killer madz

for the first time in awhile,
i wrote something i could stand.
haha
i'm taking bold steps
and i'v fallen straight through at least once...
so far.
but it was worth it
and i've never put my foot out that far.
it felt good,
like a rush
a sudden flush of my face.

spinning some mewithoutYou now.
honestly,
they are the only band that makes me want to truly dance.
not that, "i'm going to dance 'cause everyone else is."
its that, "dance dance, bend knees, sway arms and breathe in the air."
that kind of dance.
just exaggerated movement i guess.
i am in no way coordinated enough
to string specific flails
into anything that would constitute as a dance.
but mewithoutYou makes me believe that no one cares.
that we would all dance together
smiling 'cause we know our God is bigger than our problems
and because we have each other.

ahhhhh....
so lovely.
give me some music with passion.
raise your vocals and sing oh creation
for the Creator that formed you
is beautiful beyond comparison.
His words are the tools
we are His created.

ahhhh....
nights like this
that make being alone not such a terribly bad thing.
in this mood,
i mean everything i say.
so let me get out of the way.
~~~~~~~~~~~
random question:
why don't you ever use the bathroom before you leave?
haha
had to ask.
you are beautiful and i wish you could see it.
if you did,
you'd see all that is around you is useless.
the drama,
the talking.
you don't need attention,
you don't need a boy.
honestly,
you just need to rest,
stop thinking about what anybody is thinking about you,
grab a cup of coffee and/or tea,
lay back on your bed and breathe.

realize you are alive,
that you are spared from further dating a jackass,
that God has brought you out of despair,
that the girl in the mirror is not you.

i saw a glimpse of you,
caught it while i was looking down.
i didn't see you're face but i heard your voice,
and saw your hand movement.
that was you.
it was gorgeous,
like a single ray through grey clouds.
my heart stopped and i gasped.

i have nothing else to say,
other than know that you are beautiful.
don't sell yourself short.
who cares who you see
whenever you do.
God loves you
and God loves them.
just breathe
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHIfT:
oh man this song is going to hurt.
but i'm not changing it.
i'm a man.
i can do this.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
i've seen you at least 15 times since it ended.
and everytime she turns around,
i silently hope it is you.
and it never is,
and i smile
'cause i can't see you anymore.

i've taken things that you made down,
some i've left up.
don't know the difference between either.
just my choosing.

are we we?

i have random questions
i'm better sometimes
and other times i miss everything.

now i'm half/half.

but i know things will happen.
haha that's general.
things do happen
and the future never stops.
so hopefully,
that will have a bright sun.
bright enough to blot out my burns.
to singe new pictures.

in all honesty,
we had great times didn't we?
i love the big city
and i will never forget the island.
but i wish i could go there again,
without thinking of you.
you monopolized my synapses
but i gave them to you voluntarily.

scabs are what i have to show.

i bite my lip so well
and honestly i don't think you know what you've done.
i'm using the word "honestly" too much,
my apologies.

but you don't have any idea.
i don't say this to make you feel bad or awful
or whichever word you may choose.
i just have to tell you
because you are the only person who would understand.

i opened up early,
soon.
and i gave a lot.
you made first moves,
but i made up for that.
i did things that i've never done
and i'm ashamed that i did them so blindly.
you didn't force me,
i gave in on my own accord.
wish i would thought straight.

but yeah, i'm hurt.
like stomach pains and unmentionable anger.
when i said i wasn't mad at you,
i lied.
i am.
and i don't know when i'll be over it.

i hold grudges way too easily.

okay i can't say anymore.
hahaha
this is ruining my night.
~~~~~~~~~
ummm....
anything else
yesterday part of my heart died.
again i gave it away.

i'm sure i'm partially retarded
if it burns your hand off
you should stop lighting fireworks.
but i'll be damned,
i can't put down the lighter.

i love my job.
those kids are awesome.
any problems,
are melted away but their smiles
and their constant questions.

today i walked in to work
and saw one child in particular
and i smiled
and my day was perfect.

guess that's all.

but oh my!!!
i have so much more to say.
words can't express it.
and that'll have to do.

.someonemakemeafraidofwhati'vebecome.

-Lnk-