between here and then

well i've played a lot of halo 3 this past weekend. i knew this time would eventually come when all i saw around me would be halo 3. and i openly embrace it.

well my dad left on a mission trip to haiti but not before he fractured my sisters pinky finger. there was 10 dollars on the floor. my sis went to pick it up and my dad went to step on it so it wouldn't fly away. he wrecked her finger.

had some good talks with a new friend. not really a new friend. i've known her for awhile but recently we have had good talks and it has really been nice to have someone who understands a lot of what i'm going through.

also got to hang out with my red headed pal this weekend. he is very wise and completely random. at times he is hilarious in his own awkward way, but he is also very wise. he knows what to say and just when to say it.

i thought about the situation i'm in in my life. those who are around me i look up to. like my band mates, and the majority of my friends. i've never really had friends my age. they are usually younger or older than me. but i really look up to my older friends. they are all smart and just seem to have it together. i know they aren't perfect and have their own issues, but they aren't fake. not plastic. they are real, involved, loving people. but i've been realizing that they respect me and what i have to say. that really makes me smile. cause i ain't nothing special. i'm emotionally unstable and have so many faults and shortcomings. the guys in my band, they listen to my advice about what we might do in a certain measure of a song. the guys i lead worship with listen to my advice on a vocal harmony. the friends i talk to listen to what i have to say intently.

its great. like i stated before, i'm not super cool. i've always struggled with low self-esteem and i don''t entirely like the way i look. i like my hands and feet (but if you stare at them too long, they just look weird), but besides that, i'm not to keen on the rest of me. and to have these people listen to me and respect me, really shows me love. its a good feeling to know that those around you are your real friends.

i've never had so many people i can call friends. i had a group of compadres i used to run with awhile back. but these by my side now are the ones who have helped me through hell and back.

people can be great. and people can be awful.

love the oximoron.

also, one of our guitarists dad leads our band in a bible study almost every sunday. he is so dang wise man. this guy lives the word, he is the bible with skin. he has written books on how the constellations tell the story of The Christ, he is editing like an all encompassing encyclopedia for college students to combat the whacked theologies and ideas they might hear from students and/or teachers. he is on point. and even he asked me what i thought about something he wrote.

i don't know what i'm trying to say. all i know is that when those around you love you and accept you for who you are, there is no better feeling. when you meet up with a bunch of friends and play halo 3 for 4 1/2 hours, there is no better feeling. when you call up a friend who is crying and talk to them for hours, there is no better feeling. community is a necessity. there are no lone rangers. everyone needs a tonto.
in my case, i've got a lot of them.

Christ preached community, and i've been blessed to be a part of one.

also sitting in church this morning and realized it is much easier to see the bigger picture. at least for me it was. for some reason i understood what the pastor was saying but immediately i got a bird's eye view of the church and then of weston and then of davie and then of florida and then the world. it was weird. like in my mind's eye i saw it. and it made sense.

i'm incredibly small and what i do on my own has little to no impact on anything. i've been living on my own power this week and have crashed and burned too many times. this life isn't about me.

it's about us, serving our Lord. bringing His name glory. he's the One who has taken our sins, our addictions, our hatred, and placed it upon Himself. He died and paid for our human condition. He conquered sin and will return to smash satan's head with his heel.

talking to my guitarists dad about Revelations is so adrenaline infusing. man it is so ridiculous talking about how Christ returns. He will return and reclaim His throne as The King of the Jews and reign forever. He is going to friggin' destroy satan and we will have a front row seat.

man that is going to be the coolest thing ever. hands down.

*whew*- i start thinking about it and i get like mad excited like i could go lift my truck. but that ain't happening.

well it seems like i apparently had quite a few things on my mind tonight. purty long.

well..... i'm done.

-Lnk-