nickel creek

he was an old man
i was a rock at the bottom he was never supposed to view.
but he crashed down
how the winds of change are still true.

i could see in his face the worry of his descent,
i assured him it wasn't too bad besides being bleak.
he tried to talk but water filled his lungs
i said the trick is to live on the water and air never seek.

his veins were visible in his eyes,
his skinned matched the depth of the blue.
no longer would he see the sky
his hands split and legs broke too.

he was dying in front of my eyes
the pressure of living can be harsh.
but i've been here 20 years
and don't plan of being nice now.

his body shivered and quaked
and lungs collapsed, one then two.
i laughed, this happens to all
i said "die and except your truth.

the reason i was already down here
i found the truth
and that is that nothing is true.
only that the ground exists
and you are dead."

as his left hand popped one last time
a white paper fluttered out.
it danced around his seizing body
and its red letters spelled "COME OUT!!!"

it was my loved one's script
she saw me dive to this depth.
she sent him as a messenger
and i let him go.

his eyes looked wide
he mouthed "sorry."
i whispered
"i am."

his body floated back up
and i saw my last chance leaving.
i struggled, wiggled and danced.
i was free.
i pushed as hard as rock could.

i landed on his back.
we floated to the top.
the snakes picked at him as we surfaced
and the sea was as calm as the sand.

there she was,
smiling.
i saw her for the first time in 20
and knew i was wrong.

she picked me up
and his body floated away.
she kissed my hard shell
and covered me in a blanket.

whatever i thought down there didn't matter.
she was here with me.
why would she love me?
why did he die?

he was my saving grace
to bring me to her.

i was a rock at the bottom
and i was saved.
and brought back to my love.

-Lnk-

what am i

what am i doing with such a girl?
honestly God,
who am i?
dude, she laughs at will ferrell.

i couldn't be more satisfied.
God is too good
and who wouldve thought
that He'd answer a prayer so exactly.

i'm simply amazed.
quiet and awestruck.
this week has been nuts at times
but right now i'm chill
and this is too good.

.ithoughtweweresupposedtobepatriotic.

-Lnk-

bank accounts and rosie o' donnell

so tonight was shocking.
the dude at eikon could've been reading off my life script.
he nailed it.
i was reluctant to go to the grille,
but i went and like usual
it was a lot of fun.
good times with good people.

but she wore my hoody
and it covered her hands
and was way too big on her
but she was ever so cute in it.
this is all new
and so exciting.

i have to get shots in the morning.
last time i had shots i think i was 11.
grrrrr.....no fun
and i have to wake up mad early as well.
double gross.

i keep thinking i hear the chat "bleep"
hoping you message me.

you did :)

so yeah tomorrow is my boi's wedding rehearsal.
i'm looking forward to it.
playing music with excellent musicians
is never a bad thing.
its quite glorious
and about the closest i think i'll get to flying.

i'm listening to jaga jazzist
don't know why i ever took them off.
they are so great.
perfect chill music.

lyric to remember

"Jesus died my soul to save" my lips shall still repeat.

beautiful......
oh man think i just got transported
to another world.
jaga jazzist is killing it so good right now.

wish i had someone to share this other headphone with.

.alivingroomhush.

-Lnk-

few things in life so sweet

there are a couple of things in life that make me content,
happy, elated, satisfied, joyful, anxious......etc.
some of those are as follows (in no particular order)
peanut butter
technology (ranging from computers to xbox)
music
listening to jazz
playing music
playing music with good musicians
playing music with the_crud
finding beauty in broken things (such as buildings)
finding beauty in nature
being floored by our Awesome God

and the list goes on.

but all that to say this.

i found a new thing
and this comes out of nowhere.
i have no idea how this happened
but you will not find me complaining.

its her falling asleep on me.
its cute
she fragile
and i'm careful.
she feel asleep again tonight
and if the hands of the clock didn't move from then on,
i would've been completely fine.
sitting there
with her lying silently
using me as her head rest.

tonight didn't turn out how i was hoping it would.
and i talk entirely too much,
but she made up for it.
and she didn't have to do a thing.

the weather got me down
but right when she opened the door
that was that.
the night could only be great
'cause i got to spend it with her.

i'm so lucky and blessed.
and duke ellington is perfect for 11:46 pm

.perdido.

