winning

i play halo 3.
a lot.
like too much.
its fun, its competitive, its loud.
shooting, grenades, hiding places.
its good.

but i was holding my dog and sitting on our diving board and
wondering why i don't like to not be first when i play.
its just a game.
for fun right, just a good time.
but then why do i need to be first?

why do i have that need to be the best at everything?
many people are much better at most everything.
why can't i just realize that i can be mediocre.

its just odd, that whole need to be the best.
not just cause that's my life's goal.
like i want to be the world's best javelin thrower,
so i practice all my life and make it to the Olympics.
they deserve it.

but like my want to be the best to tell everyone else that i am,
so i can be the best.

this flesh and its wants and desires,
weird.
i just want it to die.

.agent michael scarn- threat level midnight.

-Lnk-