insomnia

i'm eating an apple.
its scrumptious.
i went on a bike ride,
to watch the moon.
its bright and perfectly circular.

i'm drawing back.
i'm ready for someone to do something wrong,
so i'm not giving it my all.
its easy to get away with it
when distance is aiding you.

my fingers smell of tobacco,
and it reminds me of grandpa.

my mind is reading the Bible while my heart is searching,
running my eyes through the scriptures to find where He says I love you.
He said it on the cross,
He said it through His blood.

and how do i show Him that I love Him?
can i just say it and that be good enough.

but love is sacrificial, love is an action/ love aint fleeting love is everlasting
-Sho Baraka

its amazing.
this love.
and its not "love everyone."
good feeling, generic.
its specific,
cause this love is for you.
for me.
its more than what i'm doing right now,
its more than what people think it is,
at least i think it is.

so i stay up late
and sleep in later than i did yesterday.
and i eat more apples,
and drink more water.
listen to more music,
watch more movies.
enjoy my sheets more,
miss my innocence
and childlike trust/faith more.
wish i had no walls,
no problems,
no past to help create barriers,
no worries to fashion hurdles.

i want to be alex, caroline, megan,
josh, isaiah, emily.
i want to be the kids i work with.
they are loud,
they are honest,
they are looking to learn,
curious and so innocent.
they call out what is wrong,
they apologize with their heart and not their words.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
-Matthew 19:14

the kingdom belongs to them,
and is most easily seen in their smiles.

.afterthemusicstops20/20.

-Lnk-