-Lnk-

wipe-out

this is mad late
but the day was too crazy to not put down in words.
took my boi rios to ftl airport this morning.
i woke up at 7:15
that time doesn't usually exist in my life
especially not on weekdays.
but for friends i make exceptions.

so i dropped him off and drove to markham
to meet my pops and uncle.
they were taking out my uncle's wave runner
and i can't pass up the opportunity to tear it up on the water.
so after waiting for awhile for the storms to pass
we put in the water and took off.
after we all had taken the wave runner by ourselves
my uncle wanted to pull me on the tube.
i got in the water and held on.

i'm always kind of nervous when i go on a tube
but they are so much friggin' fun.
love it.
hahaha love
i've been tubing on a lot of lakes,
being towed by various people
so i guess it's also kind of nostalgic too.

so.......
my uncle isn't too skilled at towing people.
i ended up crashing into reeds/sawgrass one time.
i wasn't hurt just a little frazzled.
he was concerned but i told him it was cool
and i wanted to go again.

he drove a little more
then it happened.
he didn't cut it short enough
and i ended up crashing on the shore
smashing my left foot into rocks.

as i saw the rocks and shore running up to meet me
i thought i was done.
not that i was going to die,
but i was going to break something and not be able to play tomorrow
and just be out of commission.
but thank God that wasn't the case.

my foot hurts so bad.
i can't walk on it.
it isn't broken but mad mad sore.
its cut up nice.
but yeah that was the beginning of my day.

i came home after getting poured on
and trying to not make a big deal out of it.
i didn't want my uncle to feel worse than he did
and i wanted him and my dad to have fun.

i crashed in my bed.
i woke up to a phone call
and a delivery.
its hard to smile when you aren't entirely coherent
but i was overwhelmed.
thank you :)

my boi had his bachelor party tonight
and i got to kick it with him
and some kids i haven't seen in awhile.
i really enjoy catching up with people
and laughing.
and there was plenty of that tonight.

i will sleep heavy tonight
and hopefully some of this pain will be gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i spoke to God this morning in return from the airport.
i'm so amazed.
i'm glad i'm weak
that we are weak.
so we are forced to look outside ourselves for help.
to find God.
how the law was written so we can see how far we fall
but how Christ was sent to be the saving grace.

its all so beautiful and cyclical
and how it has been falling into place recently.
i've smiled at least 50 times everyday,
and the great thing is
that everyday hasn't been great.
its been life.

ups and downs
misunderstandings
long conversations
awkward situations
and everything in between.

and tomorrow i get to jam with some sick musicians.
once again,
i don't know why i'm with them
cause i ain't that hot.
but i'm not complaining.

just make your decisions carefully.

.playradioplayagain!!!!.

-Lnk-

playradio

i screwed this filter cap on to tight.
you left this at my doorstep
does is it mean anything to you?
why don't i just be the man
and do what my hands have a leniency towards?

this is the start from the beginning
all over again.
this is the exciting and the let down
as the night comes to end.
this is the windows down
and the conversation up,
this is not the way i'd
thought it would be.

but i smile
cause i could listen to you talk
for hours and hours
and never be bored.
my heart swells
like the grinch over who-ville,
i can't explain it
but i know my heart did expand.

part of me wants to jump the gun
be what i see and just get there now.
but the chase is part of the fun
and you are more than entertaining
you are brain matter stimulating.
i can't define what this is
but i know that God is true.
He is sovereign and i pray
that He is the center of me and you.

no more rhyming.
but i felt like it for awhile.

wish i had some chocolate chip cookies
and cold milk.

