of what it means to walk in the light.

I felt strong hands placed on my shoulders. The noble warrior, my brother, now standing next to me, was praying for me. It was humbling at first, but as I began to confess my sins to him, we were surrounded with an ever-increasing glorious light. The light became so bright that I could hardly see. Much to my astonishment, he totally identified with me and understood my struggles-and even the sin which wars against my soul. For he had some of the very same struggles as I.

We began to openly share our hearts with each other. I felt safe and understood. Then I prayer for him as he had for me-for his weaknesses to be perfected by the Father's power. We were refreshed, renewed and invigorated. We laughed together for some time.......We challenged each other, spurred each other on, and sharpened one another....I realized for the first time just how badly I needed brotherhood. To be alone in this war would be crazy. We needed each other.

We then committed to love and serve our great God and King, and to love and serve each other. We were comrades. We were in this thing together-through thick and thin we would defend one another. I was starting to understood my puspose and my mission-our mission.


Excerpt from "Snakes in the Lobby" by Scott Macleod


Good book.


Good weekend


-Lnk-

heart

everyone that i have let in has hurt me in some way

i've learned from my past but pain is pain.

the first time was worse than the second time cause i now know where my love stands,

you can crush my heart but i'd still give you my hand.

there is blood on the sidewalks and on the streets,

it used to be robbers who mugged pedestrians

but know its gangs of priests.

we'd slit our own throats if we could sell our blood,

what's the deal, what have we become.

-Lnk-

tomorrow

we need to cherish tonight,

enjoy this moon and stars cause tomorrow we die.

i've seen it a thousand times before,

lovers so entwined not realizing they are dying.

after tonight i will disappear.

i'm sorry but i have no choice.

i will take my songs and my music and fly,

i can't wait to see the world from up high,

staring through the clouds to see land go for miles.

it still doesn't change the fact that we will fall.


-this absolutely means nothing. i'm up to late waiting for a game to download. i'm tired-

-Lnk-

loner

i chase sin.

i run after it cause it is now.

i am at times, severely alone.

i play music cause it fills an empty room,

i listen to sports talk radio, not because i like sports, but because it fills an empty car.

i hate being alone and love it at the same time.

no one can question me if they don't know me.

they can't keep me accountable.

that's why i'm so jealous of what i have.

my games, my music, my girlfriend.

i hoard it so i don't have to be alone.

i chase sin to temporarily fill a void.

You don't speak to me cause i no longer listen.

i'm horrible, i'm a hypocrite

and now i'm asked to lead.

how can i sing if i can barely live?

i need peace that passes any understanding.

i need joy, not happiness.

joy is lasting and strong.

i need Your arms around me tight while I sleep and cry.

i need to feel Your love.

i've read about it for so long and I've felt it once or twice.

but i need to have it poured on me.

just dripping off my fingers and onto my feet.

i need You Lord.

more than i need anything else.

-Lnk-

warm

i just want tonight with myself.

and that's the way i had it

but i want it with you,

and that's the way i can't have it.

-Lnk-