.aboicandream.

-Lnk-

i'm through

"Jesus Christ, firstborn of the dead." Revelation 1:5

i'm through.
i ruined 2 1/2 weeks
cause i'm selfish.
and now all i can do is grieve
and ask for repentance.

i just want to mourn and apologize
apologize for me trying to do it.
when looking at the last days of my life
all i can see is You.
and today all i focused on was me.

Lord, i'm broken.
"Woe is me for I am a man of unclean lips."
and unclean hands, eyes, feet etc.
let Your power be shown in my weakness,
let Your glory be displayed in my mourning.
may my life still be profitable for Your kingdom.
work in spite of my undoing.

God send Your grace
send Your forgiveness.

"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."
1 Timothy 1:15-17

God may this scripture be the prayer of my heart.
i am the worst and may You be glorified
despite my best attempts to keep this focused on myself.

.bumpthis.

-Lnk-

night blooming jasmines

so i went to the celebration party thing,
i was reluctant.
but lately i've been forcing myself to get out there.
and tonight was worth it.
it was so much fun.
the food was great,
the entertainment was excellent
and the company was superb.

met her grandparents and aunt and uncle.
they were so nice and interesting to talk to.
i was talking to her as we drove to jennifer's house,
how cool and nice her parents were.
and i told her that i thought that was a big reason
of why i like being with her.
her parents raised her right.
to be respectful, kind
have morals.
if you have a rough home life,
you need a lot of people to make up
for what you're parents can't provide.

so we attempted to watch a movie at jennifer's.
everyone fell asleep except me.
but she rested on me.
i was so shocked that i had the gall
to even put my arm around her.
but i did and she rested her head on it.
i could've sworn that the couch had electricity surging through it.

after i woke her up and we left
and i drove her home
i got back into my truck and played the new
mwY album
and smiled the entire way home.
i know God is the God of the universe
but for some reason i don't see Him as getting involved with little things.
i know He does but i don't think He would bother with me.
but tonight.......
her head resting
asleep
that was all Him.
'cause i'm not that type of guy.

so many new cd's out
and so much squeezing its way through my synapses.
i won't have much time to sleep through tonight
but God allowed me to spend the early morning hours
with a great girl.
and tomorrow seems possible.

.warsandrumorsofwars.

-Lnk-

been gone for awhile

so yeah, i've been busy.
i told that i'm not too busy,
seems that right as those words left my tongue
my time was consumed.
been going to eikon for the past 2 weeks
and really dig it.
the messages have been good
and the music is killer.
the fellowship after at the grille
is awesome as well.

i've made a lot of new friends
and taking brave steps.
in 2 days it will be 2 weeks!
never thought i'd make it this far
and it's only by God's good graces.

been hanging out with a lady quite a bit.
today went with her as she bought a mac laptop.
the apple store is my ideal work place.
i don't know if i'm ready to date again
but this girl is amazing.
i'm not spewing infatuations
i'm telling facts.
she is Godly and knows the Word,
she is funny,
she is outgoing and gets along with anyone,
my sis digs her,
she is convicted,
she is mature,
she knows what she wants.

its extremely refreshing to converse
with someone so focused.
honestly, we've only known each other for about 2 weeks
but our conversations never dribble.
we talk about God and our human condition tons
and she is a smart one.

i didn't go searching for a girl.
i didn't throw my heart out on a line,
i still have it and i'm hoarding it like a prize.

there are no words to explain this,
seriously i can't find any.

but.......
i'm going to her sister's graduation party manana
she finished med school and her rents
are having a huge celebration.
straight up belly dancer,
dj, live band.
her family is egyptian.

i don't know how i got here
and i'm just now understanding the weight of God's sovereignty.
i've made so many friends in the past 2 weeks
and seen God provide in blunt ways.
i have no words to describe what has been going on
and i think its better left at that.

. .

-Lnk-